Suddenly I grew balls

Out of nowhere I suddenly got the desire to actually talk to my employer about my post-maternity leave plans. This has been something I’ve been stressing over for about 6 months now. The deal is, I’m not going to work FT after the baby is born, that is a final decision with Bryan and I. But the problem is that my employer is expecting me back FT and I’m going to propose to them the idea of me working PT. I’m extremely nervous about having this discussion with them; I just hate situations like this. I’ve been told by everyone I’ve asked not to mention this until I’m actually ON maternity leave and about to come back. Herein lays the problem. My absolutely wonderful mother-in-law, who currently works FT herself and is not near retirement age agreed to watch our son the 2 (or 3) days a week that I am working. She will either try to work out a PT deal with HER employer or find a new PT job. The problem is that she needs advanced notice but I can’t really give her advanced notice if I won’t even be talking to my employer until close to my leave is over. And I won’t even know what I’m going to end up doing until almost the last minute. If my employer doesn’t go for the PT plan then I’m going to resign (after I come back for a day so I am guaranteed my paid maternity leave benefits) and find PT work elsewhere. It’s not that easy to find PT work doing what I do and/or anything else in my salary range. So now I’m not only stressed about what I’ll be doing but because she needs to know what she has to do as far as what days to be available. I’m now worried about my mother in law getting all her shit worked out too.

I can’t take this limbo shit, I need things taken care of but if I discuss this with my employer I run the risk of them ‘weeding’ me out before I go on leave. Even though we are grossly understaffed, I’m too easily replaced. My goal is to get my 9 weeks paid maternity leave damn it, not to mention keep the same medical benefits I have until after the baby is born. It’s too risky here for me to let them know now I don’t plan on coming back FT.

But today I have the sudden urge to have this talk. I am soooo bad at negotiations but right now I want to walk in with my proposal and shoot for the stars. I want to do all of my PT work FROM HOME and demand to keep certain benefits. And if they won’t go for that I have a backup proposal, and then if they don’t go for that I’ll start dwindling down all my demands until I’m talked in working in the office 5 days a week because I’m so spineless.

But I can’t do it yet!!! See this is so stressful. Can someone please hire me for 20 hours a week testing software remotely out of the comfort of my own home starting in October??? I’m really good….please?