BOO!

I had a change of heart. I handed out candy and let me tell you that took MAJOR willpower. I even bought a few kinds that didn't seem tempting like the Orange and cream kit-kats (yuck?) and Snickers Crunch which I know I don't like. I'm not sure what possessed me to buy Hershey's with Almonds candy bars though. For those who don't know, nuts in chocolate are like my fava flav. They were taunting me. And even the yucky candy smelled so good when I opened the bags. It's crazy how many times my hands just instinctively went to reach for a piece. It was totally subconscious, no wonder why people have a hard time losing weight. We're just so accustomed to taking a little here, a little there. We don't even have to think about it.

We dressed J up as a Puppy-who-looks-more-like-a-cow and we sat outside and handed out the candy. It was not my costume of choice, more like a hand-me-down from J's cousin. For what we were doing tonight and how long he'd be in it, it served it's purpose. He loves to people watch but man, do people not trick or treat anymore?? There were hardly any kids out. All the crazies keeping the kids indoors I guess. So I was giving out handfuls of candy because I did not want to be left with it.

It's kind of annoying around here because you get those kids from the other side of the park. The ones who are really too old to be doing it in the first place but they don't even attempt to dress up and they are total assholes. I hate it and I cringe when I see them coming. One kid doesn't even slow down he just sticks out his bag and expects people to just whip it out for him. So disrespectful he doesn't even stop to take your shit he just expects it. And then his good buddy who didn't even have a bag totally pissed me off. I was giving everyone handfuls, I guess I've already said that, but his handful was on the small side. A complete accident. And he had the nerve to say to me "Why don't you give me 2 more?" And I snapped "Why don't you appreciate what you got?" I was actually a little scared that it flew out of my mouth because these kids don't care about shit and don't worry about consequences. But he said "Nah, I'm just messin' whichoo." Oh I see, it was a little game, good times. Always somebody that has to ruin an innocent fun time for kids because now I probably won't hand any out next year just to avoid this kind of interaction. So how was your night?


no I'm not in a costume, sadly just my regular face

I'm a winner!!

I did it, I did it! My insomnia paid off, I won a pair of babylegs! Woo hoo, another pair on the way! I'm not sure which pair but they are sending me one. Very cool. Fuzzy Peach had won her first pair too. We're a lucky group, eh?

Another PS: Today is the day of mini-posts. A welcome change from my mile-long entries I imagine.

Bloginality

My Bloginality is INTJ!!!

What are you? Huh? Huh?

PS: Please tell my husband to get a haircut. It would make the best dating-anniversary present EVER.

Is there anybody out there?

So, anyone else wide awake at 4am??

Product Reviews

I'll start with the Me-In-Mind shoes. I give these 2 out of 5 stars. Just 2 stars because while they are extremely stylish as show in exhibit A.

A.



They make his feet shaped like they are horse hooves as shown in exhibit B.

B.


And they fall off easier than socks do as you can see in exhibit C.

C.


Overall I was pretty disappointed. I must say they have the best designs around, unfortunately the benefits of a stylish foot do not outweigh the inconvenience of searching for a lone shoe on the floor of a grocery store. I also felt the "thin foam cushion insert" is not only not needed in a 0-6 month shoe but also not beneficial for little toes to try and grip on to the ground while working on their standing technique.
Bottom line: I don't feel the $12 was a total waste and I think they will fit better when he's closer to 6 months but I'm glad I didn't buy all 7 pair I wanted and happy I started with a $12 pair instead of the $24.

Now for the Baby Legs

They get a whopping 5 out of 5 stars. I'll even go crazy and give them 6 stars. I was concerned about them staying up on legs with chunky monkey thighs and little calves. I was afraid they would constantly slip down or if they didn't slip down, they would be so tight they would cut his circulation off. Neither of these are the case.


They stay up great and seem just as comfortable with plenty of room for growth. Not to mention their convenience for a quick and hassle free diaper change. They are extremely versatile. You can do so much in them:

You can watch TV...


do some tummy time...


Or even faint in them and they don't budge.


We'll even try Yoga in them next week.

Bottom line: I'm going back for more!

I don't normally leave the grocery store in tears

Since I've started down this path of concern for J and limited diets I've been a little mentally...mmmmm...sensitive we'll say. I can easily go from normal to a fiery rage to a puddle of tears in seconds. And guess which one I turned into after my trip to Whole Foods?

I slept a total of 10 seconds last night so I had a hard time getting motivated today. I decided to just chill at home, all day, in my pajamas. Finally I started feeling like I should attempt to get dressed and maybe even venture out to see some sunlight. I was out of ground turkey, which is a diet staple; I go through a pack a day so all I've eaten today were some hash browns, brown rice and sweet potato "cookies." I needed to get some turkey. Taking J to the grocery store isn't one of my favorite things so I wasn't all gung-ho about doing it in the first place. We get there and I head straight to the turkey as fast as I could just incase someone would get there first and take some of the stock. I look and look and nothing. Not one pack of fucking turkey. Some people may think oh darn I'll get it next week. THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO EAT, I can't wait until next week. I ask the meat guy and he said "Oh it's in the case." By the look I gave him I assumed he figured out I already checked there. He double checks the back and says the truck should have been here but it hadn't come. I walk off mumbling things I shouldn't be saying in front of J.

Next thing on the list, Rice oil. Ok I see olive oil, canola, safflower, pumpkin, avocado, hazelnut, every stinkin' oil you can imagine EXCEPT for rice oil. I ask someone and they think they carry it but realized, "Hmm, I guess we don't." This time I walk off not quite mumbling anymore saying "this store is bullshit!"

I'll go get more sweet potatoes. Well wouldn't you know it was the saddest selection of sweet potatoes ever. I managed to find 3 scraggily looking ones to bring home. Pathetic. Last thing on the list, rice cakes. A very specific kind of rice cake. They actually had some. I swiped the last 4 packs they had. I'm all pissed off my entire trip was a bust but at least I got my rice cakes so I can have my "dessert" tonight.

Then their fire alarm goes off.

I look at the employee standing next to me giving her the dirtiest of looks as if she could magically make the alarm stop and put the possible fire out by sheer will power. No such luck. We are forced to leave our carts and go outside. I had the frigin infant car seat still so I had to drag that piece of lead outside where it was freezing. Neither J nor I were dressed appropriately for the weather since we would not be outside for more than 30 seconds or so I thought. And yesterday I had us bundled up and it was hot in the sun. Today, not so hot. I'm surprised the smoke coming from my head wasn't enough to keep us warm. I'm so upset and worried that J is freezing so I'm practically sitting on top of him in the car seat to keep him warm. This is when the tears kick in. I must have looked like a looney. I would have just abandoned my rice cakes and went home but I parked in the parking garage in the building. Where the fire alarm was going off, where we had to evacuate. Even if I could get to my car, I was NOT leaving until I had my parking ticket validated because hell if I am paying $6.25 to park for that shitty, pointless trip. How many times have you been in the grocery store when a fire alarm went off? I'm gonna guess and say not many. Am I so lucky that it would happen to me on an already crappy day?

We eventually get back inside and some guy strolls all slothily in front of me scratching his head like a gorilla and I snap "Excuse me, does this look light to you?" He moves. I frantically search for my stranded rice cakes and fortunately all 4 packs were still there. I grab them, pay for them, get my parking ticket stamped and get the hell up outta there. And cry all the way home.

The only redeeming quality about the trip today was the cute and friendly cashier. He was probably so nice to me because I looked like I was on the verge of suicide or murder. I know it wasn't because he thought I was cute since I had teary eyes, snot running out of my nose and yesterday's makeup still on, with a baby in tow. Not many men find that attractive.

Can't wait to go back tomorrow to get my turkey.

Yogi

We had our 4th yoga class today out of 6. I really wanted to skip it because I am soooo tired but I was afraid J would be sad and bored bummin' around all day. But he's gotten himself into a little routine so when the clock strikes noon, he turns into a sleepy pumpkin. Since the yoga class is from 11:30 - 12:30, the 2nd half of the class isn't quite as fun. But it sure does make a nice relaxing car ride home while he's conked out in the back. There were only 3 of us there today and at one point all 3 of us were nursing so we just chatted. They all said J grew so much since last week’s class.

There was a new girl there today, hair and nails all done (roll eyes). She had her little 5 week old. She was telling us how quick and easy her delivery was (roll eyes). Someone said how alert her baby was and she said "she was this way since the moment she was born (roll eyes). She said how she's been rolling over since she was two weeks old (roll eyes). And "her neck is so strong for her age" (roll eyes). OK, I'm not that mean, it's cute when moms are so proud and her baby was very precious. We all know I'm not one to hold back on the "isn't my boy perfect!" talk. I did however say "well she's just a miracle baby isn't she?" jokingly of course. I bet she sleeps through the night and poops flowers too, right?

J's allergist called today making his routine patient checkups. I guess he's heard me cursing his name. I should be happy he called, he doesn't have to do that and most doctors don't. He could just assume I'd call if I had concerns. Unfortunately I missed his call (because he called at the ass-crack of dawn!) So I'm now waiting for him to return my call. I hope this seething anger I have dies down before he calls back. I'd like to have a nice, calm, rational conversation, politely demanding some explanations for the lack of info provided at our appointment.

And what's up with J's hair! I thought we were passed the infant-pattern baldness. His hair is now thinning on the top, just when the back and sides were starting to grow in nicely. And actually it's receding around the sides too again...is this normal? Nobody warned me about this. Maybe because if they tried I wouldn't listen.

Did the mail come?!

Oh my God, oh my God, so excited.

I just ordered these shoes (thanks again for the link Elb!) and these FREAKIN' adorable baby leg warmers in blue/brown stripe and olive/khaki stripe. Must stop shopping. Christmas is coming faster than you can save money. (Don't worry hun, all from my allowance!)

I have to give major props to Fuzzy Peach because she bought the leg warmers first and is the one who told me where to find them. (Fuzzy Peach I hope you don't mind me totally stealing your baby style, I figured we live in completely different parts of the country and don't know any of the same people and probably will never run into each other the same day our babies are wearing them, etc, more reasons...). I'm just so looking forward to not have to deal with diaper changes at home with taking pants on and off since it can get chilly in our house these days.

But more importantly after many hours of asking where to find and buying and returning and searching, I FINALLY found vitamins that do not contain dairy/soy/wheat/gluten/corn and are NOT in a capsule made from beef. Not an easy feat. Do you know how unneriving it is to be on an elimination diet only to find out you sabatoged yourself by trying to make up for any missing nutrients?! Very.Unnerving.

Saving Private Sanity

We skipped the movie yesterday, for some reason the movie "Dreamer" just wasn't talking to me. So today a friend and I met up with our babies for some mall-walkin'. It was so nice to just stroll along in our own casual way. Not having to worry about if the other would be annoyed if we had to find a changing table or a bench because the little ones were getting hungry. We even splurged on those massage chairs while nursing. Well she did, she gave me money to do the same because my po' ass didn't even have a dolla on me! Well I could have a million in the bank and never seem to have any cash on me. I think J was a little unsure of the milkshake I was serving up.

We got to vent about the endless new-mom struggles (her) and veteran-mom struggles (me..haha). Very relaxing, unstressful day. The best part was seeing her walking the mall with my fleece pouch sling and her baby nestled in tightly sleeping away. Something that doesn't happen very often. She asked if I could bring the sling so she could give it a try and both mom and baby loved it. She kept thanking me even though I had nothing to do with it. I gave it to her for a trial to see if it serves it's purpose at home before she buys one. I was surprised the baby was instantly in love, first time. No squirming or anything. They were both naturals. I just felt proud seeing a look of relief come over her face. I know she's mastered the art of many one-handed things but having 2 hands makes life so much easier. And if baby is going to be most content in a sling, it's a win/win. We've also learned, malls are not stroller friendly once you get inside those little stores. Really not many places are.

I haven't had J in a carrier too much lately and I think he missed it. Ever since I was pregnant I've had some funky back pain so I was giving it a break. Still had the back pain anyway so I hooked him up today. He seemed to really be happy I busted out the ol' sling and he settled down for a good nap. And then another nap.

One nap in the old fashioned cradle position and the 2nd nap in a new position for us, which I found rather comfy...guess he did too. I loved how he nuzzled his head into my chest like he was settling into a little cloud of love.



Have I said recently how much I love this guy?

On a lighter note

So do you think this means he likes his new car seat? And yes Rachel, Britax car seats do look like they are from the 80's. Alas, safety before style.

GI Update

We had our GI appointment Friday and it went as I expected. I was surprised I liked the doctor so much. From the name I couldn't tell if it was a man or woman. I was relieved it was a young (pretty) woman. I normally prefer male doctors but when breastfeeding is involved I prefer a woman, although there are plenty of women not very pro-breastfeeding.

She took history of my eating habits, how often/long J eats, what his elimination is like, his mood, other symptoms etc. She did a physical exam and said he has great skin, repeatedly kept saying how content he was (not relevant but never get sick of hearing it). She said he is really healthy and growing great. Never had doubts this big boy was growing.

She tested his stool and said whatever I've been doing is helping because while there was traces of blood (not visible to the eye in this particular diaper), normally it reacts by turning bright blue but his was very minimal, or something like that. Her point was, he isn't that severe. She confirmed there are no bacteria or parasites, and this is allergic colitis. Is it wrong I was praying for bacteria that could easily be taken care of by a magic pill and I could go on my merry eating way? No such luck.

She said she did not feel he needs any kind of medication or evasive testing, formula isn't necessary now since he is thriving so well and its "advantageous I keep breastfeeding." Yay, what I wanted to hear.

She instructed me to do diet elimination for 8 weeks before we re-evaluate. She said NOT to worry about blood or mucous during the 8 weeks because it will require at least 8 weeks to heal. And if during the 8 weeks, his stool gets back to the proper seedy consistency and remains consistently good, NOT to introduce any foods until AFTER the 8 weeks. (Patience isn't one of my stronger characteristics!)

The diet she recommended is what I expected. She gave me a list to exclude (dairy/soy/eggs/corn/wheat/peanuts) She said meats, vegetables, fruits and spices are OK. Also anything rice, encouraged me to drink Rice Milk since it's vital for us breastfeeding moms to get our calcium and proper nutrients. She didn't feel I need to be as extreme as I am as I'm not doing beef, pork, chicken or a variety of fruits/veg/spices or worry about all the cross-contamination as in the rice milk.

Regardless of what she said about the diet, I am going to stay more hardcore than what she recommended, just because I don't want to go 8 weeks with no improvement then have to eliminate more and do another 8 weeks. I rather get it all out of the way up front, especially since I've already started. I've been doing diet elimination for sometime but I keep learning I wasn't very good at it (I.e. the probiotics I was using to help heal his gut contained ingredients he shouldn't have) so my official "start date" is 10.22. Hopefully I'll be able to challenge in new foods in 8 weeks. I was eating many more things before anyway as you know and kept seeing reactions which is why I've eliminated everything. The day after I ate oats and barley, he was really bad. Got rid of those. The day after I ate pork and broccoli he was really bad, got rid of those. Now I did add rice back because I learned that Rice Milk is risky, especially since it contains other ingredients so I'm going to blame Rice Milk for our rice issues and assume pure rice is OK. But if there are still issues that is the next thing to go. Surprisingly reactions to rice are pretty common despite many doctors denying rice would cause reactions. Yea, tell that to the mom's on my POFAK forum who only learned their babies had food allergies once they started solids and had to go to the ER within 2 hours of starting their first solid...rice cereal.

Anyway...so, I'm staying on my limited diet of all-natural turkey, sweet and yellow potatoes, yellow and green squash, rice (including oil, flour, syrup, pasta, rice cakes but no rice milk yet) sea salt, olive oil and pure cane sugar. Rice milk might be one of my first trials if we ever get J baselined again.

Now here is where I go into a shame-spiral and get all pessimistic and shit:

I've learned a lot since joining the POFAK group. Maybe too much and it's causing extreme paranoia. Bryan thinks I'm not being optimistic, and maybe it is my natural tendency to look at the worst case scenario, but I like to think I'm just getting informed of other *possible* outcomes. I know doctors are the "medically trained professionals" but I never have much faith in them and these parents have experienced it and are dealing with it first hand. That has more weight in my book than what any doctor may have "read" about something. Another strike against us, that I've recently learned (why I was just told this now, I don't know!) Bryan's cousin has a life-long peanut allergy and his uncle developed allergies to dairy and soy but not until his adult life. So guess we have some sensitivities floating around. It would have been helpful to know this so when doctors ask if we have anything like this in our family I could have said yes. Maybe they would have taken more notice.

Looking back, I'm unhappy with our visit to the allergist. I've since learned that allergy tests on a 2 month old are never accurate. Usually they will always test negative until they are at least 1 year old. Never was that mentioned to me that could be the case. Why bother testing then, or at least tell me that it may not be accurate. I feel I was led to believe he didn't have food allergies. It was implied this was a very common infant dairy/soy protein intolerance and most likely he'd outgrow it by 6 months, maybe a year. I've learned on the forums, that MOST of these kids on here test negative to food allergies but have severe reactions (even at 5 years old!) I was never explained the difference between non-IgE and IgE reactions and that non-IgE will never show up on a test but it's still a "food allergy." That's what scares me the most is that this can go on for years and get progressively worse. Now I'm hearing a year is being optimistic especially if multiple foods are involved. In his defense, I'm sure he sees a million cases a year where it is something minor like that, but I still feel he could have prepared me for the other side of this.

The GI doc said once the 8 weeks are up, if all is well we can introduce solids (rice cereal) to J since he'll be 5 months old. I didn't get into it with her that I will NOT introduce solids before 6 months. Never planned to, food allergy or no food allergy. And depending on how things are going, I may even follow the American Academy of Pediatrics 8 month old recommendation for kid’s signs of food allergies. I will however let him get used to eating from bowls and spoons at 6 months by giving him breast milk or water in bowls, regardless if he's getting solids or not to prevent him from developing a gag reflex. That's the last thing we need!

Long story short, I'm still where we were at before Friday. I did like the fact she kept driving home waiting the 8 weeks because I am way too impatient with all this shit.

So there you have it. We're still in the same shitty situation. I can't help feeling I got shafted in this breastfeeding thing. I thought getting past the first extremely painful 8 weeks would be our biggest hurdle. Amazing I've still managed to turn into a borderline breast feeding nazi. I know I should be thankful he is so healthy and if food allergies are our only problem then we are very fortunate.

A few things this diet has taught me...
1. If you are desperate enough for something sweet, 1/2 cup mashed sweet potato mixed with 1/8 cup pure cane sugar spread warm over Lundberg Brown Rice Organic Rice Cakes are quite tasty.
2. 1/4 cup olive oil, 1/2 cup pure cane sugar, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp sea salt and 1 to 1.25 cups rice flour does NOT make good sugar cookies no matter how desperate you are, although others claim to like them just fine.
3. Nobody will EVER remember you are on such a strict diet
4. People will ALWAYS try to suggest possible things for you to eat
5. You can get very grumpy and resentful of others
6. But one look at your baby's face makes it worth it
7. Most Dr's don't have a clue unless they have experienced or had more then one patient with "complicated" problems.
8. That puts a lot of pressure on you to figure all this shit out.
9. And that is a lot of pressure.
10. Again, one look at your baby makes it all worth it.

It still doesn't feel the same

Guess what I'm doing today? No, that's not it. I'm wearing PRE-PREGNANCY jeans! Tight as shit but hey they close. Bryan says I wore them this tight before anyway but I guess then I felt like I had something better to show off. Probably not. I still have the 11 pounds to lose but this is what I'm thinking...I have a weight in mind that I was pre-J but I think that weight is less than what the OB has on the books for me. BUT shortly before I got pregnant, I was packing on pounds which I couldn't explain since I was eating the same and probably working out more than ever. But recently a friend was saying how Seasonale birth control made her put on weight. And a light bulb went off in my head. That HAS to be why I was gaining weight because I started Seasonale a few months before we decided it was time to ditch the BC and get knocked up. So when tracking my weight loss, I'm using the weight I want/should be hence fitting in pre-pregnancy clothes but still having 11 pounds to lose.

Guess what J did the other day? Nope, not it either, you suck at this game. J damn near sliced off his nose all because I never cut the nails on his left hand because I was too scared after the right hand massacre. Poor guy, he made himself cry. It went up into his nostril and down under his nose, broke my heart and looked really painful. He's healing nicely though. He started this fake cough/laugh type thing that sounds totally stoner-ish. Maybe that's my fault I either talk like a valley girl or stoner. Neither of which I am. But he recently started coughing frequently but you could tell it wasn't a real cough. But it has now manifested into this really odd, unexplainable sound. And he loves it. And I can't help but love it too.

We saw the GI Friday and I'm going to post about it but I need to wrap my head around a few things first. Don't worry, didn't really learn anything new but as always I have a shitload of after thoughts.

Christmas came early!

Well for J and Bryan, not me. I'm still waiting for Santa to pay up on my list. But we ordered J's new car seat already which was going to be a Christmas gift but since he's growing like a mutha' we had to put our request in early. I'm actually glad to be done with the infant seat, that thing is a bitch to carry and because that's it's purpose I feel obligated to take it in and out instead of leaving it in the car like any other car seat. I don't even use the damn thing in a stroller anymore since he hates it so much.

Bryan finally got to order a flat panel HDTV after 4 years of begging. I gave in. He saved up his allowance and the rest is an early dating-anniversary/Christmas gift from his lovely wife. I'm excited to have a TV hanging on our wall because when your house is only 10 feet wide, every inch counts. I'm curious to see how Bryan handles all the dangly cords because he's notorious for making them into a big ol' clusterfuck. We'll have one of our PC's hooked up to it too so there will be a ton of cordage, but good news we won't have to fight over the PC anymore. This could save our marriage!

I snatched up a few of a friend's cloth diapers despite Bryan's "that's worse than buying someone's used underwear" wishes. I figured it's best to try them out, see if/what I like before investing a bunch of moulah. I have some all-in-ones, fitted and pre-folds. So far I only tried the Lukes Drawers all-in-one and at first glance that style is my favorite but it leaked pee like a mother fucker. The poop stayed in though. It doesn't seem like I could have it on wrong as there is only one way to do it, and he didn't have it on for hours and hours. I was pretty disappointed, maybe it was too big because I had it on as tight as it would go. I guess I might give it another chance, it did feel all nice and cuddly on his bummy-bum-bum while it was clean. Oh and I also got a couple of her used Robeez which are in great condition and the exact styles I wanted. Can't beat that, eh?

Remember how Bryan's gas was stolen. Well the access to the gas tank is on the inside of the car so they had to pry open the little flap thing and now it doesn't close perfectly. So everyday now I see more and more cars on the road that looked like they had theirs pried open too. Lame. Mine opens from the outside, wonder why they didn't go for something easy like that? Well gas prices are back down, shouldn't be an issue anymore. Hopefully.

J has a GI appointment Friday, curious to know how it will go. I'm not expecting anything I don't already know. But maybe it'll shut my mom up who keeps telling me "breastfeeding is obviously not good for J and you can't live like this! If you are trying to be a perfect mom it will never happen." Thanks for your support. If she's that upset about it, maybe she'll dish out the $300 week to feed him the specialized formula and she can come over and "dropper feed" it to him since he's still not taking a bottle!

Speaking of which, does anyone have advice on how to get him who used to take a bottle but no longer will, take a bottle again? I followed all the tips on the breastfeeding sites, tried before, during and after feedings, I've tried, Bryan's tried, we've tried different nipples and bottles. I'm certain we've tried everything. I'm not willing to starve him into it or force it on him. Don't want to make the kid fear eating. So if someone else has to feed him other than me, we have to use a dropper. Yeah that's efficient. I think he likes the comfort he gets from nursing too which the tiny plastic stick just ain't doin' for him. Only a boobie will do. Hopefully he'll be an early sippy-cup user. Not that I'm trying to get away from him, there just might be a time I'll want to be gone for more than 2 hours. And when I do leave him, I rush and feel stressed wondering if he's starving at home throwing a fit.

I've been putting him to bed earlier now too. It was Bryan's suggestion and we noticed he started getting fussy around 7 pm every night recently. It finally dawned on me that he's up so much more during the day now he may not feel like staying up until 10pm. So we watch for his signs. It's hard for me to time it right still because it's like as soon as we're done eating I need to get him to bed. I'm getting better at actually having him in bed before he turns into Dr. Jeckyl-sleepy-pants. It's been working great, he was asleep by 7:15 tonight, and has been asleep for the last 45 minutes. He will probably wake up in a few minutes though. He's like clockwork, wakes up about 45 minutes after he goes to sleep. I guess it's the transition from REM to deep sleep or the fact he usually fell onto his back which he hates. So we just go in, straighten him out and caress him for a minute and he's back out. I don't even need to nurse him like I was. Then he'll sleep for a couple of hours. We're still waking up about every 2 hours, sometimes 3. I am pretty sure it's his belly because I don't nurse him everytime. If it seems like it's his belly, I pull him onto mine and it seems to help or soothe him and we'll fall asleep like that sometimes for a couple hours. If he is really hungry then he let's me know that wasn't what he wanted. I can usually tell the difference in his whines and squirms.

So anyway, enough rambling? I think so.

Simple addition

A very sleepy, hungry Mama + tiny finger nail clippers =



but let's move on shall we?





OK J we get it! I hurt you, I know, I said I'm sorry!!



Can we continue?





Fine, I see you are still mad. We'll finish this up some other day.

Too good to be true

McDonald's fries...not so good. Poor J had a rough time last night and that was the only new thing in my diet.

I have since learned they are "safe" for people who know what allergies they are dealing with (i.e. they're safe for dairy allergies.) They are fried in soy oil and contain corn and beef extracts, among other things. There is much debate over what can be called "corn-free" because some people say corn starch and syrup are OK but others swear they aren't. All based on your personal reaction to determine what group you fall into. Safe to say soy, corn, and beef should remain off of my TED.

And another kick in the pants, most iodized salts are processed with dextrose (corn.) So need to rid myself of my salt usage. I have since switched to sea salt which I THINK is OK. I don't even care for salt anyway but when you are eating dry ass turkey and potatoes, anything helps! So the more I learn the more I realize why we haven't made any progress. I really believe corn is an issue for him as well as dairy/soy. The rest I'm still trying to determine. Boo hoo.

Oh well hey, it's Reel Moms Tuesday, off to the movies we go!

First time for everything

I don't have anything to say! Actually I have a shitload but it's all so jumbled in my head that I can't get one competent word out.

Same old shit around here. Still dieting, still getting nowhere. I spoke with his dr. Friday who was going to fax all his records to a GI and talk to him today, then get back to me with an appointment. I'm not looking forward to going to a GI though, I already know they will try to push formula down my throat. The pediatrician said this particular GI really wants the mom's to continue breastfeeding but if there is a chance the baby will become anemic from bloodloss it could result in poor development and overall health. So if they see any signs of that they'll probably recommend Nutramigen or Neocate formula "breaks" while I pump. Doesn't that sound fun, trying to feed a baby who won't take a bottle formula while I pump a hundred times a day to keep my supply up. I guess I shouldn't get ahead of myself I should just go in and see what they have to say before making assumptions.

I joined a "Parents of Food Allergic Kids" online community, specifically the Breastfeeding group, to get some help and support. It's helpful but almost more overwhelming. In everyone's "signature" they list their kids and their allergies and my GOD I can't believe the shit some people are allergic to. What's more incredible is that they were actually able to diagnose some of this stuff since almost everyone said that tests showed negative for allergies so it was all determined by diet elimination. The list of foods they CAN eat are way shorter than the ones they can't. Food coloring? Spices? Nightshade? What the fuck is nightshade anyway? So like I said, it's helpful but almost more discouraging because it could be so much more than I ever thought. But they all recommended to start with the Dr. Sears Total Elimination Diet or TED in POFAK lingo. I knew about the diet already but was doing a modified, more liberal version of it. But since getting no response, time to go hardcore. I guess more hardcore than the hardcore I was already doing. But since I suspect rice already, I'm not doing it. And I don't want to eat lamb (something about the cute furry faces going "baaah" turns me off) so once again it's turkey, potatoes, squash and pears. No more chicken or pork. I think pork caused some problems anyway, it was either that or the broccoli or blueberries. Hey it makes grocery shopping easy.

So I just got back from Whole Foods, my home away from home, with a trillion packs of turkey and potatoes. Breakfast will be fun, not even oatmeal anymore as if that was something to look forward to. I bought ground turkey and I'll mix that up with some hashbrowns. Another thing on the board I learned was the brands to stay away from that are notorious for cross-contamination and poor labeling. Rice Dream brand = very naughty. Who knew?

And hey, only 11 pounds to lose before I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight!! But from what I understand it's the last 10 that are the hardest to lose. But shit 49 out of 60 ain't bad. I also learned that McD fries and hashbrowns are OK! Yipee!!! You don't know what this means to me. I found this out Saturday afternoon and have had 5 large fries since then. Probably not the best but I figured I could use the fat. My milk supply seems OK but I still get paranoid that it will deminish from lack of calories. But since I've cleaned out my system, it can't handle grease that well anymore. My stomach of steal is gone! Even though McD swears it's not cross-contaminated I'm still suspect but I needed to gorge on something this weekend. BK also says their fries are safe because they aren't cooked on the same equipment as their onion rings (which contain wheat). If that is the case, how come we've gotten an onion ring bonus in our fries before, hmmm? Don't trust 'em.

It's funny when you are pregnant you worry about all kinds of birth defects but never once did food allergies cross my mind. And if this turns out to be a serious food allergy, it makes life very, very tough. And scary depending on the kind of allergic reaction they can have. Anyway, enough diet talk.

Let see, let see, anything else stressful going on? Ohhhh yeah. So my dog who is less than 4 years old has suffered from chronic allergies (sound familiar) and ear infections. His ears have gotten so bad he now needs surgery. Not just normal surgery, if there is such a thing, no this is a Total Ear Canal Ablation. You know what this mean? They have to remove his ear canals completely and sew up the opening to his ear! NO MORE EARS. He'll have the flaps but that's it. He may or may not be able to pick up any sounds afterwards. I want to cry. He's still a puppy and the more humane thing to do is to make him deaf. How sad is that?! Supposedly he will feel much better and happier after this, man I sure hope so.

Man, life if fun and never stressful. And look, guess I did have something to say afterall.

All I want for Christmas

Something about cool weather puts me in the mood for the holidays. Thought I'd share my x-mas list with ya:

Pizza
Grilled Cheese with Bacon
Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk
Hot Tamales
Pizza
Tuna on wheat from Subway
Quarter Pounder with Cheese and no-longer-available supersize fries
Whopper
Bacon Cheeseburger from Outback
Pizza
Chicken Pad Thai
Tacos with sour cream
Pizza
Tiramisu
Cannoli
Ravioli
Pizza
2 eggs over easy with hashbrowns, toast, sausage and pancakes from Double T
Gingerbread pancakes special from Cafe Hon
Pizza
Pumpkin pancakes from Helen's Garden
Pumpkin Pie
Chocolate Mousse
Pizza
Banana Bread from Morning Edition
Chai Tea latte
White chocolate mocha
Biscotti
Pizza
Resee's Cereal
Chocolate Lucky Charms
Root beer float with chocolate ice cream
Coke float with chocolate ice cream
Turkey club
Macaroni & cheese
Brownies

Guess I'll put the rest on next years list. I'm gonna go jump off a bridge now.

They grow so fast

I'm chalking J's funky behavior up to his 3 month growth spurt. He has been neeee-deee the last day or so. Oh my, especially today. And last night. Nursing...all...night...long. Normally I'd put him to bed, get at least 3 hours before his first feeding but not last night. I maybe got an hour. And he wouldn't let go! If I got to slip the nip out, before I could roll away he sucked his way back on. The very few moments I got free, I could see him reaching out for me. So I thought he just wanted to know I was near by but as soon as I was within arms reach, he was grabbing at my top trying to get access to the boobies. Funny little man.

My first instinct today was to research ways to curb all-night nursing sessions. But then I realized that there is a growth spurt about now AND he wouldn't be doing this if he didn't need some comfort. Why would I deny him the one thing that brings him comfort even if it is attached to my body and capable of becoming VERY RAW after hours of endless suckling. Hey, it's the least I can do, he's got a lot going on right now trying to grow a brain and gain complete control over his body parts.

He's even starting to go through another phase of looking more like Bryan (booooh!). I went to pick him up and his face, my goodness, looked just like Bryan, I felt like I was picking Bryan up. And he's been fussy too, jeez. It's like the 3-week mark all over again. I couldn't put him down today and he wanted to nurse almost hourly. What a Needy Nelly I tell ya. So I thought it was best to give him a break tonight and skip our "Come on, don't you want to take the bottle for Mommy" session. I hope we can make it through Yoga class tomorrow.

Here is Mr. Crankybum himself while out on today's stroll, brrrrrr. I love it. And him. I love him.

Uh, hello???

Why was this link kept from me for so long??? If only I had known about this months ago, think about the shoe wardrobe we would have!!

Thanks lurker Elb!!

I am curious about the "thin foam cushion insert" they put in these but I might order a pair and see what they are all about. Robeez are great but they just didn't have the color scheme I'm looking for right now. And I love our Star-Child skull & crossbones but I feel he needs a good alternative.

Not a loser this week

For J's 3 month birthday I took him to the movies. Alright that is a lie, I went for myself but he totally wanted to see "In Her Shoes" too. But ah-ha! I had a friend and her baby with me this week. Not the lonely loser this time. It went well, I can't say it was as carefree as our first time but it wasn't bad. He didn't cry but there was a period where he was getting a little fidgety, he needed a nap but wouldn't sleep and had no interest in nursing (gasp!) And then he pooped. This may not be a surprise since he is afterall a baby and this is what babies do but I saw the back of his white onesie slowly turning brown as yet another diaper leaked. He needed to be changed ASAP. I've been getting cocky with all this motherhood experience I have now so I thought I could easily change him right in the seat next to me. Changing tables? Puh-leeze those are for ametuers. (Before you go off on your tangent, I now realize this was the DUMBEST idea in the world). Not only is it pretty unsanitary (I did lay down his mat you know) but it's extremely difficult as well. It was a disaster but once I had started there I had to finish.

I laid him sidways so his head and feet were both by the arm rests. I reach for his wipes and suddenly he's gone! The seat closed up on him! You would think 15+ pounds would be enough to keep it open. I freaked out, pulled him out of the crack and apologized like mad. He, the content babe he is, could care less. I then turn him the other way so his feet are up on the back of the seat but he likes to test out his legs so much these days, he kept practically catapulting himself off of the chair. So with one hand on the wiggle worm at all times, I reach two seats down (why I didn't have all this shit next to me I don't know) trying to reach his new outfit and I knock my purse onto his head and chest with some contents spilling out. Again, he could care less. It was probably the most stressful diaper change ever but I had to keep a happy face on making him smile because I am in a room full of moms that are probably hawk-eyeing me checking off every little mistake I made. And during that episode there were plenty of mistakes. After the movie I changed him again, this time in their bathroom on the changing table. Surprisingly, things did not go any better. My game was off today let me tell ya. It could be because I have to be the most sleep deprived person in the world. And J is not to blame. I canNOT sleep to save my life. I am wide awake until 3 or 4 in the morning. I force myself to stay in bed after J's first night feeding but I just toss and turn waking him up I'm sure. It's awful, I don't know what my problem is.

J has been a little weird the last couple of days. Not bad, just different. Tugging on his ear again and not nursing well and such a drool factory. We started wondering if he was teething already. I thought he was a bit young but it could happen. I also read that teething can start 2 months before the tooth ever shows so that could be what we're dealing with. Bryan was so funny the other night he was feeling his gums and excitedly yelled from the other room "we got a tooth!" I run into the room as if it would suddenly disappear and feel where this new mouth feature is supposed to be. I don't feel anything AND it was on the side towards the back. I'm sure it's a possibility but I really doubt that J's first tooth will be a fang. Sorry hun but good try. Even today at the movies his shirt was soaking wet and since I haven't needed a bib before I forgot to pack one. Fortunately my friend had one to lend me

Yes that is a pink bib on my macho man. I'm not one for "color-coding" kids (as someone once said). I don't think Pink = Girl and Blue = Boy but this particular pink bib says "Daddy's little girl." Now that might be a bit too femme for me. It did, however, get the job done.

Here we are at the movies

Month 3: Adendum

How could I forget his comparison pics!



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Month 3

We're on to you kid. We've got you figured out now so don't go changing it up on us. We know that high pitched, whiney cry you do means you are tired. We know that full-blown cry means we waited a milisecond too long to tend to your needs. We know that rocking you won't get you to sleep at night but a nurse-down on our comfy bed knocks you out in 30 seconds. I can now even leave the room after your asleep for some adult time (although adult time usually = uploading your thousands of pictures!). We know you will want a morning nap about 45 minutes after you wake up. I know when you'll be tired enough to make my car trips to avoid a full-fledge scream attack and a mommy-meltdown.

This has also been a big month for your milestones. You rolled over! You have only done it twice since but damn if you didn't do it. You showed us you knew how to do it and now you are done with it. No sense in putting out all that energy to do it again (you are more and more like your father every day.) You hold your head up during Tummy Time like it ain't no thang. You lay there on your belly, head straight up for hours upon hours. Well hours might be a bit of an exaggeration but minutes upon minutes.

We're still battling your belly problems but we'll get you all fixed up. Despite that, you are one content baby now that I've eliminated some (all) foods from my diet. Man are you content, almost too much. This allows your Papa to do all kinds of things to you like stuff you into a cereal box. You could care less if your diaper is dirty but I wouldn't mind the occasional reminder. You experienced your first cold and were all too willing to share it. It was that moment when I realized the major differences between my 9-5 with pay and benefits and my new 24x7 with no pay, better benefits but not one sick day to cash in on.

You no longer drift off into a nice nap when you are tired. Nope, you are now at the stage where you fight it and it takes a circus act to get you to give in for your much needed rest. Speaking of which, gone are the days when we'd sleep in until 10 or even 11. Now the world is much more interesting to you and you need to get your day started ASAP! As in 7:30 am. I try to pull you on to my belly and pat your back, one of the former fool-proof ways to get you to sleep. But now you think it's an invitation for Tummy Time. You just lift up that big nogin, crinkle your forhead and look me right in the face with a big old grin and giggle. When I am dead tired and want nothing more than to go back to sleep, I can't help but giggle back. I'm not sure if this is fair though since we know you'll be getting a nap soon once I'm forced to be up and ready for the day.

You are still very selective with your smiles, you know their value and use them wisely. You don't go wasting them on any old thing, you keep them for the important moments so we can savor them. Your smiles are better than Prozac, there are no blues or bad day your smile can't wipe away and turn into the best day ever.

You are really reaching and grabbing on to things. Now that you can do this you want to shovel everything into your mouth. You love to nibble on Banana Man and chomp on your soft puppy dog. You even like to grab on and try to shove things in your mouth that are way too big like my head or our queen size mattress. While this is quite charming when you are still a blob of babe, I can see this quickly turning into the most hated trate once you become mobile and try to eat every choking hazard our house has to offer.

You still favor your left hand but are becoming increasingly aware there is another one just like it on the other side. It really gets you if it's creating a shadow on the wall; you struggle trying to figure out where the 3rd hand is coming from. You kick your little legs like crazy now. Specifically every 30 seconds throughout the night right into my gut. This just isn't quite the same as when you were kicking there from the inside.

You are pretty darn clever too. You figured out that there is really no need to take a bottle when you always have access to the breast. You were taking it just fine for a while and then let a few days go by without us giving it to you and man, you showed us! No more bottle for you, that's one way to keep me around. Little did you know that you didn't need a reason, if anything you'll be trying to get rid of me someday. We've masterd the laying down nursing which makes nighttime feedings a breeze. No more sitting up and turning on lights. But now that you don't have to move to eat you think a 24 hour diner just opened up right next door and you don't mind helping yourself. And sometimes it really feels like it's for 24 hours. As long as you don't wake me up, I don't mind. For now.

Your little body is growing as fast as your mind. You now wear a lot of 6 - 9 month onesies but your little legs have yet to catch up (or straighten out) as those still fit in 0-3 months. This makes buying a 2 piece outfit very difficult. Some baby clothing manufactures don't take into account the possibility of a big ol' belly like yours which is all to evident when some sleepers barely zipper but are still 10 feet too long.

You are Papa's one and only "Monster" but you are my little "Oompah" since the little Oompah song I made up always seems to put a smile on your face. I must say "Man, you are such a handsome boy" about 500 times a day. You love to tell us stories with such emotion and inflection, where you proudly use your favorite word "Ah-goo". Someday we might be able to follow along in your stories but for now we just lose ourselves in your magnetism. Your Daddy rewrote the ABC song into such a catchy rock tune, the hook stays in my head for weeks. You are mesmerized as he performs it on his guitar for you.

As the months go by I realize I have more and more to write about you and your accomplishments. Everyday we are amazed. Everyday our hearts explode with love and pride. Everyday we wonder how we ever lived without you and are thankful we don't have to anymore.


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Alright cloth users, sell me

I've really been going back and forth about cloth diapering. I have some questions I need answered first and although I can probably find the answers on the web I wanted to hear it from the people I know (sort of) and trust (you all seem trustworthy). Some of these may sound completely ignorant but hey, I won't know if I don't ask. And no reason to point out the environmental benefits of using cloth, that much I know! (I have some friends that probably cannot believe I'm even concidering this!)

1. What all do I need to use a cloth diaper. It seems like you need inserts and covers and all kinds of other stuff.
2. How do they close, do they still use pins like the Grandma days (example of said ignorance)
3. How many diapers (and all the other stuff you need) do you need approximately to make it a week without doing laundry because Lord knows I'm not about to be doing laundry every day.
4. Is there any special way to clean them
5. The ones I've seen on babies sometimes look so big and bulky I worry about clothes fitting him well (or looking silly because this is all about vainity) do they come "compact"
6. J flies through the disposable sizes, if I buy all my gear will he outgrow it in a month or do their sizes cover a bigger range
7. How do you store them when they are dirty before laundry day
8. How do you get breastfed runny poops off of them before washing, it's not like a hard turd I can roll into the toilet. Do they get all stained?
9. Are they more leakproof than disposable
10. About how much money have you spent on your supplies (question for the bread-winning Papa)
11. What are your favorite suppliers
12. Are they hard to put on correctly, is it a learned skill? Because a monkey can put on a disposable.
13. Do you need to change them more frequently? I'm assuming you do b/c that is one of the benefits that a baby isn't sitting in a dirty diaper since they make disposables so absorbent these days. I'm worried about being out for a whole day and having to bring a suitcase full of diaper supplies when disposables are so compact.
14. Have any of your husbands refused to change diapers once you started using cloth because it's "so much more work?"
15. What are some benefits to using cloth (again, not talking environmentally here!)

Hmmm, I think I forgot a few but this will get me started. Hopefully I'll get some responses but if not, the web is calling my name.

Yay or nay?

Too boring? I've been desperatly trying to find cute and fun soft-soled shoes for J that are predominately black. This is the best I've seen. I just found this site Pitter Patter and I like a lot of what they have. What really gets me though is they have so many Navy blue shoes I want that look black. It is hard for my brain to accept they are not black!! So this is my choice. Eh, can't decide.

I've not only lost my husband, but I think I'm losing the boy to it as well. Damn the Sunday Football!

Theory #...shit I don't even know what # I'm on anymore

Today's weather was rainy and dreary, very much like my mood after changing J's diaper this morning. Yup, you guessed it, more blood. And this time is was the most blood since his initial bloody stool. Here is a picture of it if you are really curiuos (and it's only visible to those marked as family/friends. If you aren't and want to be let me know). I'm not collecting pictures of his diaper contents for fun, it's part of my latest, but necessary, obsession with documenting my eating patterns along with his stool and reactions.

So my oversupply theory went out the window. I am still doing the block feeding but with no improvment and the typical self-doubt that sets in I'm on to other possibilities. This has been quite emotionally draining for many reasons. 1. Because I'm very worried about J 2. I'm giving up so many pleasures (yes eating gives me great pleasure) but it's for a good cause. 3. Not much support from the medical field or people in my life. Well they all give me their sympathy but usually followed with a "you can't live like this." There isn't anyone I can relate to, nobody who has shared this experience. Except for one lady I met on the iVillage forum. She saw one of my posts and got in touch with me because she went through the exact same thing with her son who is now 15 months old, healthy and still nursing beautifully. After many trials and support from her Pediatric GI specialist, it was determined the cause was Allergic Collitis (most often a delayed reaction - non-IgE mediated - food intolerance. Therefore it can take up to a week for symptoms to appear once a new food has been introduced. And we had J tested for these food allergies but RAST and skin testing both test for IgA allergens. There is no test for non IgE mediated allergens - only elimination and trials)

I'm following her advice right now since this is what the GI had her doing, I figured I'd try it for a few weeks before going to a GI myself. I'm keeping a food diary still, a diaper log and any notes on his behavior. And starting this past Tuesday my diet is more restricted than ever. No dairy/soy/eggs/fish/corn/wheat/peanut/tree nut/red meat/citrus/anything acidic. The logic is to let the gut heal since it's so inflamed now and get to 3 weeks of healthy breastfed stools. When my dogs had intestional problems the Vet had me feeding them boiled chicken and rice until their stool returned to normal so this seems logical to apply to J as well.

So what am I eating you ask? Not much that's for sure:

Dinner:
Free-range, hormone-free, antibiotic-free, all natural turkey, chicken or pork
Rice or potatoes (boiled or baked)
Vegetables, mainly squash and zuchinni
Only condiments are S&P and Olive Oil

Breakfast:
Hot creamy rice cereal with pure organic Cane sugar and calcium-fortified Rice Milk
1/2 of an organic fruit, mainly pears

Lunch:
Leftovers from night before dinner and the other 1/2 of my fruit.

Beverage:
Water

Yes that is IT. No variations, that is all.

The problem though is despite the evergrowing list of restrictions, he had more blood today than ever. AND he was pretty darn fussy today which he hasn't been in a long time as well as fussy/gassy througout the night. The only constant thing in my diet since this all began is rice. I think it's time for the rice to go. Usually rice is one of the safest things but the lady I've been corresponding with had to eliminate rice as well. (Although I think most doctors would deny rice could cause a problem.) And looking over my notes I had a LOT of rice yesterday plus the addition of the Rice Cereal this week instead of oatmeal. Normally I'd eat potatoes with the only rice being the milk at breakfast. But yesterday, looking for a little variety I got risky and changed it up. I had more rice than a person should eat, plus the rice cereal, plus rice milk, plus oatmeal and plus this stuff called Cafix which is fake, 100% caffeine-free coffee made with chickory, barley and beet root. (Quite tastey.) Since today was so bad for J and there has been zero improvment since the start, I figured the rice could be playing a part. But as my new friend pointed out there is gluten in oats and barley so I may need to be gluten-free as well. And after reading up on the Rice Milk, it is NOT gluten-free even though there is no indication on the ingredient label! As if this wasn't hard enough.

Now I know J is not allergic to all of this, the point is to get him back to normal before challenging in new foods. If we don't let his belly heal then it will be impossible to figure out the problem. I am hopeful (read: trying to desperately grasp on to any little glimmer of hope, any slight possibility we will get this figured out) that eliminating rice could help. I thought back to his very first bad poop and it was right when I went to my Grandmas who stocked me up with her kick-ass rice pudding that I couldn't eat fast enough, or get enough of and ate several days in a row. I thought it was all the dairy with it, which I am sure is a large part of it, but hell, maybe the rice played a roll too. I'm reaching here. I hate when I get all excited thinking "yeah, it has to be the rice b/c I was eating all that rice-pudding, etc" because I've had this excitement before. Thinking I was on to something only to get nowhere. I guess I can't say nowhere because since I initially removed dairy/soy, his fussiness decreased by 99%. That itself is worth it and tells me it helped a little with his comfort. I just need it all to go away and get him, including his poop, back to the perfect specimen he is.

I know some people out there may see this as selfish and think "give him the fucking formula already to see if it helps!" but trust me, I would not be doing this if I did not think it was in his best interest (plus he won't even take a bottle now so we wouldn't be able to FEED him the formula but that's a whole other discussion). I toss and turn daily with the thought that I could be doing him more harm than good. But every day I come to the same realization (with the support of my husband and some good friends) that despite all of these problems, breast is still best. I will live off of water and vitamins if I have to (by the way, did you know a lot of vitamins contain wheat? and dairy??) Fortunatly I don't have to be that extreme and as you can see eating poultry, vegetables and fruit is actually damn healthy! Damn boring, but damn healthy!

Even though I feel I am doing this for J's best interest and I wouldn't have it any other way, I am becoming totally depressed. The weekends are the hardest. Eating is such an intregal part of our fun. Going out for dinner with friends, going out for coffee and dessert, going out for a big, gluttoneous breakfast, eating ice cream while watching a movie, that's what we did for fun. We weren't into clubs and bars...we were into eating. And now we do not eat out. At all. Too many unknown and hidden ingredients and cross contamination. Wont even eat at someones house because chances are they aren't going to want the blandest meal in the world. Plus people don't realize how extreme it is. You say corn-free they think no corn on the cob. Nope...no corn starch, no corn syrup (good bye hot tamles and sorbet)...you get the point. And wheat, my Lord is everywhere. I thought eliminating dairy was bad! So I feel like my weekends are no longer fun, they are more a form of torture. We can't even go out for extended periods of time because we have to be home to eat. No eating on the go. When I go out during the week I bring a lunch with me incase I end up at a friends house.

Ugghh, enough being depressed. Some days I'm more optimistic about this all, today just isn't one of them. Yes this is temporary, yes it will get better, yes I will be able to eat this food again. But for now, this just plain sucks.

I rather you pluck my eyeballs out with a fork...

then hear you practice your Russian accent one more time. Why Bryan, why do you even need a Russian accent??

But I love you regardless.

The Itsy Bitsy Baby

J and I along with a friend and her baby went to our first baby yoga class today. It was so cute and we have 5 more sessions. This is different than some of the Mommy & Me yoga classes because a lot of them focus on the moms while the baby is off to the side. This was pretty much all about the baby and is called Itsy Bitsy Yoga. Looks like they have them in every state and up to 24 months old.

I love baby specific things because you don't have to worry about freaking out if your baby cries or anything. Although, J was a perfect Yogi, so mellow and goin' with the flow until the very end when it started to interfere with his nap time. Nothing a little boob can't handle as shown in the final relaxation pose:



It really just feels great to get out and "do something." I can always kill time at Target and crap like that but I get a sense of accomplishment when it is more quality bonding time. And $90 for 6 weeks is WAY cheaper than any trip to Target! Damn that place gets me every time!

Speaking of Target, last time I was there I was on the hunt for black socks for J. Why is black so hard to find for babies??? Anyway, I came across a mulitpack and what to my wondering eyes did appear? A pair of black in the mix. I snatched it up so quick it was like I found a winning lottery ticket and the jackpot was a finely coordinated outfit from head to toe. I go to pay for the things and naturally the price wouldn't come up. So the girl has to call for a price and they have to call her back and yadda yadda. I'm waiting and waiting and I'm getting irritated because J's patience is about to run out faster than mine. I said something to her about it being a tad rediculous to wait 15 minutes for a price on a pair of socks. If I was alone my ass would have run back and grabbed the damn price tag off of the shelf.

Finally they call her back and she's describing them and I forget what size she told the girl they were but I suddenly realized they were way to big for J. At that point since I already waited and had an attitude with the girl I felt too stupid to admit I made a mistake. I must have been blinded by blackness. I thought about buying them and returning them but thought about what a hassle that would be. So what would any street wise girl do? I turned into a bitch. I said "You know what? I have waited entirely too long, this is absurd you can forget the stupid socks. " And she said "But ma'am they have the price now" And I said "Well that's too bad, because I've had enough of this poor customer service."

So I left with the rest of my purchases, walked out with my head in the air, nostrils flared and dripping with attitude...that is until I got around the corner and then hung my head in complete humiliation.

And for once a story with a happy ending, I found black socks at Old Navy. Our lives are complete.

Time to come squeaky clean

I have a confession. I've deliberately neglected to tell you all something. As I soaked in my hot bubble bath (a guilty pleasure since pregnancy) just now, I couldn't ignore it any longer.

I have stretch marks.

I know, I've bragged and bragged all the way up to my delivery about how I was stretch mark free. And I was, that was the truth. But since I've delivered and been losing weight, they are rearing their ugly little heads. I noticed one on my thigh while bathing a while back and couldn't believe it. What's really bad is they are not on my stomach where I'd wear them as a badge of honor for creating a life. Instead they are on my lower half as a result of my excessive 60lb (59!) weight gain which had nothing to do with carrying a child. I told Bryan I thought I had a stretch mark and as I'm showing him the front of my thigh he says "Oh yea I know. They are on your ass too."

Damn that otherside of me I forgot to look at!

You suck

What is this world coming to? Is an extra 20cents a gallon really worth this life of crime? I can't believe it has gotten to this point.

Bryan's gas was stolen from his car. Directly out of his gas tank. Is that pathetic or what?! And Bryan, who lives on E actually had his tank on F for once and this happens and now he's out about $50 of gas. Just like when our bikes were stolen before Xmas, I took comfort in thinking it was some poor, hard working father who didn't have money to buy his kids anything and had to resort to stealing in order to give them a decent Christmas. So now I'm going to take comfort and assume it was yet another hard working person who didn't have enough money to buy gas to make it to work, and if they didn't go to work they would get fired and not be able to feed his/her kids. When in reality it was probably just some ghetto mother-fucker stealing OUR gas that we paid with OUR hard earned money.

I know gas is expensive these days, but really...

Anyway, I just noticed that this little ol' blog has received over 20k hits since it's birth in March 2005. I can't believe that many people are interested in our lives. I'm such a nobody. I started this blog to document my thoughts on my pregnancy and I never thought I'd meet so many great people because of it. I didn't know who would actually read it other than my husband and a handful of friends (and actually they are the ones who read it the least). I'm amazed, and flattered, that people actually wonder what is going on in our world and tune in to find out. Amazing. Thanks peeps, I feel honored.

NYC comes to B'more

What a great weekend, especially the surprise visits from some very good friends. I got a call Thursday night from Molli in NYC to tell me she may be swinging by our hood on her way to visit her parents. This would be the first time she saw J and even our house so we were very excited plus we got to meet her main squeeze. She warned us it would just be about a 5 minute visit and she wasn't kidding. But we're very thankful for that, we never get to see her anymore! She looked great and amazingly skinny.



She had said she would probably only have time to stop and throw jeans at me and that's exactly what happened



She manages the Mavi Jeans flagship store in NYC. I never thought I'd own a pair of "cool" jeans and now I own tons. She f'in rocks.

We then headed over to the Fell's Point Festival with our friends Rita and Michael and had a great time, especially since we haven't seen them in a while either.



And then a huge surprise, running into another NYC friend, Pepper, who was going to make a surprise visit after weeks of playing phone tag with each other.



For those who don't know she is a great friend as well as my hairstylist. But since she moved on to an exciting life in NYC me and my hair have been quite sad. If only I knew she was coming and had more time, I've been craving an updated do. Possibly even a SHORT do if I knew my husband wouldn't kick me out. If J doesn't stop ripping my hair out, I may not have a choice!

Needless to say a great weekend full of surprises, fun and great friends. And oh yeah, how can I forget...even a new item to add to J's fall fashion line from Raw Sugar. I think it might be one of my favs!

I think it's a safe to say when he starts flicking us off, he's sick of getting his picture taken.