Tuesday, May 31, 2005

A loss I have to come to terms with

I don't understand it. I keep thinking "why would this happen to me and why now?!" I sometimes just marvel at my misfortune. I went to buy nursing bras this weekend, it was one of the few things I had left to do. I knew I was doing it a little early and that was the first thing the lady told me was that I should wait another few weeks since “I’ll still get bigger.” Well me being stubborn I don’t want to wait another few weeks. I want it taken care of now and if God loves me and blesses me with even bigger boobs, I’ll buy a bigger size then!

The problem? Well not sure if you remember how I had posted about my bra size increasing to a D. That made me very, very happy and I so willingly went out and bought new bras just so I had proof, that little tag with the D on it. Before I was pregnant I was a 34 C (well pretty much 32 C but that size is impossible to find). I’ve been a C most of my boob bearing life, except for that awful stint where the excessive amount of push ups I had to do in Kung Fu reduced me down to a B (right before my wedding and my strapless dress I need to add!!). Anyway they came back along with the fat I got rid of once I stopped going to class. So I was ecstatic when I went up to a D! And for free, I didn’t need to buy these! Slowly over the next few months my new bras seemed a little loser. I even thought my boobs looked a little smaller but I kept telling myself it’s just because my belly was getting that much bigger.

So I go in and the lady asks me what size nursing bra I needed and I blurt out a D!! Then I kind of said “well…, I’m not sure.” And oh fortunately she whips out her tape measure and confirms my worst fear. “Looks like you are a 38 C.” I felt as though someone just said I had 1 month to live, the room started spinning, I turn pale she is saying “Ma’am, ma’am are you OK? Do you need to sit down?” I just take the C from her hand and catatonically walk into the dressing room and put it on. YUP, it fits! The fucking C fits! How can this be??? They get bigger when you are pregnant and generally they get bigger just when people gain weight. I’m doing both! How can my boobs be the same size now as they were before I was pregnant!! Oh except for the increase to a 38, nice bigger girth, smaller boobs. And what’s worse is that I think even when my milk supply comes in, I’ll still be able to fit in these C’s, there seemed to be a little extra room for growth…but hell if I’m gonna buy a B right now!

Why me….why??

Going with the flow

In addition to myself, I gave my blog a nice long weekend break. I think it needed it. Although there were a few things that happened this weekend that I kept thinking “oh this has to be posted” but alas now it has all slipped my mind. Guess it wasn’t too entertaining then!

I did come to the realization that I would like my life to be a tad less PLANNED. I think I was inspired by
Mrs. Flinger and her spontaneous vacation. I would love to just wake up one day and go somewhere. Well actually I have but it’s only been when Bryan has surprised me with a trip somewhere and those always turn out to be my favorite ones. Which is fine if we keep doing it that way but then all the planning and pressure is put on him. It would be nice if we both got a break from it. I plan everything in my life down to the tiniest detail. And usually it helps keep things less stressful for me, but then again it also creates more work and worry than is warranted. I want my child to be way more carefree than I am. Even when I was “carefree” I wasn’t really “carefree.” There is too much OCD in my family to ever really let go.

Sunday we had an errand to do and normally I’d have our list of to-do’s and we’d go right down the list. But after our 1 and only “chore” Sunday we had time to kill before dinner with friends. You know what we did? We JUST DROVE AROUND with no destination in mind, not paying attention to time, stopping for ice cream. It was awesome. We took the back roads to Bel Air. Then we casually strolled through Target with no real agenda where we ran into the ever so popular
Kelly Belly, her mama and her adorable kidlings.

I’m just really starting to think planning is overrated. It’s nice to be educated in something and not go in completely blind but I feel it can go overboard and just really kill the moment. I’m much better when I’m on vacation I must say. Our family trips growing up were always my dad saying “Ok we’re waking up at 7am, it will take us 20 minutes to get there, we’ll stay there for 2 hours then…” So it instantly goes from an enjoyable vacation to a tight timeline. HOW RELAXING. I fortunately didn’t turn out THAT bad. But if we go to visit my sister in Chicago, a month before we go out she is asking me every day what we want to do, what time we want to do it, how we want to do it and it freaks me out. I want to just cancel the whole thing because it has become more work than staying home.

That’s how I am approaching this whole childbirth thing (kind of venturing off topic here). I know I often say how worried I am but I do tend to exaggerate (surprise!). I am really all about going with the flow right now. I think that’s why I’ve been getting SO irritated when people are overly “concerned” with me being pregnant and every move I make. I’m trying to relax and enjoy this possible once in a lifetime event and it’s really hard when people project their worry on to me. And then poor Bryan has to deal with me bitching about it every second thereafter. Next thing you know we’re both stressed out. I really need to learn to let things roll off my back better like he does. I just can’t seem to do it because when something is directed to me that I don’t agree with or I feel is not their place I feel it’s my job to PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE. But in some situations, like with the in-laws, I have to bite my tongue. If you knew me, this is not an easy thing for me to do! And then I hold it in, get more and more angry and then I have to unleash this anger and unfortunately Bryan is usually around when that happens. I’m already worried about how this could only amplify when the baby is actually born if it’s this bad before then. See, now I’m worried again. Do you understand the vicious cycle now?!?

Sooooo looks like my next pregnancy will be happening in a small isolated town with no post office, no internet and definitely no phone. And I bet I’ll do JUST FINE without all of the “tips.”

Friday, May 27, 2005

Rubbin' it in

Traffic was horrible on the way in today and I realized these weren’t people trying to rush in to work. Nope these were people going on vacation for Memorial Day weekend! If they were the typical commuters, the EZ Pass lanes would be all fluffed up but instead they were all heading South. Probably to somewhere warm and sunny with SAND! I’m so jealous; I would love to be on a beach right now. I would love to feel the sand in my swollen toes, my body actually weightless floating like a buoy in the water, the sun shinning off of my bikini clad bod. I would really LOVE to be able to actually wear a bikini right now but I’m just hoping to be able to wear one again at some point in my life. I would even enjoy a nice alcoholic beverage amidst all that which isn’t very like me (but something girly like a Smirnoff Ice with Razzmatazz or a Daiquiri sounds soooooo good right now). Alas, I sit beneath fluorescent lighting in my little 20’ of personal space with no air circulation and not even windows to speak of. Wahhhhhh!

It seems like my co-workers only responsibilities are to either remind me that A. I’m lucky since we’ve had such crappy Spring weather so far (except for beautiful today) and it hasn’t been too hot or B. That I’m going to be hating life soon when it actually does get hot. Always trying to bring me down! I always have to immediately point out how I’ll be enjoying my paid maternity leave for the rest of the summer while their all stuck in here. Yeah bitch your maternity leave was filled with cold, crappy, rainy days. I’ll be frolicking in the sun and flowers with my new baby (I like to think so and not think about how I’ll probably be pulling my hair out “WHY WON’T THIS BABY STOP SCREAMING!”) And how about I actually don’t mind being hot?!? I’m one of those people who are always cold and I hate being cold! I have to carry a jacket with me in the summer like my frigin’ Grandma incase we go in to an air conditioned place. I love warm weather (and no the 70’s aren’t warm!!) Just because they are all hot and sweaty in the summer doesn’t mean I will be! And so what if I am, big whoop. I’m counting the days until our weather stays consistently above 80 degrees. And I’m really looking forward to swimming in my friends HEATED pool (ahem…you know who you are). That’s how much I like to be warm, I don’t care if it’s 100 degrees out, I still want my pool water to feel like a nice warm bath (and again no the 70’s aren’t warm!) Well she didn’t promise me they’d actually have the heater on if it was that warm out but still I’m jealous enough over the fact that she even has that option to heat her pool!

And to rub it in even further, my family is going on a family vacation that Bryan and I were not invited! My mom, dad, 2 sisters, niece and nephew are all going to Disney World in June. They are even going to stop in a visit my other sister in St. Petersburg. That’s pretty much my whole family and we weren’t invited until I said “What the hell you are all going and nobody asked us!” Then I get the pity invite “Well you can come if you want. We didn’t think you would want to be walking around Florida a month before you are due.” Do you know me at all? Did you think to ASK if I would feel like it and let me make the decision? I love vacations, I love Florida, so much I’d even be willing to hang out with my family to be able to go. I don’t care about traveling or flying when pregnant. If my doctor says it’s OK then I’m there man! If it got to be physically too much (or mentally too much dealing with my parents) I could go back and sit by the pool! The nerve!

So for now and probably the rest of the summer you can find this pregnant girl trying to make the best of the Baltimore weather. Maybe I can talk Bryan into taking us to Ocean City either before or after the little bambino is born (that’s your cue hun). I hope you all have an enjoyable Memorial Day weekend!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Don't make me repeat myself

When your expecting a child people, mainly family, are constantly asking you how you are doing, how much longer, when is your next doctors appointment, etc, etc...That was part of the reason I started this Mama C-TA blog but it turned into much more than that, as you can see. AND it typically consists of some rather colorful language so I decided this was not for family members eyes. This was my own little private (so to speak) escape where I can be myself, say what I want and while offending people isn't my intention, I told myself I'm gonna keep it real and speak my evil mind. NO CENSORSHIP NEEDED.

While this blog has been a great release it didn't stop all the pregnancy questions and once your asked the same question over and over your answers get more lame (and that's when I start to get more sarcastic and get in trouble). So "How are you doing?" I'd reply "Oh great, the baby is really kicking, I go see my doctor Monday, blah blah." eventually becomes "How are you doing?" and I'd say "Fine, quit asking me." I decided that I did need a site where family could get their updates. I feel very smothered when I'm constantly checked up on even if it's with the best intentions. And usually this doesn't come from my family as they don't show much interest in me. Very different parenting styles than Bryan's parents. I think that's the problem, I am used to very hands-off parents and his are very hands-on. Which is what I love about them but it's a very big change for me.

Anyway I created a G-rated version of Mama C-ta which only contains pregnancy and baby information. I don't inundate them with random rants. I still try to be honest but in a more family-friendly way. I literally copy stuff from here, clean it up and paste. The problem? NOBODY READS THE FRIGIN THING!!!! I had a post saying I have a doctor appointment and I'll post about how it went. Well appointment is as 3:45 and at 4:15 Bryan gets an email asking how my appointment went!!! Look I don't really enjoy maintaining this extra blog so if I'm going to be putting forth this effort than READ IT. Bryan supports them by responding with details! DAMN HIM he's so much nicer than me. I would simply paste the link to the site. It's not that I want the blog to replace all human interaction but I just don't want to have to keep providing the same details over and over.

I haven't had 1 comment on the site not that I really expected to (not sure if they really know how to do it) but I thought with how crazily excited some family is about the baby and wanting to know every tiny detail, I thought they would check it occasionally. Well I have a stat counter and it's not changing!!

So I may or may not keep the family pregnancy site up and running but plan to have a family version once the little man is born. Maybe it'll be a little more interesting for them and if it turns out they don't check that one either, then I'm going to password protect it and show my true offensive colors.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Same thoughts Bryan had but he likes me to come to the realization myself

After much contemplation and a 2nd opinion from my psychiatrist I decided to forego the new meds. It’s not that I don’t trust my OB and his opinion on the matter it’s just that I think when it comes to my mental health I trust my psychiatrist MORE. And I just don’t feel I have a good enough reason to start taking additional meds just yet. The fact that I MAY have some anxiety that is keeping me up half the night just isn’t enough for me to start yet. I think with or without my typical mental issues, any soon to be mom would have the same problems. Now if I literally don’t sleep for 3 days that may be a different story.

Post Partum Depression is still a huge concern but I am currently medicated. It’s not like I’m going in completely unarmored. My psychiatrist said that my current med would be just as good at treating PPD as the new one. Plus my psychiatrist reminded me I tried several SSRI’s before with no success. Most likely this new one wouldn’t be any different. And if I find out I need more help then I’ll seek it. I know the signs (as well as Bryan) and know to act right away so even if I don’t have the meds in me weeks before I deliver I don’t think I’d wait long at all to get treatment and would be on the road to recovery in no time! Let’s hope!

But other depressing news, I had to officially hang up the old wedding rings. I’m very sad about it. I was wearing them around my neck for a few days but they started to drive me crazy. And I was totally paranoid about it. As Bryan said “that’s way too much money to be dangling around your neck on some cheap necklace. Although they are insured, I totally agree. I’d be devastated if I lost my originals regardless of how nice the replacements are! I feel so naked. I don’t care if people think I’m an un-wed mother (gasp!) but I am very proud to be married to Bryan and that was just a physical symbol of that pride. Well they should be back in 7 weeks (gulp) so I can play the field again until then!

The pregnant belly that won't go away

I'm very excited! I ordered a belly cast from Glamourbelly.com last night and can't wait to get it. It was something I wanted to do but wasn't until I saw the picture of Elaine's from One Happy Family that got my butt in gear.

I think I'm going to wait until at least 36 weeks to do it, I want to make sure my belly is in it's prime! It's a few years too late for my boobies to be in their prime so might as well make sure something is!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

F'in tagged man!

Kelli - I turn you onto this this bloggin' world and look how you repay me :)

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video: Are you gonna make me go count 'em? I'll estimate and say 70 (the ones we actually paid for)

2) The last film I bought: Hmmm, it's been a while, we're into piracy these days. I think Kill Bill Vol 2.

3) The last film I watched: Bootlegged Star Wars (the new one, whatever it is, I'm not a big SW fan)

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order): Fight Club, French Kiss (I can't believe I admit that!), What Dreams May Come, Kundun and JFK.

5) Tag 6 people and have them put this in their journal: Aww, do I have to? I don't think I even know any others with blogs that haven't already been tagged a million times. Can I think on this one or will I be committing a mortal blog sin? Taking volunteers!

OB appointment at 32 weeks and 5 days

Blood pressure - OK
Urine - OK
Weight - OK (3 lbs - makes sense since I'm typically 6 lbs at my 4 week appointments)
Baby's Heart Rate - OK
Measuring - 33 centimeters, right on target

I love my doctor, I really do. It's so nice to feel like you are in the hands of someone who is actually competent. Yesterday was your typical appointment. It was cool though because I got to feel where the head was (right where I want it!) and his little bum and limbs. He started to show me all the different body parts but then I had a contraction and we had to wait it out. Kinda hard to feel around when your stomach is rock hard.

I asked my doctor if there was anything I could do for my sleeping issues, where I wake up every night at 3:30 and can't fall back asleep until 6 (which keeps getting later and later). It's been wearing me out. He asked me a few questions about what happens when I wake up, heart racing? What's going through my mind, etc. And then he gets to the point. He wants to put me on an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) in addition to my current anti-depressant (a dopamine reuptake blocking compound). While sleeplessness is a common symptom of pregnancy he feels (and I tend to agree) that my anxiety can be playing a big role. I've also experienced some "shame spirals" lately, as we call them. But he said for the next 4 weeks it's optional but after that I need to get on something because I'm classic textbook candidate for post-partum depression.

Bryan and I already have discussed that possibility and figured it's pretty inevitable. I know me and always knew that was a great risk. That is the last thing I want, my sister went through it and it was horrible to watch. Seeing someone go through depression is hard enough but when a newborn is involved it is even harder. She was 200% better with her second child but she never really got treatment the first time and it went on way longer than it should have. So my doctor wants me to be on meds about 4 weeks before I deliver so they are already effective and just something to get me through the first 6 weeks. He said my saving grace is that I'm due in the summer when the weather is nice and there is a lot of sunlight. It would be much harder for me in the dead of winter since that is a tough period for me anyway! I'll have to remember that for next baby making session.

Well I'm sitting here staring at the new meds and still contemplating it. I'm not opposed to it, I'm not sure what is holding me back. I know he wouldn't prescribe anything unsafe while pregnant or nursing. I know I NEED meds (and really therapy), I don't have any problem admitting that. I love when I hear how I don't need them blah blah...so if you value your life you won't suggest I stop taking meds!

But this is a big part of why I love my doctor so much. He was the ONLY doctor (aside from my prescribing psychiatrist) that knew what my previous medication was. (Unfortunately that medicine was not safe to take while pregnant). But I've had doctors asking me how to spell it; they looked through their damn books to find info on it so I was greatly impressed when my OB/GYN could tell me all about the medication. I know picking your OB on the fact he knew of a particular medicine isn't the best way but it told me he's up to date, he has more general knowledge outside of the GYN world. (Plus he trained under midwives too so he's the perfect balance of "natural" and "clinical" for me.) I wanted someone who knew my whole life and could take all aspects into account. But I just found out yesterday that he was trained in the psych field before, he did some work out of Sheppard Pratt and he currently does some primary care for people in need of head meds. He's the perfect combo for me! So for now I'm still deciding on the meds. I know I'll do it, I just may wait a few more weeks. It's hard because all pregnant women experience mood issues but it's hard to tell what is normal pregnancy hormones acting up and what is being compounded by that along with my depression. He said every mood change a normal pregnant woman would experience would only be greatly increased for me. I rather not (and I'm sure Bryan would rather not) deal with unnecessary negative feelings and mood swings if we don't have to.

Ugh, more decisions…

Our love/hate relationship is now just plain hate

Let me just get it out there that I hate IKEA. You know what I hate most about it, is the fact that we own so much from there. They trap us like that, they'll be the only place that has the right size or color or whatever freaky thing we need and we are forced to shop there. But NO MORE! I even have my fist in the air and stomp my foot down when I say that. Their customer service is bad, the quality is bad, they are ALWAYS "temporarily oversold" no matter what it is we want. But they've gone too far now!

We had purchased a rug for the nursery. We had it down for 5 days and the thing was ruined. Yes we have 2 dogs and an evil cat but the thing was trashed from our dogs walking on it. JUST WALKING. And they were hardly even in the room but the rug had tons of pulls in it. It looked like we took a rake to it or wore golf cleats. We have other rugs in the house that hold up just fine. We've owned other Ikea rugs that never had this problem. So we decided to return the damn thing. I never expect fine quality from Ikea but I do expect things to last more than 5 days under normal use.

Well we get there (still in the allotted return time) and I tell them the reason for return is poor quality. They look at it and instantly start berating us. "Where was this?" "What was on it?" "Did you clean it?" (to which Bryan promptly responded, "that would be a pretty big washer, huh?" "How long have you had it?" Umm check the receipt. So they are inspecting the damn thing forever and more and more people come out to look at it. Now they need to call someone down from the rug department. I am beyond irritated and I finally say "what is the problem, the rug is a couple weeks old, we have the receipt, and we’re still in the return window." And she says "we're just trying to figure out why this happened and we want to make sure that we aren't selling poor quality items." Of course you sell poor quality items; I own a shitload of them and know. You really don't want me dragging my big ass wardrobes in here that were NOT cheap and are complete garbage. Yeah if I pay $100 for a wardrobe I expect it to be cheap but not when we pay over $1k for one and it falls apart in less than a year. I asked the lady if they can determine the quality of the rug after they process my return. The bitch had the nerve to say "well normally we'd deny a refund. There was obviously some kind of rug cleaner (wrong bitch, we don't clean. HA!) and it looks like something was on the edges here AND the tag on the back of the rug is one we usually put the AS-IS info on it. I think this was an old rug." I was livid and falsely accused on all accounts.

And honestly so what if I cleaned the rug or had it in a high traffic area, which I DIDN'T, but you should be able to use a rug for more than a few days without it falling apart. They should at least guarantee their products will last until the return period expires. I think she saw my rage and knew I was capable of many painful things so they decided to quickly process my refund but gave it to me in store credit. Just what I want, more things from Ikea. I'll be buying $80 worth of cinnamon buns or sweedish meatballs!

Monday, May 23, 2005

The only time it was BETTER to be a preemie

I'm very freaked out now. My MIL showed us some baby pictures of my husband that I hadn't seen before. I always thought he was such an adorable little boy until I saw the dreaded 16 week old picture. HE WAS ENORMOUS. And I don't mean a big baby, I mean HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?? FREAKISHLY BIG. And his head was the same size it is now. And the scariest part, he was a tiny preemie (4 weeks early) but by 16 weeks he was holding world records. It's funny because doctors told his parents he will always be small and frail. Well if you know my husband, you wouldn't ever use those 2 words to describe him. Handsome, funny, intelligent, romantic and sensitive yes...small and frail, no way.

So now all I keep thinking is if my baby ISN'T premature then there is a chance that I will be giving birth to a 20 lb baby (not to mention with the head of an ape). We always anticipated a larger baby anyway but I will not make it out of labor alive if what comes out of me is anything close to what he was like. I wonder how my doctor is with elective C-sections...

I must say he did even out around 8 months. And I'm thankful and love him just how he is. His birth story is actually pretty sad; he was a little miracle (and still is).

His mom's water broke at 36 weeks which back in 1974 was a pretty big deal. Nowadays he probably wouldn't have experienced any of his issues he did back then. He had to have multiple transfusions among other things. Basically they called in the priest to baptize him and told his parents to get ready to say goodbye. His parents were on their way to do just that, I can't even imagine what that trip must have felt like and pray none of us ever have to know. When they got there they found the doctor lying on the table with Bryan on the table next to him with tubes running from the doctor right into Bryan (or however this would be handled back then). The doctor was giving him his own blood in one final attempt to keep him alive. Needless to say this blog wouldn't exist if it didn't end up working.

So I am very thankful for him and in all honestly would be just as thankful for whatever size, color, shape baby we end up having. I'd hate to see my husband if he is the small, frail version of what he would have been if he was full-term.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Are these all frigin' pajamas or what??

Am I the only one who doesn't understand baby clothes? They ALL look like pajamas to me; do I dress them in this stuff to go out too?? Seriously I'm not trying to be funny but I was trying to go through the clothes we have and see what else we need (more shoes!). What does sleep n' play mean? They generally have the little feet on them so I figured "okay these will be pajamas." But then I started coming across sleep n' plays without feet and they look more clothes like so I didn't know what to do with those. Why do they need sleep n' plays if they could just wear onsies and sleep in those. And onsies...is this all they will be wearing? He'll be born in July so it should be nice and toasty out so do I just put an onsie on him and that's it? Is that acceptable; is that what they are for? Or does he need pants too? How many pairs of pants should I have for his first 3 months? And socks will he need to wear socks? That seems kind of funny to me wearing socks with a onsie, like me walking around in my bra and underwear and a pair of socks. All the little baby clothes that actually resemble adult size clothing are not in newborn sizes. I understand a little pair of jeans or cargo pants are not pajamas but it's this other stuff that has me lost. And when do they wear the tight little knit, hats? I know the hospital gives them a couple but its July, should he be wearing one all the time? In the house? I'm gonna end up clothing my son to death I can see it. He'll either have too much on or not enough. As you can tell I've had very little experience with people under 12 months old.

Off topic I wanted to mention how great my husband is as preparing me for motherhood. This morning while in my deep slumber, which is very rare these days that I even remotely get into a deep sleep, I am scared shitless at this this God-awful shrieking, baby whaling at the top of its lungs. It turns out my husband sneaked into the bedroom and hid the baby monitor (which was at max volume by the way) and proceeded to cry like a baby while in the nursery. I guess he was testing my reflexes but if my baby has lungs like my husband's, I'm going to be in the insane asylum within 3 days.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

You can't SAY that if it's not really true

In fact it's quite the opposite and a rather big tease. "Now with MORE KICK" when really there is LESS kick. I'm a chocolate freak by nature but my favorite candy in the whole world is Hot Tamales "cinnamon-charged candy." But then they had to go messin' with a good thing, a PERFECT thing. We're they receiving a lot of complaints?? We're people asking for this?? It was just the right amount of fire, I'd always have to eat 2 at a time and it would almost be too much but I'd chew my way through it. But now since they added all this kick, I could stuff the whole box in my mouth waiting for the need to stop chewing and grab a drink but it never comes. They are just so...mild now. And whenever I go to buy them I search through all the boxes and every now and then I get lucky and find an old stash of the original formula but I wasn't so lucky this time. It's just not.the.same.

That will always be my favorite Valentine day memory, the day Bryan gave me the most beautiful, loving, thoughtful gift. I come in and there with my card were two 10 lb bags of Hot Tamales, all for me. THAT'S 20 POUNDS OF HOT TAMALES or otherwise known as sweet Heaven. It was 2 months before our wedding when I was trying to eat right to stay in my dress but it didn't matter. I was no longer able to sleep from being jacked up on Tamale sugar, I thought I had developed TMJ or some other painful jaw disease when I realized it was from the non-stop tamale chewing. I could feel my teeth rotting out of my mouth but none of that mattered. It was just me and my Hot Tamales and the good ol' fashioned tamale recipe.

Show some love

When you have a moment (because I know the only responsibilities we have is to blog stalk), stop by my good friend Kelli's new blog. You've probably experienced the commenting of Kelli on your very own site. I'm so very happy she now has one of her own, it should be pretty entertaining....she ain't no shy girl! Her and I go way back to some of our more wild, carefree days when we were known as "two crazy girls" by our boy followers (OK so they were really trying to get away from us but that's irrelevant here.)

Anyway, welcome Kelli to the addictive world of bloggin'.

P.S. Don't count on me to remind you about getting housework done...have you SEEN MY HOUSE?

Friday, May 20, 2005


Or otherwise known in our household as Thank God it's Thaiday! We started going to this little Thai place a while back and we became hooked. Every Friday we couldn't wait to get there and start chowing down. We never even looked at the menu anymore, the servers even knew what we wanted: 2 salads with sesame dressing, Panag Curry Chicken, Chicken Pad Thai and an extra bowl of rice. Occasionally Bryan would throw them off by adding some Sushi into the mix. Man that is some GOOD SHIT! (Speaking of shit I just had to pull a dangler out of my dog's ass. Every now and then he consumes a piece of my long hair and shits it out and a turd always sticks to it so it's hanging about 4 inches from his ass and he doesn't know what to do. He'll run around in that hunched posture - as if he's taking a shit - until I come with a sandwhich bag around my hand and pull it out) OK back to Thai...

There is just something about those Pad Thai noodles that brings me such joy. We always have to share this combo because the Pad Thai is so sweet and tastey then the Panag Curry is a sharp contrast with it's fiery flavor. Perfect Harmony. It's funny because, as my friend Lisa reminded me, when I first found out I was pregnant the same weekend we were in Chicago visiting her I was telling her how I couldn't eat Pad Thai anymore while pregnant because of the peanuts. This eventually turned out to be a huge misunderstanding on my part. The day I found out I was pregnant Bryan and I celebrated by watching an episode of Oprah where Julia Roberts, pregnant with twins, was the guest. JULIA was saying how SHE couldn't eat peanuts while pregnant which I thought meant I couldn't eat peanuts while pregnant. Ends up somewhere in her family lie some hardcore food allergies. But for a while I was devestated about missing out on Thaiday. But it turns out it didn't matter because in the midst of my morning-sick 5 months the thought of Thai made me want to, and actually vomit. But one day I talked myself into eating it and once I threw it up it really killed the mood for it and we haven't been back since. So tonight was almost like a born-again Thaiday. Damn it was good!

The only thing that makes that meal better is a nice dessert chaser. Yes, Heaven does also come in pint sizes disguised in a little carton with the words BEN N' JERRY'S accross the front. What a good frigin' day!

And now that I mentioned Julia Roberts I was thinking that before I was pregnant and a "Big Belly Ho" as Bryan says, I would be told I look like Julia Roberts at least 5 times a day. I heard it so much I actually started believing it. But once I was implanted not ONE person has said that to me. She was pregnant too, why didn't her face get all fat and puffy (with twins none the less!!!)

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Gifts o' plenty

Here are some pictures of a few gifts I received at my shower. All of the gifts were great (except for a couple outfits from family, one in particular!!) but these are just the ones you won't find in your Babies R Us shops. Of course my friends would give the best stuff!!

Amazing handmade blanket. The back side has robot fabric in a soft navy flannel. Posted by Hello

Books we'll actually enjoy reading to him. Posted by Hello

Another pair of Vans for his collection Posted by Hello

I find this cute now but ask me after 2 months of waking up at 2am every day for feedings! Posted by Hello

a stylish little outfit. You should see how tiny this stuff is in person! Posted by Hello

Little baby soap, a box for his first tooth and a glass keepsake for his first lock of hair. Awwww. Posted by Hello

Interview with a vampire

Fine, he wasn't a vampire but almost just as bad...HE HAD A MULLET. Yes the potential pediatrician we met with yesterday had a mullet. And it wasn't the hip version that was coming back around, like the one my friend Pepper had. This was your good ol' fashioned business in the front, party in the back. Can I see us putting our son's life in the hands of a mullet man? That is the question we are currently trying to answer. I'm sure there is no correlation between his hairstyle and his medical skill, but it makes me wonder "how can I ensure he is up on all the latest treatments when he can't even keep up on men's hairstyles."

Aside from that, he seemed like a good doctor. I can't say I left there like "oh yeah he's totally the one" but there wasn't anything I didn't like (aside from said hair). We haven't finalized our decision but not sure if we'll be interviewing anymore. He seemed like he was on the same page with parenting lifestyles as we were. He is a little green but I kinda liked that he was on the younger side. He is a Johns Hopkins doctor which are supposed to be great. He's located within walking distance of our house; he does have some evening appointments which were all things I was looking for. And it's not like we're forced to stay with him if it doesn't work out.

One thing that really bothered me was the receptionists. We've had 4 interactions with them, all very unpleasant. Normally I would have moved on right then but I made several calls to other offices and they were all just as bad. Good help must be hard to find. The first time I called the girl was just very unfriendly...I didn't even know if I had the correct place because she answered the phone so unprofessionally. The 2nd time I called to schedule the appointment I had a complete moron. I had to repeat my information (and repeatedly tell her I couldn't give her my son's name or date of birth BECAUSE HE WASN'T BORN YET.) 3rd, Bryan called to reschedule our appointment which of course they couldn't find anywhere in the system. They eventually found it but it was because of idiot #2 had my first name, last name, address and date of birth ALL WRONG despite me telling her about 20 times.

Then we almost actually got in a fight with one of them last night at the office. The one lady seemed way more together and nice but it was the other ghetto ass bitch that pissed us off. I was filling out the form which had a place for Mother and Father's name and the patient’s name. Makes sense since this is a peds office. Well I asked what do I put for the patient info and she said to just use my information. Fine...Bryan goes to turn in the form and gets crap because I used his and my name as the mother/father when I supposedly should have put MY parent’s info. WHY WOULD THEY NEED MY PARENTS INFORMATION? I corrected the form and Bitch had such an attitude I just kind of threw it down on the table at her and we had like a little "stare off." It was pathetic. She then gave me crap for not being able to read my mother's maiden name and I said it's really not relevant here and awwww shit she told me. Seriously, I want to know in what circumstance they would need my parent’s name. My OB/GYN doesn't need it; my family practitioner doesn't need it. The only reason it is on the form is because all patients here (aside from any consultations like us) are fucking children. I AM NOT A CHILD and there would be no need to contact my parents for anything.

Anyway it was so stupid and we told the Doctor how poorly it was handled. He seemed sincerely apologetic for their rudeness. He also ensured me that if I had to call with any issues I wouldn't be dealing with them. I hate to think that we would pass up a good doctor because of some ghetto girl. I should have known, I have bad customer service experience everywhere I go, why would this be any different. So we're still officially undecided at the moment but feel he is a good potential candidate.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

I told you!

I told you that last weeks birthing class was horrifying! We went for our 3rd and final class yesterday and only half the class showed up! I think the movies we saw the week before scared them away. If that’s true and they happened to figure out away around this birthing mess, I wish they would share the knowledge! I’m kind of glad it’s over though. I didn’t enjoy being in a room full of pregnant women. No special treatment, no “awwwing” over me. And you can only take so many big bellies and thick ankles (aka “thankles”)

Last nights class was about pain medication options, Cesareans and post-partum care. I liked hearing about the pain relief. It was pretty much everything I’ve already read but I seemed to gain more insight last night. This is my plan (not up for discussion either!) I’m going to try natural. Once I realize there is no way I can handle it, I’m going to go for the Stadol. Once I realize there is really no need to feel the lower part of my body since it’s causing me such extreme pain, then I’ll do the Epidural. Hopefully I’ll find some inner strength I didn’t know I had and not need to go beyond the natural. The episiotomy scares me the most still. If birth is such a natural process, ummmm, why aren’t we made with a big enough hole?? I’m hoping once Bryan and I start working on my perineum stretches (he can’t wait to start those, he wants to do it now but I need to be a little further along) this will really help reduce the chance of tearing. B/c they are NOT cutting me!

That’s really the only thing that concerns me about gaining more than the recommended weight, how it increases the chances for a larger baby. Despite what I say I really don’t care I gained more than recommended. Sure it’ll be harder to lose after but who cares, I’m enjoying it now. But I’ll be very upset if my baby weighs an extra 2 pounds (coming out of your crotch, that’s a lot!) just because I couldn’t keep from stuffing my face (regardless of how Bryan tries to politely stop me “You may not want to eat all 3 chicken patties, I couldn’t even do that. Maybe you should let the meal that would serve 4 adults you just scarfed down digest before having more.”) Meanwhile I already reached over and stabbed the chicken patty on his plate like a caveman and started gnawing away on it still on my fork w/out even cutting it.

So today I am 32 weeks…just 8 weeks away! How can being 32 weeks along seem further away than 30 weeks?? I swear 2 weeks ago I was freaking out about how close I am and now today I feel like it’s light-years away. I think I’m going to miss being pregnant though. I like my big ol’ belly, I like having my baby with me every second of the day in a safe place (where he doesn’t cry either). But I’m sure nothing compares to actually caring for your newborn.

We have another nursery crisis on our hands. I haven’t been curtain shopping because my MIL was going to make some from the left over fabric. We just found out there isn’t quite enough fabric to do it. I could order more but…I’m going to try to find some. I’ve seen sheers I like but with all the street lights in the ally behind our house I need something that will actually keep light out (and our neighbor who is literally 3 inches away from seeing in.) I’m afraid it’ll be hard to find something that matches our colors.

Here are my 2 most recent baby purchases. I am now banned from buying any more shoes (so I’m told). I also want to post some pics of my favorite baby shower gifts but have to actually take the pictures first. Both shoes are from

These I found on my very own and love them! Posted by Hello

I totally stole this idea from my friend Lola and her adorable son Max. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Pain in the ass

I received an email from a pregnant friend yesterday who was saying how her tailbone has been bothering her. I thought how I’ve been lucky not to have that issue (along with any heartburn or stretch marks what so ever) and I thought how now I’ll probably end up with a painful tailbone. (You remember how once I read about something it happens to me!) Well guess what was hurting me for the entire day after that email? Yup! My tailbone, man you are so smart. Fortunately it may have been a fluke because as of right now I have no pain. But I’m extremely leery of any kind of sensitivity involving this bone with good reason. When I was 17 I experienced an unpleasant injury to my tailbone which required physical therapy. How did I hurt it you ask? Good question because all I know is I’m minding my business taking a poop and once I was done I could barely walk. There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary with this poop other than it was after a big Thanksgiving meal. Other than that I have no idea what could have caused this tragedy.

I let it go for about a week before realizing it was only getting worse and I needed medical attention. Next thing I know I’m laying face down on a table with some young, male physical therapist checking out my ass and not in a good way. He used some external thing that sent therapeutic waves to the area but of course that wouldn’t work for me. After concluding the bone was dislocated he informed me he’d have to move it back into the correct place. DO YOU KNOW HOW THEY MOVE A TAILBONE?? I thought I had suffered enough humiliation at that point until I realized that the easiest and probably only access to a tailbone was by STICKING HIS FINGERS UP MY ASS. So for 2 days a week for over a month I had to walk in, drop my pants and just bury my face wishing I could just die right there. But I was in THAT much pain that I actually kept coming back.

Fortunately I’ve recovered just fine and now I’m just permanently mentally scarred and overly protective of my tailbone.

Monday, May 16, 2005

31 weeks and 3 days

Here are my monthly photos, the day of my baby shower. I don't see a huge size increase in the pictures but I do in the mirror!

Focus on the belly, not the back fat roll please Posted by Hello

31 weeks. No, I'm not standing in a cement jail, it's just my back yard Posted by Hello

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Creating a monster

I just had the worst dream. Our son was just born but he was instantly a toddler. We took him out somewhere (I think it was really TJ Maxx - always looking for a bargin even in my dreams - no idea why but it was more like a kid's play place than a store) There were tons of kids in like a waiting room area. We get there and we realize we have given birth to the spawn of Satan. He was so evil. He refused to respond to his first name and demanded we called him by his middle name along with this girl's name so it was ________ Payton (real first and middle name to be revealed 7/13). He was running around wildly, we were non existent to him and if he did acknowledge us when we tried to control him he would say these awful things about how he hated us and how we better "watch out." It was like those movies (I think one was called The Good Son) where the son seems pretty normal but when people aren't looking he'll push his friends in front of movig cars and kill them. He was that kind of evil. In my dream at least which I'm not expecting it to have any similarity to real life. But kind of makes you nervous to find out, huh?!

Now why would I have to go and dream something like that, my feet are cold enough!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

The dealio

I talked to my employer and they were OK with me working 2 days from home. I couldn’t believe how bad the timing was. I was all set to talk to my boss after our departmental meeting but in that meeting they requested the team to put in extra hours (temporarily). And here I am with a letter in my hand asking to cut back but they were still cool about it. I do think that will help and it’s a nice trial run to see how disciplined I am working from home. They were all for working remotely after I originally brought up how my doctor wants me to have reduced hours. (I totally put it on my doctor and played up the chance that if they don’t work with me I could end up on bed rest even though that’s very unlikely, they don’t need to know that though).

My main concern with my stress and overload at work was that there are days when I can hardly eat or drink because I’m so busy. Last Friday I kept getting dizzy and probably drank 1 oz of fluid the entire work day. That’s not cool. I’d try to scarf down food in between but I couldn’t eat as much as I should (well, wanted to). I am putting in extra hours still this week until we can make it past this current release. They generously suggested that we COULD work this weekend. At least they aren’t demanding about it but we all know we won’t be able to get it done if we don’t. But fuck it, my baby shower is Saturday and then I’ll want to take the rest of the weekend spending time with the out of town family. I’m not gonna stress about work this weekend. So I figure I’ll try to put in some extra hours during the week but THIS IS THE LAST WEEK I WILL DO IT.

I’m curious to know what others have done as far as when they decided to stop working BEFORE the baby was born. Like should I just work right up until I go into labor? I do have an office job it’s not like it’s physical. I just keep hearing how I won’t be able to or shouldn’t be driving that close to my due date. And there is no way Bryan will drive me 45 minutes each way when he works 2 blocks from our house. I just assumed I’d work until I went into labor but then IF I happen to go into labor at work, I’m not sure what to do. My hospital is at least an hour from my office so it’d be quicker to drive home. I know typically there is quite a long early labor phase and I shouldn’t need to rush to the hospital. But never know!

And what if I get my first contraction at the office and I start to drive home and have another one…will it make me drive off the road?? I have no idea what these things feel like. My ever so helpful mom has been on my back about it already because apparently a woman who was 9 months pregnant swerved onto the median for no apparent reason and died. They think she may have gone into labor (this IS my mom’s version which has a great chance of being totally inaccurate). Ever since this happened my mom has been telling me “you have to stop driving at some point!” I was thinking as it gets closer asking about working 5 days from home. That might be the best option. I don’t know if I would want to stop working any sooner than I have to, I think I’d go crazy with anticipation. As annoying as it is that I’m so busy, it’s making time go by fast!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

So they may not get the Interior Design of the year award

Let’s just say, thank goodness my hospital is supposed to be good when it comes to deliveries (not to mention they have one of the best NICUs) because they have nothing going for them in the looks department. We did our tour last night as part of our 2nd Child Birthing class. Let me start off by saying that I’ve been to the Labor and Delivery unit before in my first trimester when the morning sickness dehydrated me. I was in some crappy room assuming it was some storage closet where they put the people that don’t need attention as long as they are hooked up to the IV. Well I find out that’s the triage room where they confirm you are in labor before they move you or send you home. Not a big deal since I shouldn’t be in there very long. The next room was the labor and delivery…HORRIBLE. Well not that bad but it couldn’t be anymore institutional looking. We’re talking bare bones when it comes to ambiance. I had visions of beautiful birthing centers in my head so this was a wake up call. AND there was this constant banging in the ceiling from repair work going on upstairs. That’s not the norm but let me tell you how many people I’ll murder if that’s going on when I’m in labor. I couldn’t stand it for 2 minutes last night.

We then moved on to the Mother and Baby unit. Well first she showed us the overflow area incase all the rooms in Mother and Baby are taken which is actually where they put the people on bed rest. It’s about as stylish as the L&D room but much bigger. We finally get to see the real Mother and Baby rooms and I was in heaven. But I must say these rooms were nothing great at all but after seeing those other rooms it felt like the Ritz. But you KNOW I’ll end up giving birth on the busiest day of the year and end up in the crappy overflow room. So in addition to my overnight bag, I think I’ll be bringing along a few cans of paint, some art and accessories to spruce up the place.

The Birthing class last night was a lot of fun, I think it’s sole purpose of this session was to make you wish you were a male. We saw a video of a couple births. Did I say I want to go natural? FUCK THAT. The first birth the girl had an epidural. The next girl went natural and my lord it was like night and day. I know 2 different people it isn’t a fair comparison but I was wishing I could have gotten an epidural just to watch that. And I got to see them doing an episiotomy and I didn’t know if I should cry, throw up or run out of the room screaming. AND THE VAGINA GETS SO BIG!!!! Now I’m not a total moron, I knew it would get big to get the big ass human out but this was just a whole new perspective. I’ve seen some delivery shows before, this isn’t coming as a surprise to me but I think it hit so much closer to home now because it was saying “This is what you will be going through in 9 weeks. You better start praying your vagina starts turning into spandex now.” I just don’t think I can do it. I’m sorry but I changed my mind and I think the baby is just fine where he is.

As if the birth part wasn’t bad enough the lady had to remind us about car seat safety. She pointed out the do’s and dont's and common mistakes and how you “MUST get it inspected by policeman, etc.” Because if it can even move a hair, it will go through your windshield if your in a severe crash. She might as well of said “it will fly through your windshield, slicing your baby to shreds and as you stand over your bloody baby on the highway wishing it was you because you are obviously the worst human alive, along will come a tractor trailer grinding you both into the ground.”

So I’m freaked out about the baby having to come out and now I’m freaked out about putting my baby in the car. I left there fucking mortified wondering what the hell I’ve gotten myself into and what I can do to get me out of it.

I promise

I swear I'll write today at some point damnit! I'm determined and have a lot to say right now. It probably won't be until later but I promise it will be before 12am!

Monday, May 09, 2005

30 week and 5 day OB appointment

Blood pressure - OK
Urine - OK
6 lb weight gain - OK!!!
I was actually pleasantly surprised with this. The way I ate the last 4 weeks I would have not been shocked if they said 10 lbs. (And no I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty eating that grilled chili-dog Bryan made me for Mother's Day!) Man if only every day was Mother's day I'd be in hotdog heaven!

Now I'll start to go every 2 weeks. I love my doctor. I got his OK on filming the birth. He was totally cool with that, he asked (in all seriousness) if I wanted to get a real production crew because they know someone. I'm not looking for all that now! I really don't even need it to be zoomed in on my bloody, overstretched vag either. It's just going to be Bryan and I in the room and we're gonna set it up on a tripod. I really just want to catch the emotion in the room and see and hear all the things that I'll miss being caught up in the moment. Kind of like your wedding video...you were there to experience it but it's so different from that outside perspective. And it's not like I'll ever show anyone (unless they really, really want to see it and there isn't anything too humilating in there) but I'd never say "Hey want to see my vagina being ripped to shreds?" making them feel totally uncomfortable.

I got my moneys worth out of today's appoinment, it was 1 full hour long. Much different than the usual 10 minute in and out thing. I showed up with about a list of 50 questions, talked to them about my heart-attack inducing stress at work and they even hooked me up to the fetal monitor for 20 minutes. No particular reason for that but I came from work and she could see the stress on me and I think she really wanted me to take a nice breather so she hooked me up to that, turned off the lights and let me just chill to the baby's heartbeat. That's soothing in itself. I felt much better. (And I switch from saying he/she because my Doctor is a "he" but I have a lot of my appointments with the PA who is a "she" but today I spent a lot of time with both, I was extra needy).

She was concerned about my work stress. Physically healthwise I'm OK but she did say we need to work together (me, her and my employer) to relieve some of it. She said they could take me out of work (as appealing as that sounds I don't know if I'd qualify for STD being "healthy") and the last thing I want to think about is not getting paid for the next 10 weeks. I'll have enough of that in the future. She did give me a note saying I need a reduction of hours for the remainder of my pregnancy. They asked how many hours I wanted reduced (all of them!) but I figured I'd start with 10 less for a 30 hour work week. She said now that I have the letter the ball is in my hands and I can hold on to it or turn it in. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do yet but I might try to see if I can work 2 days from home but keep the 40 hours. I don't know how the whole pay thing would be handled being salary if I dropped down to 30 and I don't have enough vacation to cover it. I'm just not sure if reducing my hours will help, they will probably keep my work load the same (because they don't have anyone else to do it) and my deadlines can't and won't change so that may make me more stressed having the same amount to do in even less time! Maybe 2 days from home will be a good start.

Other news, Bryan got his diaper bag today. Check it out. It's pretty cool, I can't wait to use it!

Sunday, May 08, 2005

More pictures of our nursery than you could ever want

That is if you choose to scroll down and look at them. It's really coming together now. I tried to find curtains but can't seem to find anything I like so we hit up good ol' Gma again and she's going to use the excessive amount of fabric we have left over and make some (yeah "need 6 yards" my ass!) But luckily we have it otherwise we may have to settle for any old curtains, gasp! I suppose I could dig out my sewing machine and do them myself. But hey, Grandma offered! I did see some white sheers I want to get that are embroidered with white stars that Bryan is refusing to authorize the purchase on (umm, we'll see!)

Once the curtains are hung and the paint touch up is complete I think we could put this baby to rest. And hopefully our baby will rest whenever we put him down in the crib!

Chair rail is hung!!! It really makes the room feel more finished. Just a little touch up and some curtains and I think we're done! Posted by Hello

The lovely left side of the room (You can see where some minor touch up is needed.) Posted by Hello

Crib set is finished!! Posted by Hello

We love it, it turned out great and poor Grandma worked her fingers to the bone. We had our own private sweat shop going. Posted by Hello

Pillow handmade with love by Grandma that coordinates with our crib set. Posted by Hello

Our rocker (I'm so not a glider girl!) After desperately trying to find this in black, we settled for the white which seems to work well in the room Posted by Hello

We found this awesome girl on ebay who did these Robot pictures but we kept losing her auctions. So she did some custom pictures for us (super inexpensive and quick I may add) and we just love them and think they are perfect for our nursery. Notice the one w/the mom, dad, baby and 2 dogs :) She does more than Robots so if your looking for something similar you can contact her via: http://www.kidpirate.com/. Or try to find her stuff on ebay. We highly recommend her!! Posted by Hello

Here are some of the pictures on the wall next to the start of our tin-robot collection. (We did win 2 of her ebay auctions so we have 8 drawings total). Posted by Hello

A different, yet just as fun, Robot picture done by someone else Posted by Hello

And one more robot picture we won from ebay. We love the sock monkey getting drunk with the robots, so nursery appropriate :) Posted by Hello

Little accent rug...we still have to put down the big area rug, this was just for fun to "kid" up the place. Posted by Hello

Wall stars I thought were kinda cute and Bryan would rather use to wipe his ass with. (He thinks they are too country!) Posted by Hello

Changing table mobile (aka ultra trendy mobile as Bryan calls it) I don't know how he knows what is trendy in the baby world since it's all new to us! Posted by Hello

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Don't forget to look behind you!

I was shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding this month. After many failed attempts and odd looks from Bryan I put on the prefect one. The color looked so good against my pasty skin; the fit was awesome (considering). It just flowed so nicely. It was a jersey type material so my belly button nub really showed but it wasn’t enough to stop me from buying it. I thought I would either deal with that or tape it down somehow. Bryan agreed it looked good and I was so excited to find it but since I question everything a million times I did one last “how does it look” to Bryan but this time showing him the back. Normally the back is the first place I look but it hasn’t been that big of a concern lately. I know my ass would look big…but with a dress the fabric wouldn’t really accentuate it since my belly would prevent it from being too tight. So I thought. I turned around and OH.MY.GOD. THE HORROR! I could see it come over Bryan’s face because I was using him as a judge, not the mirror. You could just see him panicking about how he could he tell me he would rather eat vomit than see my ass in the dress. You know the nice, flowy material I loved so much, well it likes to settle into ever cellulite dimple. I am not exaggerating, it was BAD. The entire ass! I think it would look better if I had my butt uncovered than it did in this dress. And being a thong wearer I didn’t have another layer of fabric to smooth it out. I thought about wearing full-butted underwear and just dealing with panty lines but I figured it would be best for everyone if my ass never left the dressing room in that dress.

After that I decided to just look for casual summer dresses to keep me comfy for the rest of the pregnancy. If you want to quadruple your size instantly, wear a dress when pregnant. Since the flowy, clingy fabrics don’t work, I went for the typical cotton-y types that don’t hang quit as nicely. And when they don’t hang nicely you look like a tank. I didn’t care though, I ended up with a simple black sleeveless dress and this other one I can’t believe I bought. I love it yet it’s so ugly. It’s candy striped…no better yet, picture the bright, colorful stripped fabrics you’d see in a cheap Mexican restaurant. That’s the pattern, very colorful, vertical stripes. It’s scrunchy up top and then just kinda hangs. I think it would look really cute on a non-pregnant girl. So not only do I look huge but because of the fabric, I look like a big, frigin circus tent. A traveling circus…but I love it. At least there is no ass-cellulite to be seen!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

The big 3-0

I am exactly 30 weeks today. It’s way more exciting then being 25 weeks or even 29. Just the sound of saying I’m now 30 weeks has a nice ring to it. I’m sooooo close, yet still so far away. It would be nice to go 2 weeks early but I’ll take what I’m given and what’s best for the baby. Whenever he’s ready, I’m ready but if he’s anything like Sloth then I’m expecting to have to yank him out on my own a few weeks late.

We had our first Childbirthing class last night. It was helpful and informative and provided some good, immature giggles at the ugly, outdated people in the video. Bryan was very inquisitive asking really good questions making the other dads look like big wooden dummies (I know I’m biased). Well one guy was definitely a dummy and I could see his wife probably wanted him to shut up. We decided to do the 3 week course instead of the 5, the only difference being in the 3 week they teach you the breathing in class but you practice at home. Whereas the 5 week you practice in the classroom. I didn’t feel that was necessary as long as I practice and it’s pretty much the same breathing I would do in Kung Fu. I was hoping to do the tour this class but it’s scheduled for next week.

I’m torn over the whole natural vs. medicated childbirth thing. I just want to say I am pro-medication for everything and I’m hardly a “natural” person. But I have a strong desire to do it naturally and I never could pinpoint why until now. It wasn’t to try to prove that I could do it naturally because I really don’t feel it proves anything that having a medicated child birth proves. (And as an upfront disclaimer, whenever I say “they won’t let you or won’t allow me to” I’m referring to my hospital/doctor only. I’m sure there is a very good chance your hospital is 10 times better than mine and will let you do whatever you want, but I’m talking here!) So anyway, the reason for my desire to attempt a natural childbirth is because I’m really into all of the natural “coping” methods. And it sounds like if you go in saying you will want an epidural, once you get it, you are pretty much confined to the bed. They won’t let you walk around, or use the birthing ball….and you can’t use the shower for the warm water relief….or even labor/birth on all 4’s or in the squatting position if I wanted to. And those are the options I’d like to try before resorting to the epidural. Not to mention that I think the last 4 out of 5 of the people I’ve known to have an epidural, said it didn’t work, only numbing half of their body and just screwed things up. I also don’t want an episiotomy unless absolutely necessary. I’ve heard the arguments “it’s better than tearing” blah blah, but I’ve also heard the arguments where you can still tear with that and then it’s far worse. I’d prefer to let nature take its course on this one. You know I’m not a fan of unsolicited advice so I hate when people automatically say “Go for the drugs” and shit like that just because they chose to or wish they had. Everyone is an expert, huh? That being said, I won’t be surprised if I’m screaming for them to put that damn needle in my back within the first 5 minutes. I’m generally such a wimp when it comes to pain. I’m just going to go in with an open mind and TRY to remain flexible. Who knows I may need a C-section and in that case the natural goes right out the window. I hate to keep saying it but I’ll do what is best for my health and the baby’s and not stress if it differs from my original plan.

I would LOVE to give birth in a birthing center instead of a hospital. I like the idea of a home birth but I don’t think I’d enjoy it in my house. I feel I’d worry about how cramped and dirty it is and I just think the birthing centers are a nice middle ground. And I think a water birth would be awesome. I know, I know the water would be all yucky and your sitting in it but I have a feeling it’s going to look like a war zone no matter what. I’ll probably vomit and poop and there is blood and other innards and cords and I don’t think you’ll be coming out clean no matter what. Maybe I’ll look into those options next time if I can get Bryan on board (and my insurance company!) I must say I’m rather surprised at my desire for the natural birth, it’s kind of out of character for me. I guess that’s what motherhood is all about, doing things you’d never thought you would do!

Monday, May 02, 2005

Niagara Falls, the ugliest place on Earth

Actually, the Falls, the area and the locals are really quit beautiful and nice. It’s the tourists, such as me, that ugly up the place. If I had a chance to post a picture you’d understand what I mean. The weather was a little dreary from all of the rain and/or mist coming off of the falls and lack of sun. So every picture of me (which I tried to limit those!) I have Bryan’s big coat on since none of mine fit other than a big, puffy maternity winter coat which would have looked really out of place. And my hair from the wind and rain…I basically looked like a drowned rat in an oversized coat along with every other tourist.

But despite my appearance we had a great time. The Falls are amazing and we had the best view from our hotel. The highlight for me was doing the Maid of the Mist boat tour thing which takes you right up to the bottom of the falls and it’s just so stunning to see and feel how massive they are. The boat gets all rocky and wind and water are flying everywhere, it felt like The Perfect Storm. A few people told me I shouldn’t do it being pregnant, because we all know once you are pregnant you are instantly classified as helpless and fragile, but I asked the tour people and they said it was completely fine. There were kids of all ages and elderly so I figured I was good. Being pregnant, I’ve found I’m often treated the same as my 85 year old Grandmother so if she could do it, I’d be OK. I’m so glad I did. We also, well Bryan, did well at the Casino. It’s always fun making money on vacation. And we went to this Butterfly conservatory which was awesome. We both weren’t expecting anything great but it was so cool because there were hundreds of butterflies flying all over the place and all over us. I think even if you didn’t like butterflies you’d enjoy it.

The low of the trip would have to be the food. Way overpriced and not even good. When we travel we like to find good, local places to eat. Not the chains you see everywhere. Well there weren’t too many options that looked inviting other than chains. So for breakfast we went to Denny’s. And get this, our bill was $40!! In American! After the conversion! It was almost $50 in Canadian! And this is greasy spoon, Denny’s, nothing special. And we ate a normal breakfast, we didn’t gorge ourselves or anything…I swear. Breakfast is the cheapest meal to eat and we go out all the time and usually spend about $20 for the 2 of us to eat very well. I wanted to protest, I was so baffled. Or better yet, dine n’ dash! The night before we had a nice steak dinner (well I had a damn good hamburger) for $50…that seems normal to me but $40 for a Denny’s breakfast for 2 people! Unheard of! Obviously I still haven’t gotten over it. We tried to play it safe the next day and just got bagels elsewhere and even that was $15 for 2 bagels and cream cheese. Not even with coffee or juice!!

Traveling does take its toll on a pregnant body. It was getting difficult to walk as much as we normally would. My little stumps just couldn’t seem to drag my weight around any longer. So there were a lot of rest stops. Oh and the bathroom issue! I had to make sure I was within 10 feet of a bathroom at all times. We walked from our hotel to dinner and I peed before I left and not even 10 minutes later by the time we got there I was about to pee my pants again. So I was always worrying about how long a walk, ride or wait was.

But despite the overpriced food, it didn’t stop us from having a good time. And although the weather wasn’t perfect spring temps, it was still decent and didn’t damper our plans. We’re looking forward to visiting again, next time little baby boy!