Thursday, September 01, 2005

An emotional roller coaster I don't want to be riding

I'm feeling very overwhelmed to say the least. Yesterday I had a mini-breakdown when I realized that J's colic has been extending into the day. So not only is it our regular 6-10pm then occasional episodes during the night but it's also during the day when he'd typically be easy to please. Even the magic sling is losing it's effectiveness. So I felt very depressed and helpless yesterday and TIRED. Tired from a lack of sleep but also from not having any idea on how to help him. Plus I'm consumed with worrying about what's going in my body and fearful to see more bloody stool.

But then last night I continued reading the Happiest Baby on the Block and decided to really work on some of the tips. Sometimes when you are in the midst of a baby meltdown you kind of forget all this helpful advice and just end up feeling frustrated. I swaddled him tightly before bed and shook him till he fell asleep. Not "shook" as in Shaken Baby but shook as in jiggle to trigger some calming-reflex. And it worked, he fell asleep in his co-sleeper instantly, I didn't even need to put him in bed with me. I was feeling pretty proud and optimistic. It didn't help me because I slept worse. I was so paranoid his swaddle would come undone and then he'd be laying there with a loose blanket around his head. So I barely slept listening to see if he got too quiet, if he did, I checked his breathing. If he started to rustle I would jiggle him and he'd fall back asleep. He woke up way more than he would have if he was in bed with me but I didn't feed him each time. He didn't seem hungry but I'd have to fix his swaddle or change him. The best part was that we didn't have any of our late night episodes of him crying in pain and pushing. I heard him pushing at one point and thought a scream would come but I jiggled him and I could hear him pooping and farting but then he dozed back off without a peep. Maybe there is something to these 5 S's and the calming reflex! I was feeling very good about what it did for him although I'm way more tired. I jiggled him so much that when I stopped I felt like I had Parkinson's disease. Bryan would stir and I'd go to jiggle him and have to stop myself. So he woke up more but didn't seem uncomfortable. I'm assuming that is better.

But now I'm back down in the dumps. He had more blood in his stool and I'm really freaking out now. Yes it could be the whole dairy thing but I haven't had dairy in a few days so I would THINK that the blood would not come back. Or would it? I have no idea but I'm pretty scared and worried about him. The amount of blood now (3 diapers to be exact) is so miniscual that most people probably wouldn't have noticed it. But the fact is I noticed it at 5:30 am in a complete zombie-like state so that's enough to alarm me. And now I'm practically taking a magnifying glass to each diaper and I keep seeing little specks. And I swear the 5:30 diaper looked mucousy too and I think that's a bad sign when it's mucousy with streaks of blood. I'm so freaked out.

I can't take these ups and downs and I can't stand worrying about this. I'm so afraid for him, what if it isn't a dairy thing? I keep reading more that if there is persistant blood to call your doctor immediately so I'm extremely paranoid. And now I'm waiting for the dumb nurse to call me back. I don't even want to talk to her, I'm going to request another pediatrician since his isn't there. But I'm not quite sure how this office handles these things if I'm "allowed" to talk to a pediatrician that isn't his or if I have to come in. This just sucks. I'm back to my depressed, helpless state.


Blogger Anne said...

get a new doctor. we switched pedias twice. you pay too much money to get the run-around OR to be worried about talking to the damned nurse. Go to a new office.

8:51 AM  
Blogger fuzzypeach said...

*hug* I hope this doctor or some other doctor is some help. I know how you're feeling; it is just awful to have your baby in pain and not know how to fix it.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Amy & Dan said...

Glad to hear the 5 S's work on calming the baby, now if they can only work on calming the frantic mother! You poor thing - at this point I would tell the nurse that you need to see the doctor on call TODAY in person so you can show them the stools and get some real advice. - Amy

9:12 AM  
Blogger holli said...


Faith has had lots of bloody stools - but it was just lots of constipation I guess. They just dismissed me.

I'm sorry you're tired - tired doesn't help worry.. it just amplifies it by 1000.

2:09 PM  
Blogger Brandi said...

I am sure he is fine! I can understand the constant worry though. They had better let you speak to a doctor!

J had mucus and bloody stools when she was young. I put her on soy formula and it cleared up quickly.

3:17 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Get a new doctor. You shouldn't be waiting around to hear from the nurse when you're as concerned as you are.

I hope things settle down for you guys. The first few months can be so hard. :S

3:30 PM  
Blogger R said...

Just wanted to say that had I not taken matters into my own hands and gotten medieval on my perinatologist's dirty hiney before L was born, she would have died in utero (so says her surgeon). F*** that crap. Seriously. Find a new doctor.

When L was in the hospital there was a couple that came in with their 1 month old baby who had blood in his stool. It turned out it was a blockage in his stomach that needed immediate attention.

Not to be alarmist (oops, too late), but he is YOUR kid and YOU know what's normal and what's not. Don't wait for the nurse to call back. Do what YOU need to do.

You need attention NOW.


5:33 PM  
Blogger R said...

And there were many who told me I wanted her out at 37 weeks just because I was sick of being pregnant. No, I could FEEL that something was wrong. And it was.

Hey, it is probably nothing with his stool, but you will feel so much better knowing what it is!

5:35 PM  
Blogger Becki said...

I'm glad you went to the docs and that this should be just a dairy allergy. Mommy's intuition is always best; always follow it and you won't regret it.

7:50 AM  

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