Thursday, March 31, 2005

F#@!K the World!

Man I know that is harsh but that is how I feel today! I’m driving to work and get hit by a big rock and will now have to replace my windshield. I know it happens to people every day but it’s one of those things that is a big inconvenience to deal with not to mention money you never really anticipate having to spend. I won’t even get into the absurdities at my job but believe me, there are tons.

What really put me over the edge today is this bull-shit life insurance we’ve been trying to get. We filled out the applications and dealt with the pointless “exam”. Then we endured all these additional random phone calls asking for stupid explanations.

To Bryan: “Why did you gain wieght?”
“Because I stopped exercising and gained weight like millions of people” (which technically wasn’t even gaining weight, it was just returning to his regular weight)

To Me: “Why did you gain weight?”
“Because I’m fucking pregnant dumbass”

It was just stupid question after another. I was even asked to fill out a supplemental Alcohol and Drug use form. ME! You all know how much of a lush I am. Oooh, my 1 Smirnoff Ice a year will really screw me. It was absurd. I just went down the list “never, never, never” (Heaven forbid they ever found out I smoked pot occasionally in high school…and fine some years after). Finally the underwriting for me is finished. I GOT A BIG FUCKING DECLINED. I KNEW I would be declined because I know how these assholes think. They see I take anti-depressants and see I’ve been to therapy years ago and red flags go up all over the place (which I’m sure is what prompted the drug and alcohol thing because if a person needs to talk to someone about their annoying family, it must mean they have to be drunk and coked up just to deal with life). That’s what the suicide clauses are for anyway!

It just really showed the ignorance of the health/life and insurance world in general. Man it pisses me off! While I’m thankful it’s finally over, I’m kind of upset over the fact that if something were to happen to me, Bryan and baby will be on their own without all of the financial support I currently provide (ha!). Bryan will most likely be approved so if something were to happen to the both of us, fortunately baby will have some coverage. Normally I wouldn’t worry too much about it because generally most jobs we get provide some free coverage but the point is that when I go PT I’ll most likely loose any benefits I have. And I remember a question on the form “Have you ever been turned down for life insurance before?” So if in the future I should ever want to try this again, I’m sure that answer right there would be enough to make them stamp “Reject” on my forehead and make me leave.

I am so mad. It makes me feel as if I’m the raging, mad, lunatic I am (but who are they to judge!)

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I guess once every two years isn't TOO much to ask

So I had to get my emissions test done today and it was surprisingly quick and easy and not the big scary monster I was expecting. Apparently I had missed my original deadline and was running the risk of having my vehicle registration suspended. But I completely object to ever receiving a first notice. Now I know I am completely flakey and the envelope it came in looks way too similar to junk mail so there is a possibility I did receive it and threw it right in the trash. BUT I noticed that every other person getting tested today had the same bright red past due notice that I had (unlike the blue Bryan received since he’s not a screw up like me and still has plenty of time before his due date). Always the conspiracy theorist, I believe the MVA neglected to send out a batch of notices and just issued the past due ones in order to scam everyone of the additional $15 late fee. That’s my theory.

But once I received the notice I instantly freak out. When I think of emissions testing I’m instantly brought back to 1995 when I lived in Atlanta (Buckhead to be exact where everyone drives a Rolls Royce…scratch that, where everyone’s personal DRIVER drives them around in their Rolls Royce) Except for 18 year old me putting around in my ’87 Plymouth Reliant station wagon. Sometimes not even putting around, it was very likely I was pulled off to the side of the road as my car overheated. Anyway I had a very scarring experience with the emissions testing down there. My car was doomed to fail any kind of emissions control (the black smog coming out of my exhaust would have been a hint) and I was dirt poor and could hardly afford the $15 test let alone the mandatory repairs it would take to actually pass the test. By some twist of fate, and after my millionth attempt at trying to pass the test, I found the best mechanics. And I mean THE BEST. They were irreplaceable and if Atlanta was a day trip, I’d drive there now just for them to maintain my car. These guys were awesome and must have felt sorry for me. They would constantly band aid my radiator just to save me a buck instead of making me replace the whole thing. They even got me my favorite job of all times with Napa Auto parts making a whopping $6.40, freeing me from the $4.90 I was making at the Kroger supermarket. So when I showed up in tears asking them what I needed to do to pass this stupid emissions thing, they came up with the perfect con. See in Atlanta when you fail a test, you have make repairs and show SOME improvement as long as you spent over a certain amount of money. You weren’t even required to pass by the proper levels, if the improvement and the money spent was enough. So they rigged some spark plug thing so when I failed the test I would fail it sooooo horribly that when they fixed the spark plug, it would show a huge improvement. And they created some phony receipt showing I “spent” the minimum to repair my car. So the EPA would have been pissed but to a poor 18 year old, alone in a city full of rich people, they were Angels from above!

Obviously my 2002 Xterra (which I’m sure the EPA is still pissed at me for driving an SUV) wouldn’t have these troubles but I will forever fear the state emissions. I much rather flee the country than deal with that again! Now I’m off the hook for another 2 years…

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Thanks Maria Montessori!

As parents I think we, or at least I, will second guess almost every decision I make. I can’t go into a Babies R Us store without getting dizzy, trying to make sure I pick the best of everything when there are so many options to choose from (not even taking style into consideration because style and baby shit does not go hand in hand). And right now we’re already struggling over what to do for day care a couple of days a week and I’m sure I’ll never fully feel comfortable with whatever we decide. But one thing I feel confident in already is our decision to enroll our child in Montessori School, when it’s time.

Schooling is so important and already I began stressing because we currently live in Baltimore City and I KNEW I did not want to send my child to these particular city public schools. Catholic schools were an option but ask me about my many hang ups with religion. Other private schools are available and I even threw around the idea of home schooling. Considering I’d actually be the teacher in that scenario, it was enough to scare me away from that. And then I remembered a good friend had gone to Montessori school and we looked into their teaching philosophy and it was made for us. Well me… and I thought it would take some time for me to convince Bryan that it was the best option but after he read this FAQ page he was hooked as well. Then we did our own additional research and it just keeps sounding better and better. Even their focus on proper nutrition in school is exactly what I’m looking for. I asked my former Montessori student friend what she thinks of it now as an adult and she has nothing but loving praises to say about it. Ask most people what they thought of school when they were younger and it’s rare people would talk so highly of their experience and what they gained from it (college aside). Bryan and I both feel we would have thrived so much more in that environment. I hate many of the rules put in place solely for teachers benefits, if my child has to go to the bathroom more than twice a day, I want them to feel they can just go and not be forced to wait for no real good reason. Many schools are limiting or even eliminating recess and/or PE and that is such a huge mistake. I want my child to be encouraged to be free, independent, creative and most importantly, confident. I want my child to go to Montessori school….now if all the other decisions would come that easily!

Friday, March 25, 2005

Back in the saddle

Man what a difference a day of antibiotics make! I fell asleep at 8pm, actually slept through most of the night BREATHING OUT OF MY NOSE! That was amazing. I thought it was a good sign I woke up without an aching head and craving cereal. Unfortunately feeling better means back to work. Boooh! I still got the pitty party at the office because I look worse than I feel. I have a nice mustache of dried skin. A co-worker said my jaw line still looked swollen from being sick (enough with the Fat Head already!). Well I couldn't show up all glam after being out for a week. I can't even begin to describe the state of my hair.

I felt so bad, my mom called me around 11:30 to make sure I was home because she made me some homemade chicken soup. She got up early, bought the chicken and started cooking, only to find out I came in to work today. Had I known her plan, I would have gladly milked this bug a little longer. It's probably best nobody sees our house, I had to cancel the cleaners yesterday and we need it terribly!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Sniff, sniff

I'm still home sick if anyone was wondering. I actually feel worse today then I did yesterday (maybe bronchitis now???). But have no fear, got some Zithromax antibiotics on the way! Hopefully I'll get my appetite back. I can barely eat and the baby is kicking non-stop. I hope he's not trying to tell me he's starving to death! I am getting my fluids though, don't worry. I can't seem to get enough of those. But I'm hardly peeing...that's odd. With all that I've been drinking you'd think I'd be forced to stay on the toilet all day. Looks like tomorrow may be another "work from home" day. Man I'm going to be screwed with my deadlines being out all week. Oh well, our health comes first!

Pray for me, I do feel as if I am dying!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

24 weeks and counting

I had my 24 week OB appointment today after canceling my Monday appointment thanks to the flu. I should really be home in bed but I wanted to get this appointment in to not throw off my whole 4 week cycles.

These appointments are so uneventful. I gained 6 lbs as opposed to my typical 8 or 9. It helps that I haven’t really eaten much in the last 3 days though so I probably would have gained my normal anyway. My Vans weigh a lot and I almost thought twice about wearing them but said fuck it. If I’m fat, I’m fat. My doctor said my weight was good so that’s all I can ask for. I did get some reassurance when I saw my sister who looks like she weighs negative 20 lbs. She has always been skinny and she put on 60 pounds during her pregnancy and is now even skinnier than she was before she had her baby. And she doesn’t diet nor exercise other than the typical workouts moms get from lugging around all the baby gear. But she’s pretty unique in my family, her metabolism has always been extra kind to her with the way she eats. Still gives me some hope. So at 24 weeks I’ve gained a total of 28 pounds. A girl who’s 3 months ahead of me says she only gained 25 which I want to know how that is possible when she is now the size of a house and it’s NOT all baby. Call me bitter. Other than that the appointment was your everyday prenatal checkup. In and out. I have to get my sugar test next in about a month. Not looking forward to sitting in the lab for an hour since my OB doesn’t do any testing at their office. The baby has been kicking a ton now and I love it. It’s such an awesome feeling. I hope he’s doing OK with this flu.

Man the flu is a BITCH when you are pregnant. As you know Bryan started off sick but it was just with achiness, fever, sore throat, coughing and congestion. And my niece and nephew passed on their flu to my mom and sister which their symptoms were only vomiting and some achiness. Well I think I had a hybrid of the 2. My throat started hurting late Sunday and continually got worse and then I felt like I had a fever with congestion and achiness. Then I started vomiting Monday and the achiness was unbearable. Everything hurt, I wanted to brush my teeth with razor blades because I thought my gums would actually feel better if I did that. I don’t know if vomiting is much more difficult to do with a bigger baby in your stomach or what but I’ve never had such a painful vomiting experience as I had. With every heave I’d choke on it for like 10 minutes, my eyes would be bulging out of my head and I’d be gasping for air. It just felt like my stomach was in the way, it was horrible and now I probably have a million broken capillaries in my face (maybe that is what looks like a rash?? Ugh). I made Bryan come home from work early to take care of me, I felt so bad. And what’s worse is he then woke up Tuesday vomiting. So we had a nice cycle of 2 viruses going around. Fortunately the vomiting only lasted 1 day as it did with the rest of my family. Then the sore throat and other symptoms came back which is where I still am today suffering through at work. Which I can’t say I’m actually working, I’m just here physically in my zombie-like state.

I have tons o’stories floating around in my head I’m looking forward to posting about but it might have to wait for a healthier day. Because right now I don’t even know what I just wrote, I just felt I owed “my people” an update (haha, kidding).

Monday, March 21, 2005

So I exaggerated

Maybe "immune system of steal" was a little far fetched. At least my immune system thought so. Guess who's home sick now. Wahhhhhhhh, and I don't have anyone to take care of me.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

We're back now give me the antibiotics and lysol!

CT went pretty well considering. My sister didn’t recognize me because my “face is fuller.” She might as well of called me Fat Head. My poor husband’s health continued to deteriorate. He suffered through a 4.5 hour car ride there, was unloaded into the hotel room and left to fend for himself the rest of the day as I visited with my family. He even suffered through the baptism, following brunch and another 4.5 hour car ride. We kept him as isolated as possible as to not infect everyone he encountered. Despite our efforts, my sister from Chicago AND my mom woke up today with the flu. Maybe I was the virus carrier or maybe it’s because my niece and nephew just got over the flu and their house has yet to be rid of the lingering germs. Either way, we were a sad group. I’m amazed that I have yet to catch anything after being in a locked car with a sick guy for 9 hours. I always catch anything that’s going around, I’m extra susceptible to illness of any kind, physical or mental, yet during this pregnancy I’ve had the immune system of steal.

We did a little shopping in down town New Haven and ran into a very cute baby store. I was very excited because I finally got to see the Fluerville diaper bag I was planning on getting (in red!) in person. It’s even better in real life opposed to some images on the PC, but much bigger than expected. Sadly I decided it’s too much money to spend on a diaper bag, even I can’t rationalize it. I’m hoping to find a good deal and/or used on Ebay since the quality seems superb but even on Ebay they go for $100+. Maybe I’ll get lucky one day.

I’m always excited to spend time w/my nephew because I feel it will give me some much needed baby practice. I’ve never even really been one of those people that babysat or anything so I’m as green as they come. It was diaper changing time and I was so happy I volunteered to change it until I saw what was in it. I then passed and said that maybe my first diaper change should be pee one only. Don’t want to rush into anything right??

Friday, March 18, 2005

Just Wait...

Man if there is one thing I can't stand it's the "Just wait" knew who I mean. I'm thinking of one person in particular at the moment that also happens to be pregnant and is about 3 months ahead of me. "Just wait until you get to your 3rd trimester if you think it was bad before." LET ME TELL YOU, there are very few people who understand just how sick I was 24/7 my first trimester and a half. So this coming from her who experienced the "occasional nausea" means shit to me. I threw up constantly, and when I wasn't throwing up I was wishing someone would kill me. I was in the hospital from being sick so much, I had to be put on VERY expensive medication just to make life tolerable. Sometimes I could make it to the toilet at work, and sometimes I had to spend 30 minutes cleaning up the bathroom afterwards in tears. So I think if I could make it through that, I'll be OK, no need to warn me.

And one day we were ordering Chinese for lunch and I happened to pick a spicy dish..."Just wait until you get heartburn from drinking water." How about you "just wait until I knock your teeth out." I'm not a moron, I am aware of what could possibly be in store for me and your unsolicited warnings help me in no way. Their sole purpose is to bring me down to your miserable level.

Now if you want to say "Just wait until your son says 'I love you mommy' for the first time" then you can say that to me, but keep your negative epiphanies to yourself. Please, go point out the obvious somewhere else.

Mothering skills put to the test

And I'm hoping I passed! Last night my husband was sick and I mean this is the sickest I've seen him out of the 5 1/2 years we've been together. It wasn't too bad before we went to bed but it drastically changed sometime during the night. Pre-pregnant me would have kicked him out of bed or pretended to be sleeping through the bed trembling from his shivering and him saying "I'm sooooo cold, I'm sooooo cold." But not the new mama me. I was dreadfully tired but I hopped up, got him another blanket and went and looked for some medicine expecting not to find any. I was surprised right in our normal medicine place was something for nighttime flu! Non-pregnant me would have bitched at him for not taking the medicine before bed like I suggested when he insisted we didn't have any. Thinking my job was done he demanded I take his temperature. I used the old hand on the forehead standby but that wasn't good enough. He wanted me to get the thermometer which the only thermometer we have is my Basil Body digital one I used to track my ovulation. So I'm frantically looking for my big purple thermometer, trying to remember where I had it last about 6 months ago. I had to break the news that I couldn't find it. He then tricked me into going all the way downstairs to the kitchen to look and I happily obliged. Still no thermometer. But I used that time in the kitchen to my advantage, I stalled for a while hoping the medicine would instantly kick in and knock him out (plus the chocolate pudding was calling my name).

After I returned he's still lying there shivering, eyes wide open. I climb back into bed with no other options until the dry heaving begins and I have to get up and grab a trash can. At this point the baby is kicking like crazy, probably feeing betrayed and wondering who this other baby is his mother is taking care of. I also get the 3rd degree about why I put the extra blanket on him still folded in half (I thought it would be twice as warm!) He finally drifts off yet I'm now completely wide awake staring at the clock...3:30, 4:15, 5:00. I'm about to cry at this point because I know how impossible it will be to wake up when my alarm goes off in an hour. Then I remember, this is only preparing me for the real motherhood.

Fine it was me

OK so I realized that blogger was working just fine and it was me who had some bad code causing my posts not to update. I'm not sure why I pretend to know how to do this stuff!

Thursday, March 17, 2005

In the clear

I just found out the results from my annoying “emergency” ultrasound I had on Tuesday and everything is A.O.K. I knew it would be and I knew that since I hadn’t heard for almost 2 days that if there were anything it couldn’t be anything major, or there would be major hell to pay for them taking so long to tell me!

I honestly figured it would end up being nothing or something silly like another awful bout of constipation. But I was a little skeptical because I did have some good poopings those painful days and the pain didn’t subside. Plus when the doctor suggests I get an ultrasound I’m not going to turn down another chance to see my boy. Had I known the experience would be so frustrating I may have thought twice. I did get to find out my cervix is nice and long plus another awesome u/s pic out of the deal.

Off topic, I’m wearing a maternity shirt today with horizontal stripes. Why would they make maternity clothes with horizontal stripes, the one thing that is known to make people look even WIDER than they are??? Oh well, it was $5.99 at Old Navy, what’s a pregnant girl with a limited wardrobe to do?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Random thought of the moment

How did I manage to get cellulite on my knees? My knees for Christ sake? They are practically all bone!

The little man at 23 weeks. I can already tell he'll have my nose (poor thing) and Bryan's mouth Posted by Hello

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Ultrasound techs are infertile!

OK so that may be an exaggeration. But there has to be some explanation for why they are completely insensitive to expecting parents. I’ve had 3 ultrasounds this pregnancy thus far. My first experience wasn’t too bad although I was only 8 weeks along. But I was being checked out by a med student. I ALWAYS seem to get the clumsy med students that really get on my fucking nerves but I try to be polite so I don’t scare them away from fulfilling their life long occupational dreams. Anyway, I went in for some minor spotting which turned out to be a subchorionic bleed. There wasn’t too much that could really piss me off at that visit. Then I had my follow up to the bleed almost 10 weeks later. I had the same tech, thankfully minus the student. This time Bryan came along since there was a chance at 18 weeks, we could find out the gender. So we begin and Bryan stands up so he can actually see the monitor. He happened to stand behind the tech since we are practically in a 3 foot square closet, he didn’t have many options. Suddenly the little troll turns into the exorcist and in a demonic voice says to him “DON’T STAND BEHIND ME!” Ok trauma victim. I’m sorry you must have had a horrible experience with someone standing over your shoulder but get some counseling and give the new dad a break; he just wants to see his fetus. We all settled down and the ultrasound continued as planned….with Bryan sitting in the chair with his neck stretched to the max so he can see our boy. After we finish up the lady tells me that she doesn’t tell anyone if there is something bad, she leaves that up to the doctor. What the fuck?? Did she really just say that? This was my follow up to a problem I was having and for all I know I could be having massive internal bleeding but I’d have to wait 2 days to find out from my doctor. The only thing that kept me from holding her hostage until I had an answer was the assumption she wouldn’t have the nerve to say that to me if there was indeed anything wrong. Fortunately it was all OK and we were able to leave knowing our boy was indeed a boy (even though she didn’t even give us a picture of his little wee-wee.) That would have been nice so we could show it off and study it to make sure we didn’t see any conflicting sex organs.

Now on to present day, I went in for another ultrasound due to some, at times, intense pain I’ve been having the last couple of days. I was pleasantly surprised that I had a new tech who looked a little June Cleaver-ish. I thought “Now I know this lady won’t have any of her split personalities lashing out at me.” I wasn’t expecting as thorough of an exam as my last since they did all the measurements and limb counting last time. So before she began I asked if she could get a shot of the gender and give me a print out. Still in her perky voice I get the “Wellllll, we don’t normally do that but I’ll try.” Why don’t you do that? B/c that would make parents too happy? The parents who chose to find out the sex love to have a little memento. Just another piece of reassurance. Fine, whatever…bitch. So the exam begins and I can’t see a damn thing. I’m clearly struggling to see the monitor and so she turns it toward me like a hair. So helpful. So she’s doing her thing and my upper body is trembling from trying to hold myself up so I can catch a glimpse of my baby. I’m making myself nauseas because I’m straining my eyes so hard. Finally I asked her if she could see the baby, implying I can’t. She started to point out the different parts and I snapped “I can’t see the monitor at all!” Instead of moving it back so we both could see she tells me I could slide down on the table. Ummm, you can only slide down so much on those things not to mention it’s hard to slither down when you have your pants pulled down enough so you can’t use your legs much and you are already a bit ungraceful because you have yet to adjust to your new size. Thanks, it hardly helped. She finally confirmed again that he is indeed a he, not that I could see. I was still waiting for my print out. She gets a good shot of his profile and prints it out for me and runs into some printer trouble. After that is resolved she hands me the profile shot and informs me “Well I got a picture of the gender but it didn’t print out because the printer was messed up.” Gimmee a fucking break. She would have noticed the printer problem as she did with my other print out and/or she could have reprinted once she fixed it. What a lame excuse for just being an ass. Don’t they know mother’s go 9 (ten) months growing a human being inside of them, enduring all kinds of pains and discomforts and all we have to hold us over are a few hard to distinguish ultrasound pictures
! She must be infertile.

Please ignore that slight fat roll on my back, it doesn't exist!
 Posted by Hello

23 weeks - don't be fooled by how good my belly button looks in this picture. It's a whole other story in person! Posted by Hello

The cutest little onsies you ever did see. Our boy will make his daddy proud in his "Skateboarding Is Not A Crime," "Thrasher Skateboard Magazine," and "Independent" gear courtesy of
 Posted by Hello

Monday, March 14, 2005

Water Logged

I am feeling very fat today. Not in the typical “I’m fat” girl way but more so in a typical “I’m fat” PREGNANT girl way. It’s still depressing. On top of my expected weight gain from eating pizza every day (not just some pizza, usually then ENTIRE pizza) the water retention has begun. I can no longer easily remove my wedding rings when I slather my unshapely body up w/lotion. I constantly have indentations on my legs from my socks no matter how loose they are. And I’m outgrowing my maternity clothes. While that can be expected b/c your belly grows so much and you typically need to increase sizes at some point during your pregnancy but my pants fit just fine in the waist. I still have expansion room in the belly; it’s my thighs that tell another tale. While I was known to sport tight ass pants when I was a size 2 (OK sometimes a 4) I’m not quite feeling that look at the moment but I have no choice. I was so looking forward to spring and summer. I couldn’t wait to show off my pregnant bod w/cute skirts and little tank tops. But thanks to my new outty, I may opt for something a little less revealing in the stomach area. And skirts may no longer be an option as the size of my thighs increase I could start a forest fire from all the chafing from them rubbing together. Something I naively didn’t anticipate. It might be safer for everyone if I keep some kind of non-flammable fabric between my legs this summer.

There is a bright side. I don’t have stretch marks….yet. I haven’t developed any of the scary varicose veins that plagued my mom and sister…yet. AND I did get to buy new big ass size D bras!! No more pretending I’m a full C. So what if my new big boobs are now accompanied w/big, black nipples? I can proudly and honestly say I wear a D. So bring on the pizza, let’s go for Double-D's!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Almost our 1yr anniversary and I have a new love...

Today has been a really rough day for my husband and I. In approximately 1 month we will be celebrating our 1 year wedding anniversary yet today I had to tell him something I never anticipated. He’s been everything to me over the last 5 ½ years. My best friend, my confidant, my security blanket, my endless supporter, my husband and the father to our child-in-progress. He’s been everything to me and more. I truly believe he will always be my soul mate and ‘Ribbie” (a term we coined during our mandatory marriage Pre-Cana class). They say God created woman by using the rib of man. I have been made from Bryan’s rib; we are of the same mold. We are different enough so it doesn’t feel I am married to myself yet identical in all the important ways. But today, today is just a sad day in our almost seemingly perfect love life. After falling in love with him more and more every day I have succumb to the fact that there is a new love in my life. And at this point in time, my new love has brought me greater satisfaction and a feeling of serenity I have never felt before. It was time I broke it to Bryan no matter how painful it would be for the both of us. I am in love with…..Tucks Medicated Pads. That’s right, TUCKS! You see, I am a tad over 5 ½ months pregnant and with pregnancy comes more discomfort than you ever heard or read about. I’m sorry to say that hemorrhoids are one of the most unbearable side effects that pregnancy has on the human body. Oh I tried to suffer through them, living in denial. I am 27 and at times can be pretty damn hot. Someone like me does not get hemorrhoids yet there was no denying that some alien life form had replaced my normally inoffensive rectum with a burning ring of fire. I broke down one day and ran, I mean ran to Safeway to purchase some Tucks and Preparation- H cream, expecting them not to work (b/c at this point I was still not admitting this was the cause). I soaked my little hiney hole in a nice bath, made sure it was clean enough to eat off of and went for the Preparation-H cream. I waited, and waited and nothing. See! It’s NOT hemorrhoids. I then went for the Tucks, rather pessimistic at this point. How could a little wipe work better than a soothing salve? I gave it a shot and it was like instant euphoria. Do you remember the commercial where they put the lit match out w/the pad never really thinking, or imagining just what it could feel like? Well it feels like that and that fucking Tucks put my match out so quickly I am now hopelessly in love with a medicated pad.

4 weeks later and an inny no more Posted by Hello

19 weeks Posted by Hello

4.17.04 Posted by Hello

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Surgeon Sloth

For those who don't know, I often refer to my Mr. C-ta as Sloth. It's not that he has 3 fingers and takes a month to walk 5 feet, it's just he's so laid back it's as if time stops when he moves. I think that may be a big reason we still hold hands every where we walk, otherwise I look back and he's 3 miles behind me.

Well I have never seen Sloth move so fast and with such precision as I have last night. What happened was I read a book. Not just any book, the infamous "What to expect when you are expecting." I should have known better. It's filled with obviously helpful info but also symptom after symptom of pregnancy. And for some reason I don't experience any symptoms until I READ about them. I could hear about them all day long but once I lay eyes on the words, I'm plagued for life. I never learn and I'm reading and reading until my eyes scanned my fate "By now you may have experienced muscle cramps in your calves." Or something like that. It might as well of said "By now your calf muscles must have suddenly shrunk 2 feet too short for your legs and tried to pull your toes through the bottom of your foot up to your head." I abruptly closed the book, knowing what would be in store for me. I dosed off and did my usual tossing and turning and peeing and peeing and tossing and turning until the Devil struck. All I could do was let out these almost cartoon-like yelps "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..." Sloth is awoken from his deep slumber and with concern asks "What's wrong?" I mutter through my pain "Cramps....leg.." I'm thinking at this point, knowing our baby isn't at risk, he'd dose right off but not tonight. Sloth quickly rises and without hesitation grabs my foot and does some voodoo touch and instantly, I mean INSTANTLY, the pain was gone. I don't know what he did but he was my hero. Before he went back to awaiting dreams filled w/super models and porn stars (I'm sure) he so matter-of-factly stated "You need to simulate standing up” sounding like a seasoned doctor. And then he was off....

Then an hour later it struck again in the other leg. I released the same "ow, ow, ow" but I remained calm knowing Dr. Sloth would be at my rescue. But this time he mumbled w/out moving "Just stand up!" He shared his wisdom once and I was now on my own.

He's still my hero and the fastest moving sloth when he needs to be.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

ALL J Photos!

Our Furbabies

Our Wedding Pictures