Friday, September 23, 2005

Ho hum

I'm bored man, bored!

But I have plenty to do, the problem is I'm waiting for a call back from the doctor. I want to take a poop for cryin' out loud but I know the second I go to do it, the phone will ring and I'll have to try to pinch it off mid-turd (so ladylike I know, but whatever). I want to call my friend and her new baby in the hospital and check in but the minute she answers I'll get the call back. I want to run to the store to pick up some food for dinner tonight but once I'm there the doctor will call and well I just don't want to have that conversation in the middle of the grocery store. Or worse it'd probably happen as I'm walking home with both hands full of groceries and J in the sling wrapped around me and I'll STILL attempt to answer it and not get hit by a car and drop everything and my baby at the same time only for me to finally get to my phone as the call goes to voice mail. I can't even have my daily nap because once I get into the deep sleep the phone will ring and I'll have to act coherent and have an adult conversation while I'm trying to figure out where the hell I am and how long I've been out of it. So you see, I'm bored!

And I'm impatient which I already knew. I've been doing the block feeding for J's poop for almost a week now and nothing. No signs of improvement even though I've been repeatedly told it could take a couple weeks to improve. But I'm sick of waiting! I'm sick of trying something and waiting a few weeks only to see no improvement and then trying something else then waiting another few weeks to see if this happens to help. I just want a sign, a glimmer of hope, anything, to show me I'm in the right direction. I started giving him a probiotic yesterday , acidophilus, to help heal his innerds. I hope it helps. I hope SOMETHING helps. I even pledged to only eat steak or chicken that we cook with nothing on it and potatoes for a few days to clear all this shit out. You know how fond of chicken I am and man not being a big meat-eater to begin with, I'm frigin' sick of steak. But you do what you gotta do and I am doing it.

I'm just tired, tired of seeing the blood. Tired of his watery, leaky poop. I can't even put him in clothes I like because of the diaper escaping poop. He has some pretty fucking cool clothes that I don't want him to wear because they just aren't as cool anymore with a big old pooh stain.

But I'm glad fall is here. We recently bought him a ton of fall wardrobe items which I'm so excited for him to wear. Hopefully his little legs will grow so he can wear the pants. I think his torso is the only thing that's growing now which makes wearing onsies and pants very difficult. My old employer sent me a Target gift card as a baby-shower gift that they weren't ever able to give to me since I went out on leave before he was born. Then quit. I thought that was very nice of them since for all they know they may never see me again yet everyone still pitched in and did that for us. And we bought a lovely new vacuum cleaner with the money. Yeah it was supposed to go to baby stuff but if it weren't for the baby we wouldn't be vacuuming, right? We'd probably still have our cleaners. But I'd take my baby over the cleaners any day.


Anonymous Carol said...

Try to keep those spirits up, Cara! I'm sure you'll see a glimmer of hope that you're headed in the right direction soon!

And as for the watery poops -- normal! I think that you probably have a diaper issue on your hands there, lol. Yet another reason I use cloth ;)

12:15 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

You poor thing, I can only imagine how tired you must be of the bad pooh. I'm a fan of acidophilus and hope it works for ya'll! This is just a tiny pixel in the big picture, hon. It'll get better.

1:50 PM  
Blogger mamaloo said...

Find a lactation consultant and get thee to her quick! Don't bother with the doctor until the LC tells you to. Your doc may be the exception to the rule, but they are notoriously neandrathal when it comes to bf babies.

Good luck. I'm thinking of you.

8:45 AM  

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