Thursday, March 10, 2005

Surgeon Sloth

For those who don't know, I often refer to my Mr. C-ta as Sloth. It's not that he has 3 fingers and takes a month to walk 5 feet, it's just he's so laid back it's as if time stops when he moves. I think that may be a big reason we still hold hands every where we walk, otherwise I look back and he's 3 miles behind me.

Well I have never seen Sloth move so fast and with such precision as I have last night. What happened was I read a book. Not just any book, the infamous "What to expect when you are expecting." I should have known better. It's filled with obviously helpful info but also symptom after symptom of pregnancy. And for some reason I don't experience any symptoms until I READ about them. I could hear about them all day long but once I lay eyes on the words, I'm plagued for life. I never learn and I'm reading and reading until my eyes scanned my fate "By now you may have experienced muscle cramps in your calves." Or something like that. It might as well of said "By now your calf muscles must have suddenly shrunk 2 feet too short for your legs and tried to pull your toes through the bottom of your foot up to your head." I abruptly closed the book, knowing what would be in store for me. I dosed off and did my usual tossing and turning and peeing and peeing and tossing and turning until the Devil struck. All I could do was let out these almost cartoon-like yelps "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..." Sloth is awoken from his deep slumber and with concern asks "What's wrong?" I mutter through my pain "Cramps....leg.." I'm thinking at this point, knowing our baby isn't at risk, he'd dose right off but not tonight. Sloth quickly rises and without hesitation grabs my foot and does some voodoo touch and instantly, I mean INSTANTLY, the pain was gone. I don't know what he did but he was my hero. Before he went back to awaiting dreams filled w/super models and porn stars (I'm sure) he so matter-of-factly stated "You need to simulate standing up” sounding like a seasoned doctor. And then he was off....

Then an hour later it struck again in the other leg. I released the same "ow, ow, ow" but I remained calm knowing Dr. Sloth would be at my rescue. But this time he mumbled w/out moving "Just stand up!" He shared his wisdom once and I was now on my own.

He's still my hero and the fastest moving sloth when he needs to be.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

They are the most unbelievable charleyhorses ever!!!
2 Tips, elevate your legs and lay on your left side. (not simultainiously-lol)
It'll take away swelling, and the latter will optimise circulation.
and eat bananas, the Potassium naturally prevents spasm;)

8:08 AM  

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