Sunday, July 31, 2005

Ask and ye shall receive

Wow, I must say ask for a little advice and you guys sure do deliver. It was all great and extremely appreciated. The problem is, it ALL sounded good so now I'm more confused than ever. I'd read one comment and think "yeah that sounds good" and then go to the next comment which is completely opposite of the other one and think "well this one sounds good too." So I'm just gonna go down the list and stop at the one that works. Plus it sounds like I have some books to be buying!

Actually the last 2 nights we've slept pretty well. I swaddled him up in a thin, soft cotton swaddle blanket thing but he seems to get a little sweaty so not sure about this but he does seem to like it. I keep his arms out half of the time if he seems too hot. And he slept in the bed with us next to me. I really like sleeping with him and will like it even better once the paranoia goes away. I know I kept feeling around all night making sure he wasn't face planted into a pillow or anything. I remove all the "fluff" around him though but now I'm afraid he'll suffocate in my cleavage when we're snuggled up. I'm trying to nurse when lying down, it doesn't seem to work very well for us, the angle is off or something. I just can't seem to get him on right laying like that in our bed but I can do it on our couch which is angled differently. I'm not sure how to remedy this and I've been reading up on it.

I've never felt so conflicted about things before this motherhood. I just don't know what is best for him, what does HE want?? Does he want to sleep in our bed or should I get him to sleep next to us in his co-sleeper? Is that really safer? Do I even want him somewhere other than right next to me? If not, am I only satisfying my happiness or his too?? I want to set him down during the day but can't stand to hear a peep from him and I miss him terribly if he's in another room. I want him with me 27/7 but then I want a break...can't have it all woman! Such conflictions. I just want him to tell me what he wants, as I'm sure all moms do when their child is unable to effectively communicate.

I hope I didn't make it sound like he's a terror when we try to sleep. He rarely actually cries, if anything it's more of an uncomfortable whine/moan type thing that just lets me know he isn't that pleased with the current situation. If he cries then I just stick a boob in his face or hold him upright and he's happy. I'm sure if I were to let him go much longer he'd eventually get to the crying. But lately he WAKES up crying, before he'd wake up and root around and I'd feed him before he got to the crying. Now he wakes up crying but we can calm him very quickly. He really seems uncomfortable with the gas and pooping. I feel really bad, I wish I could scrunch him up and push it all out for him. He'll act like he wants to eat but won't latch on because he's still trying to get all the poop out and it seems like when I hold him in the nursing position that helps him get it out. I guess this is normal for it to go on almost all day??

I do plan on pumping someday to allow Bryan to participate in the feedings but I'm going to wait a little before I start that. My plan was to wait until at least 6 weeks since I was going to have to go back to work a couple of days. But since I'm not going back and don't HAVE to pump, I haven't quite decided when to start it. I do love nursing him but also feel Bryan should get to experience the pleasure of feeding him as well. And he'll still be getting the benefits of breast milk anyway.

It's just heart breaking to hear them cry, it really is. Yesterday his Grandfather was holding him and he started to really cry suddenly. When that happens I want him back, I want to know if I can feed him or change him or do anything that will calm him. But the Grandfather said "he's OK." Umm, no, he's not OK. Do you cry when you are OK? Sure he's not in danger but I'm sure there is something he doesn't like even if it's something simple like he's bored. Point is, don't tell me my child is OK when he's crying, he's not even 3 weeks old yet, I'LL DECIDE IF HE'S OK. I'm not into the whole "you'll spoil him if you affectionately respond to him when he's upset." At 3 weeks old, I have a funny feeling he isn't capable of that kind of manipulation to just cry for the sake of crying. As a parent, it's my job to determine what is upsetting him until he can tell me himself. /End rant.

I did get a really good nap in yesterday and today so I feel much more refreshed. We met a friend at a Baby Wearing play group yesterday so I got hooked up with more baby carrying apparatuses. There are endless kinds out there, who woulda thought. And then we had a friend and her step-daughter stop by which the daughter kept Bryan entertained for a couple hours making him do a puppet show and other things I didn't know Bryan would be so willing to do. And then a visit with the Grandparents who came bearing dinner, my favorite.

Well I have more to say but before this gets too long (guess it's too late for that) and random, I shall retreat. Thanks again for the tips guys, all will be taken into consideration.


Anonymous Carol said...

Listen to your instincts Cara - you can't go wrong. It's a wonderful feeling to be so in-tune with your child. If it hasn't happened already, it certainly won't be very long before you'll know exactly what Julian needs just by the tone of his cry or grunt or whimper.

As for the gas/poop issues -- Most babies grunt and push a whole lot when they're pooping & they appear to be really uncomfortable. And most breastfed babies poop several times a day (my oldest pooped every single time I nursed him). So maybe that's what's going on? Also, have you tried using Mylicon drops? That might help him if he's having gas pains.

6:22 PM  
Blogger KELLI BELLY said...

Like Carol said, soon it will all be second nature. When you go to feed him you won't worry about if he's latching on ok, he'll just start eating. Bryan's really good at entertaining kids, I must say:0)Hope we can get together this week if it suits.

7:16 PM  
Anonymous MB said...

Full confidence in you, lady.

So how'd you find this [presumably] Baltimore babywearing group? I love the idea.

7:27 PM  
Blogger Stefania Pomponi Butler aka CityMama said...

Laying down nursing takes pracitce. For me, with both girls, it didn't kick in until around 2-3mo when I didn't have to constantly fiddle and adjust my boob to keep the nipple in their mouths. When you find you can nurse hands-free, then that's the time to try laying down nursing--and my fave--nursing while typing (as I am now). Good luck. Trust your insticts.

10:18 PM  
Blogger WebmasterMama said...

Really - it is ok when they cry. And babies make all sorts of noise when they sleep. And often, when they are fussing or whatever at night and we try to help, that wakes them up more and then they expect it and start waking up more and more each time. Some say never to let them cry, but, I don't agree. I can't sleep with my baby in the room with me - as - I want to sleep so I can be a better parent. So he cried for a bit in his crib, but, after a week, he's sleeping 8 hrs and barely cries when he wakes up now to eat. They have to learn how to sleep and sometimes, it takes a little work, but pays off in the end. I was once a chest-only mother 2 but in a week he went from there to his crib - no problems.

11:43 AM  
Blogger Kara said...

I had problems with my son having terrible gas when he was a newborn. He would wake up screaming sometimes! I figured out that it was from him eating at night laying flat. He would swallow so much air when he'd nurse that way in bed with me. What I did was to get a wedge pillow to prop him up on while he slept so that when we ate, he was at an angle.

When he would sleep with me, I'd lay on my side with my arm outstreched and him laying on my arm. That way I was able to feel more comfortable with him in our bed. If my husband moved closer to us, I would know about it. And yes, my arm did fall asleep sometimes.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

nursing whuile laying down is tricky. it takes practice and will get easier as he gets older and can "help"

7:55 AM  

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