Pain in the ass

I received an email from a pregnant friend yesterday who was saying how her tailbone has been bothering her. I thought how I’ve been lucky not to have that issue (along with any heartburn or stretch marks what so ever) and I thought how now I’ll probably end up with a painful tailbone. (You remember how once I read about something it happens to me!) Well guess what was hurting me for the entire day after that email? Yup! My tailbone, man you are so smart. Fortunately it may have been a fluke because as of right now I have no pain. But I’m extremely leery of any kind of sensitivity involving this bone with good reason. When I was 17 I experienced an unpleasant injury to my tailbone which required physical therapy. How did I hurt it you ask? Good question because all I know is I’m minding my business taking a poop and once I was done I could barely walk. There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary with this poop other than it was after a big Thanksgiving meal. Other than that I have no idea what could have caused this tragedy.

I let it go for about a week before realizing it was only getting worse and I needed medical attention. Next thing I know I’m laying face down on a table with some young, male physical therapist checking out my ass and not in a good way. He used some external thing that sent therapeutic waves to the area but of course that wouldn’t work for me. After concluding the bone was dislocated he informed me he’d have to move it back into the correct place. DO YOU KNOW HOW THEY MOVE A TAILBONE?? I thought I had suffered enough humiliation at that point until I realized that the easiest and probably only access to a tailbone was by STICKING HIS FINGERS UP MY ASS. So for 2 days a week for over a month I had to walk in, drop my pants and just bury my face wishing I could just die right there. But I was in THAT much pain that I actually kept coming back.

Fortunately I’ve recovered just fine and now I’m just permanently mentally scarred and overly protective of my tailbone.