Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Going with the flow

In addition to myself, I gave my blog a nice long weekend break. I think it needed it. Although there were a few things that happened this weekend that I kept thinking “oh this has to be posted” but alas now it has all slipped my mind. Guess it wasn’t too entertaining then!

I did come to the realization that I would like my life to be a tad less PLANNED. I think I was inspired by
Mrs. Flinger and her spontaneous vacation. I would love to just wake up one day and go somewhere. Well actually I have but it’s only been when Bryan has surprised me with a trip somewhere and those always turn out to be my favorite ones. Which is fine if we keep doing it that way but then all the planning and pressure is put on him. It would be nice if we both got a break from it. I plan everything in my life down to the tiniest detail. And usually it helps keep things less stressful for me, but then again it also creates more work and worry than is warranted. I want my child to be way more carefree than I am. Even when I was “carefree” I wasn’t really “carefree.” There is too much OCD in my family to ever really let go.

Sunday we had an errand to do and normally I’d have our list of to-do’s and we’d go right down the list. But after our 1 and only “chore” Sunday we had time to kill before dinner with friends. You know what we did? We JUST DROVE AROUND with no destination in mind, not paying attention to time, stopping for ice cream. It was awesome. We took the back roads to Bel Air. Then we casually strolled through Target with no real agenda where we ran into the ever so popular
Kelly Belly, her mama and her adorable kidlings.

I’m just really starting to think planning is overrated. It’s nice to be educated in something and not go in completely blind but I feel it can go overboard and just really kill the moment. I’m much better when I’m on vacation I must say. Our family trips growing up were always my dad saying “Ok we’re waking up at 7am, it will take us 20 minutes to get there, we’ll stay there for 2 hours then…” So it instantly goes from an enjoyable vacation to a tight timeline. HOW RELAXING. I fortunately didn’t turn out THAT bad. But if we go to visit my sister in Chicago, a month before we go out she is asking me every day what we want to do, what time we want to do it, how we want to do it and it freaks me out. I want to just cancel the whole thing because it has become more work than staying home.

That’s how I am approaching this whole childbirth thing (kind of venturing off topic here). I know I often say how worried I am but I do tend to exaggerate (surprise!). I am really all about going with the flow right now. I think that’s why I’ve been getting SO irritated when people are overly “concerned” with me being pregnant and every move I make. I’m trying to relax and enjoy this possible once in a lifetime event and it’s really hard when people project their worry on to me. And then poor Bryan has to deal with me bitching about it every second thereafter. Next thing you know we’re both stressed out. I really need to learn to let things roll off my back better like he does. I just can’t seem to do it because when something is directed to me that I don’t agree with or I feel is not their place I feel it’s my job to PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE. But in some situations, like with the in-laws, I have to bite my tongue. If you knew me, this is not an easy thing for me to do! And then I hold it in, get more and more angry and then I have to unleash this anger and unfortunately Bryan is usually around when that happens. I’m already worried about how this could only amplify when the baby is actually born if it’s this bad before then. See, now I’m worried again. Do you understand the vicious cycle now?!?

Sooooo looks like my next pregnancy will be happening in a small isolated town with no post office, no internet and definitely no phone. And I bet I’ll do JUST FINE without all of the “tips.”


Blogger KB said...

I am the same way, always with the planning and tight schedule. It's annoying, even I annoy myself!


9:13 AM  
Blogger Elaine said...

When it comes to childbirth, people can SUCK! Ignore them and think happy thoughts... you don't need there fears. Oh, and if you can, take a hypnobirthing class. It'll help, I promise!

11:10 AM  
Blogger Rachael said...

I have to schedule everything too. We can never just go places. Especially now with Gavin. We even plan out grocery trips. But you kind of have to with a baby.
I know what you mean on the tips. And it only gets worse when the baby comes. I will get advice from people just walking around my neighborhood. I have to constantly remind myself that they are just being nice so I don't rip them a new one.

11:38 AM  
Blogger michaela said...

i've actually found that over scheduling things has lessened for me since we had our daughter last year. as soon as we get ready to implement a "plan" for the day she decides she has to eat right then, she craps her pants, or is napping and we don't want to wake her - so much for planning. and i find that i'm a lot calmer now that she's here, too, because i don't want her to pick up on my tension. people can't really guilt us into things anymore, either. "can't do it, cuz, you know, baby."

and the last couple weeks i was pregnant i just stopped answering the phone. fuck em, did they think i wasn't going to call them when i had the baby?

2:03 PM  

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