Tuesday, May 24, 2005

OB appointment at 32 weeks and 5 days

Blood pressure - OK
Urine - OK
Weight - OK (3 lbs - makes sense since I'm typically 6 lbs at my 4 week appointments)
Baby's Heart Rate - OK
Measuring - 33 centimeters, right on target

I love my doctor, I really do. It's so nice to feel like you are in the hands of someone who is actually competent. Yesterday was your typical appointment. It was cool though because I got to feel where the head was (right where I want it!) and his little bum and limbs. He started to show me all the different body parts but then I had a contraction and we had to wait it out. Kinda hard to feel around when your stomach is rock hard.

I asked my doctor if there was anything I could do for my sleeping issues, where I wake up every night at 3:30 and can't fall back asleep until 6 (which keeps getting later and later). It's been wearing me out. He asked me a few questions about what happens when I wake up, heart racing? What's going through my mind, etc. And then he gets to the point. He wants to put me on an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) in addition to my current anti-depressant (a dopamine reuptake blocking compound). While sleeplessness is a common symptom of pregnancy he feels (and I tend to agree) that my anxiety can be playing a big role. I've also experienced some "shame spirals" lately, as we call them. But he said for the next 4 weeks it's optional but after that I need to get on something because I'm classic textbook candidate for post-partum depression.

Bryan and I already have discussed that possibility and figured it's pretty inevitable. I know me and always knew that was a great risk. That is the last thing I want, my sister went through it and it was horrible to watch. Seeing someone go through depression is hard enough but when a newborn is involved it is even harder. She was 200% better with her second child but she never really got treatment the first time and it went on way longer than it should have. So my doctor wants me to be on meds about 4 weeks before I deliver so they are already effective and just something to get me through the first 6 weeks. He said my saving grace is that I'm due in the summer when the weather is nice and there is a lot of sunlight. It would be much harder for me in the dead of winter since that is a tough period for me anyway! I'll have to remember that for next baby making session.

Well I'm sitting here staring at the new meds and still contemplating it. I'm not opposed to it, I'm not sure what is holding me back. I know he wouldn't prescribe anything unsafe while pregnant or nursing. I know I NEED meds (and really therapy), I don't have any problem admitting that. I love when I hear how I don't need them blah blah...so if you value your life you won't suggest I stop taking meds!

But this is a big part of why I love my doctor so much. He was the ONLY doctor (aside from my prescribing psychiatrist) that knew what my previous medication was. (Unfortunately that medicine was not safe to take while pregnant). But I've had doctors asking me how to spell it; they looked through their damn books to find info on it so I was greatly impressed when my OB/GYN could tell me all about the medication. I know picking your OB on the fact he knew of a particular medicine isn't the best way but it told me he's up to date, he has more general knowledge outside of the GYN world. (Plus he trained under midwives too so he's the perfect balance of "natural" and "clinical" for me.) I wanted someone who knew my whole life and could take all aspects into account. But I just found out yesterday that he was trained in the psych field before, he did some work out of Sheppard Pratt and he currently does some primary care for people in need of head meds. He's the perfect combo for me! So for now I'm still deciding on the meds. I know I'll do it, I just may wait a few more weeks. It's hard because all pregnant women experience mood issues but it's hard to tell what is normal pregnancy hormones acting up and what is being compounded by that along with my depression. He said every mood change a normal pregnant woman would experience would only be greatly increased for me. I rather not (and I'm sure Bryan would rather not) deal with unnecessary negative feelings and mood swings if we don't have to.

Ugh, more decisions…


Blogger KELLI BELLY said...

I feel you on the meds. I always feel like that when I'm pregnant. I was nervous to take Zophran for nausea but did because I had to take care of another child. Now I know tons of people that took it.Hell I don't even think I took tylenol that often. But you know whats best for you and you trust your doctor. You'll take them when your ready.:0)

8:41 AM  
Blogger Carmen said...

With my first, I didn't take so much as a tylenol. With my second, I ended up with PPD, and it took 6 months to come up for air.

With 3 and 4, there were no problems. #5 had me with a new provider - a midwife - who listened to me and I started Zoloft at 36 weeks. I've been on it ever since - baring that period of time before I was 13 weeks with #6.

Good luck! I know it's hard.

12:09 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Flinger said...

Hon, do what you need/feel is best for you. I had PPD pretty bad. The whole "wanting to leave my family" thing. It's rough. But once I got help, it's SO much better. I'll take meds next time around. I don't want to go back to that horrible dark place. I'm actually ME again.

It's a personal decision that you get to make as a Mom already.

11:07 PM  

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