Monday, June 06, 2005

Date Night good, Perineum bad!

Our date was lovely Saturday. Kevin James was hilarious, I just love him. I wish we could take him home and keep him around for personal entertainment. The show was about 90 minutes with no intermission. Which translates to "how many times can you make strangers stand up during the show while you squeeze your fat body by them to go to the bathroom for the hundreth time." But it didn't turn out to be that bad.

Dinner was excellent, I forgot how much I like Helmand. And we went to City Cafe for dessert. Yum. I realized that both of these places we used to frequent a lot and I've never seen their bathrooms before Saturday. I would never use public bathrooms and before I was pregnant and was constantly in a dehydrated state, I never really needed to. My how that's changed.

It was wierd because at Helmand there was a men's room and a women's. (That's not the wierd part.) But the doors didn't say which was which they just had pictures of peacocks. The one on the left had a peacock with his feathers open and was very colorful while the other had it's feathers closed. Now I KNEW that male peacocks are the prettier of the 2 but that didn't stop me from panicking for a second and over analyzing it. The one on the right had it's feathers closed so how do I know if they are colorful or not? Or do the female peacocks not even open their feathers?? That I didn't know. So after about 5 minutes I cautiosly open the door to the pretty peacock and just as I suspected, I saw a urinal. Now you are probably wondering if I knew that was a male peacock, why did I open that door? I don't know the answer to that one other than maybe I'm just not good under pressure. I think I did that because you can't mistake a men's room with a urinal. I would KNOW I had the wrong one. It didn't stop me from feeling like an idtiot even though nobody saw. Just after I got back to the table I warned Bryan and soon after I told him, I heard the lady next to us telling her dining companion the same thing. She had the same logic I did and she STILL opened the men's room too! Very weird I tell you but I didn't feel quite as stupid anymore.

(Oh I forgot to mention from last weekend we went and saw the movie Crash. I thought it was excellent, Bryan thought it was "good" but I recommend it. I cried a lot during it but wasn't sure if that is just me being pregnant or it was that upsetting.)

So yesterday we did our first round of perenium stretches. OK so it was a little wierd. I didn't think it would be that weird since it is my husband and that position is nothing new. But it was such a clinical and serious event I think that's why it was kind of silly. And um...HOLY SHIT THAT HURTS! I wanted to cry it was stinging and burning so badly and that was with very minimal effort on Bryan's part. This is gonna take a while, I should have started weeks ago! I could feel myself really, really tense up which only made it worse. So it helped me practice my focus and breathing (which I may add was harder than I thought and it didn't help a whole lot!). So we'll see how round 2 goes and I'll keep you updated on my vagina's stretching ability and increase in diameter. Just kidding. But if anyone else has done this, can you please tell me how long I'm supposed to do it?!? Everything I read just says to do it daily but is that for 5 minute? 30 minutes? 2 hours??? I did it until I couldn't take anymore which was I think 30 seconds.


Blogger KELLI BELLY said...

Did you guys laugh when you were doing them?

9:34 AM  
Blogger Mama C-ta said...

Oh Kelli I wish we could. Instead it was:

me: What the fuck Bryan are you in there up to your elbows?

B: no I'm hardly even in there are all, just the tips of my thumbs

10 seconds go by...

me: Bryan are you fucking trying to stretch me to the other side of the room?

B: no I'm not really even stretching

me: well relax it a little


me: You didn't relax it!

B: Yes I did, there I did some more

me: You are lying! I want to stop!

This my friend, was no laughing matter!

9:40 AM  
Blogger Becki said...

Did you see Kevin James live in person? I did when I was like 36 weeks pregnant and I laughed so hard, I started having braxton hicks!

Um, we never did those exercises.

3:46 PM  
Blogger ChickenFlicken said...

What the fuck is a perineum stretch? I have three kids and I don't know what torture this is that you speak of!

6:57 AM  
Blogger Mama C-ta said...

HAHAHA, it's a desperate attempt to avoid an episiotomy and/or tearing during childbirth. Here's the instructions incase you ever feel like doing it...just for fun :)

8:40 AM  
Blogger Rachael said...

I have never heard of stretching the Perineum. Makes sense though. I can't imagine me and John in that situation. I would be laughing my ass off.
Glad your date went so well too!

11:09 PM  

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