Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Ultrasound techs are infertile!

OK so that may be an exaggeration. But there has to be some explanation for why they are completely insensitive to expecting parents. I’ve had 3 ultrasounds this pregnancy thus far. My first experience wasn’t too bad although I was only 8 weeks along. But I was being checked out by a med student. I ALWAYS seem to get the clumsy med students that really get on my fucking nerves but I try to be polite so I don’t scare them away from fulfilling their life long occupational dreams. Anyway, I went in for some minor spotting which turned out to be a subchorionic bleed. There wasn’t too much that could really piss me off at that visit. Then I had my follow up to the bleed almost 10 weeks later. I had the same tech, thankfully minus the student. This time Bryan came along since there was a chance at 18 weeks, we could find out the gender. So we begin and Bryan stands up so he can actually see the monitor. He happened to stand behind the tech since we are practically in a 3 foot square closet, he didn’t have many options. Suddenly the little troll turns into the exorcist and in a demonic voice says to him “DON’T STAND BEHIND ME!” Ok trauma victim. I’m sorry you must have had a horrible experience with someone standing over your shoulder but get some counseling and give the new dad a break; he just wants to see his fetus. We all settled down and the ultrasound continued as planned….with Bryan sitting in the chair with his neck stretched to the max so he can see our boy. After we finish up the lady tells me that she doesn’t tell anyone if there is something bad, she leaves that up to the doctor. What the fuck?? Did she really just say that? This was my follow up to a problem I was having and for all I know I could be having massive internal bleeding but I’d have to wait 2 days to find out from my doctor. The only thing that kept me from holding her hostage until I had an answer was the assumption she wouldn’t have the nerve to say that to me if there was indeed anything wrong. Fortunately it was all OK and we were able to leave knowing our boy was indeed a boy (even though she didn’t even give us a picture of his little wee-wee.) That would have been nice so we could show it off and study it to make sure we didn’t see any conflicting sex organs.

Now on to present day, I went in for another ultrasound due to some, at times, intense pain I’ve been having the last couple of days. I was pleasantly surprised that I had a new tech who looked a little June Cleaver-ish. I thought “Now I know this lady won’t have any of her split personalities lashing out at me.” I wasn’t expecting as thorough of an exam as my last since they did all the measurements and limb counting last time. So before she began I asked if she could get a shot of the gender and give me a print out. Still in her perky voice I get the “Wellllll, we don’t normally do that but I’ll try.” Why don’t you do that? B/c that would make parents too happy? The parents who chose to find out the sex love to have a little memento. Just another piece of reassurance. Fine, whatever…bitch. So the exam begins and I can’t see a damn thing. I’m clearly struggling to see the monitor and so she turns it toward me like a hair. So helpful. So she’s doing her thing and my upper body is trembling from trying to hold myself up so I can catch a glimpse of my baby. I’m making myself nauseas because I’m straining my eyes so hard. Finally I asked her if she could see the baby, implying I can’t. She started to point out the different parts and I snapped “I can’t see the monitor at all!” Instead of moving it back so we both could see she tells me I could slide down on the table. Ummm, you can only slide down so much on those things not to mention it’s hard to slither down when you have your pants pulled down enough so you can’t use your legs much and you are already a bit ungraceful because you have yet to adjust to your new size. Thanks, it hardly helped. She finally confirmed again that he is indeed a he, not that I could see. I was still waiting for my print out. She gets a good shot of his profile and prints it out for me and runs into some printer trouble. After that is resolved she hands me the profile shot and informs me “Well I got a picture of the gender but it didn’t print out because the printer was messed up.” Gimmee a fucking break. She would have noticed the printer problem as she did with my other print out and/or she could have reprinted once she fixed it. What a lame excuse for just being an ass. Don’t they know mother’s go 9 (ten) months growing a human being inside of them, enduring all kinds of pains and discomforts and all we have to hold us over are a few hard to distinguish ultrasound pictures
! She must be infertile.


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