I could really go for some more stress please

Well I called my doctor today because my vision seemed a little fuzzy (aside from my normal effects of stigmatisms and need of glasses) and I just feel a little off. Over the last couple weeks I’ve also had the little vision spots and it wasn’t just if I stood up too quickly or the usual culprits. I thought I should just run it by her. Her response was “if your vision is blurry, maybe you do have Gestational Diabetes.” And I mentioned that I was looking at the Preeclampsia symptoms and then she said “That was the other thing I was going to mention. Your blood pressure was kind of high for you last time.” So she ordered pre-eclampsia blood work which I immediately ran out and got. I should have the results back tomorrow. So at first I was worried about the possibility of having Gestational Diabetes. Now I’m 10 times more worried about having Pre-E. Of the symptoms listed on the website, I do have some but then there are other major symptoms that I’m lacking so I’m hoping for the best. I’ve concluded that most of the symptoms are just typical symptoms of being pregnant, so it’s tough to know. I am hoping that I just wasn’t drinking enough water or something simple like that. I could do without this possibility though and hopefully it’s eliminated tomorrow. Minor symptoms I have:

Hypertension – My blood pressure is still in the ‘normal’ range but it was elevated for me

Headache – Considering I get these almost every day of my life, including migraines, pregnant or not it’s hard to say what the cause is.

Nausea or Vomiting – I’ve had nausea lately that comes and goes and I chalked it up to just needing to eat something despite me eating every second.

Changes in Vision – already mentioned

Racing pulse, mental confusion, heightened anxiety, trouble catching your breath – Not sure about the pulse but definitely the others. Could be work induced stress though.

Stomach or Right Shoulder Pain – I’ve had that weird stomach pain that I had the ultrasound for before (when nothing was found) and it has come and gone randomly. I still really believe it is NOT constipation like some have suggested. My right shoulder hurts but that is also a similar location to the pain I get from navigating a PC mouse 40 hours a week.

Lower back pain – This comes and goes (and something my Dr. said could be Braxton Hicks, I may just get them in my back). I also get way more intense back pain right under my rib cage that comes and goes.

So as you can see these can be symptoms of Pre-E or just symptoms of life in general. Who knows!!

This leads me to my next thought about how people, including myself, always say “I just want a happy and healthy baby.” I’m changing my thinking now to “I just want a happy and LIVING baby.” I don't know, maybe I shouldn't even say that. As far as healthy goes, we can and will deal with whatever is given to us. And what is healthy? If he’s born with only 9 fingers is that unhealthy? If he’s born hearing impaired, is that unhealthy? If he’s born prematurely and needs to be in the NICU for months or repeated surgeries, is that unhealthy? He can be any or all of those things and still be happy so what more could I ask for? For me to say “I want a happy and healthy baby” and any of those things are considered unhealthy and he happens to be born with it, is that like me saying “I don’t want this?” Because he’s my son and I want him just as he is going to be.

Sorry for the downer. And any positive thoughts and prayers to your God of choice are always welcome and needed!