Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Getting weak

You know it really starts to wear you down emotionally when you are nursing your son in tears because all you can think about is "what did I eat that will hurt him today?" when you are now only eating 3 things. Suddenly over the last 24 hours his pain is back like it was in the very beginning. It's great to feel like you are poisoning your child. I'm ready for a highly-specialized formula trial and it takes a LOT for me, self-acclaimed BF nazi, to even say this. But not sure how to overcome the n0-bottle issue. Pumping with a manual and dropper feeding is too much for me to handle (I would however rent a hospital pump) plus the emotional strain of denying him the comfort of nursing. I'm giving it 2 more weeks...


Blogger fuzzypeach said...

Oh mama I am so sorry:( I was so happy to read earlier that things were looking better in that department. I don't have any advice, just want to send you some hugs and say again that I admire the effort you've put forth so much! I hope you find a solution that works out for you and J.

9:31 PM  
Blogger Mama C-ta said...

Thanks for the support, it means a lot. This is so hard! I really thought things were looking up too but now I just don't know. And when my diet hasn't changed I have no idea what to do next. Only thing I can think is the new olive oil I bought is cross-contaminated w/other oils. You start to question everything. I only eat turkey, rice and potatoes now but then you wonder, is it turkey? Or rice? And in other but similar diagnosis' like Eosinophilic disorders you can "lose safe foods" so maybe he was OK w/potatoes but not anymore??? Ugh. I just want to do the trial until his gut heals, get whatever proteins are causing the problems out of his system and then start again w/the BM and my current diet. It'll be easier to see if it is turkey/potatoes/rice then! Sorry for the long comment on my own post!

10:07 PM  
Anonymous Sandra Mort said...

WOW, I didn't realize you live near me!!! Do you have AIM or maybe you can call my cell to shmooze about this allergy stuff? I'm 570 4799 on the cell phone area code.

-Sandra from

10:13 PM  
Anonymous Nicole said...

Hang in there sweetcakes! It seems like things are getting better, though I can understand how a step back into belly pain would be so discouraging. You are doing a great thing.

10:35 PM  
Blogger The Mom said...

Wow, I thought you were kidding a few posts ago about feeding with a dropper. Are you not having better luck with the bottle? Don't feel bad at all about going to formula. Plenty of children are raised on it, never having had a drop of breastmilk, and they turn out just as great as breastfed babies. I know how hard it is though, imagining giving up breastfeeding. I definitely recommend renting an electric pump. I always felt I got more milk out when I used the manual, but that is so time-consuming and it gets really old really fast. I agree with you, this way you can see whether your diet is having an effect on him. I know with motherhood comes suffering for the sake of our children, but come on. I'm sure if J had his choice between breastmilk and a happy mama who's secure that her child is healthy and happy, he'd take the latter (he would, he told me). I know you're torn because of the close bond you have due to breastfeeding, but I promise you that won't change if you go to formula temporarily or permanently.

11:11 PM  
Blogger Zenchick said...

you know, I have never had a baby, and I'm wary of trying to offer support in such an intense situation with which I am unfamiliar, so I didn't want to post this before.
But I have two nieces, one 6, one 3. The first one breastfed fine. The second could not be laid on her back for ONE SECOND, spit up most of what she ate, and screamed and cried for hours. Finally they had an upper GI which showed stage 4 reflux, but meds didn't help.
Finally the pediatrician said: "try formula" (I can't remember which one, but that really expensive one?).
After 6 oz. of formula, the baby slept for EIGHT hours. She did fine after that on the formula.
I know it was very emotionally difficult for my sis-in-law to stop nursing (esp. so abruptly), especially when she had nursed the first one fine.
But man, that baby couldn't take her own mother's breast milk, and after a short period of adjustment, all were MUCH happier.
Take this as you will...not advice, no judgement, just, hopefully, more space.
Good luck!

11:31 PM  
Blogger Zenchick said...

p.s. my s-i-l was actually BETTER able to comfort the baby when she stopped nursing, because the baby felt sooooo much better. I've also had friends that, for various reasons, didn't breastfeed, and they had healthy babies whom they could comfort. advice, just to let you know there are other possibilities.

11:33 PM  
Blogger ^starshine said...

That just sucks. There is no way around it but to say that just sucks.

Hugs to both of you and I hope the solution will be found soon.

11:36 PM  
Blogger Daph said...

I'm so sorry that you're both going through all this. It must be so hard on you. Hugs to you, you're a great mama and obviously doing everything in your power to help little J.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. And hugs again.


12:37 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Flinger said...

OMG.. HON.. I'm thinking of y'all. Hang in there (not that I have a leg to stand on to say this..) What ever decision you make, you make it with your whole heart and best enterest in J. Don't forget that.

Just know I'm here if you want to yell at something/someone.

1:10 AM  
Blogger Rachael said...

Oh no! You are always in my thoughts Cara. I really hope something gets worked out here. Whatever choice you make I know you'll do what is best for you and J! Hang in there sweetie, there has to be a light at the end of this tunnel!

2:09 AM  
Blogger dakotablueeyes said...

Aw Hugs Sweetie!!

6:50 AM  
Blogger Kiki said...

Hang in there! I don't know what else to say but hang in there. You are the best mama for J and you are being so great with changing your life for him.

My mom would say, he will take a bottle if he is hungry enough, but I know how tough that is to watch sweet babies go through.

10:11 AM  
Blogger mamaloo said...

Much love to you.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Veronica said...

I'm So sorry Cara! I really dont have much comfort words for you since I was not able to breastfeed my little boy. But I truly feel that J might be a little more happy if his tummy didnt hurt him. Poor little guy, I hope you could find the solution soon.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Kira said...

cara i'll be emailing you my comments.

11:34 AM  
Blogger Melinda said...

Aw man!! I was so excited for you when things were looking better! Poor lil J and his sensitive belly!! Turkey and rice, dear lord i couldnt do it! So huge KUDOS to you for doing it!! Well i hope something is dicovered soon. When his bely hurts do his legs go straight out and is his belly hard? Poor guy, o i feel so bad for both of you! HUgs and prayers and just good thoughts sent your way!

11:52 AM  
Blogger Melinda said...

You have already been here, but just in case.

12:01 PM  
Blogger michaela said...

nothing i can say to help but i wanted to chime in and say i'm thinking about you and julian.

12:08 PM  
Blogger R said...

my sis in law had that with her first...she doesn't even know if her second is allergic to dairy or not, but she says NO dairy just in case he is!


12:13 PM  
Anonymous Carol said...

I'm sorry, Cara. I wish things were different for you and Julian. I wish you peace while you struggle with this decision.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I can't imagine having to make a tough decision like this, Cara.
Ryan was exclusively formula fed and I don't feel it effected our bond at all. IF anything it strengthened the bond he has with Daddy!
I know you will make the decision that is right for you and your family....

2:28 PM  
Blogger Carley said...

I just wanted to lend some support and send some good thoughts your way, too. I can only imagine the emotional rollercoaster that you are on with all of this, but eventually it will end and you'll get this whole thing figured out.

2:36 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home