Monday, July 18, 2005

Once again

You guys have come to my rescue. So many of you are the most supportive people I know (or kind of don't know). So thank you to each and every one of you. See how sappy this mom thing made me already! But seriously, it's been a big help knowing about everyone else's experience and knowing that I'm not alone. (Molly I thought you were going to have to move back here, I could never have made it through my first breakdown without you!!) But I feel a little better today, a light at the end of the tunnel. After all I went all day yesterday without crying!

For those who don't know I have a history of depression. I've been on Wellbutrin throughout my entire pregnancy. I did have to stop another medication I was on before trying to conceive because it was not safe. I did OK without that one though. So I am just extra paranoid whenever some depressed like feelings emerge.

I think a lot of the sadness is pain related too as some have mentioned as well as mourning the end of the pregnancy and some aspects of the birth. I won't go into those details yet, would hate to ruin the Birth Story!! The c-section recovery is pretty rough and limiting to what I can do. I really need to be able to run up and down the stairs a million times a day!! It is also mind consuming that was getting in the way of a lot of happier thoughts. I noticed that when I keep up on my percocets and the pain is not as noticeable things are a little more tolerable. Plus I feel like I may be getting a UTI or some other kind of bladder issue so that made it all even worse. And then there are the boobs, the huge sometimes aching boobs along with their pleading nipples to spare them from another feeding. And my back from poor breast feeding posture and under developed baby carrying muscles. So yeah, a lot of pain going on here!

Hey some good news, my appetite has actually decreased from it's pregnancy state by a good 75%. I'm hoping it isn't depression related so I kind of wish I had a LITTLE more of an appetite right now. I'm still taking the prenatal vitamins incase. It's weird to have 1 bowl of cereal instead of a box. 3 meals a day instead of 24. You still wouldn't know it if you looked at me though with the big ol jello like stomach and the thighs...oh the thighs that didn't look as big compared to a 9 month pregnant stomach.

Well on that note, I leave you with some pics...


Blogger Andrea said...

I told you you're appetite would decrease!
Take care of youself, girl.
The sad feelings, the mourning of a pregnancy all our normal and it is good that you are keeping a watchful eye on yourself!
Julian is adorable (but you know that already) and you look great!

9:12 AM  
Anonymous Carol said...

He's absolutely beautiful, Cara!

Keep taking those prenatals (they recommend them for the entire duration of nursing, actually) - they can only help.

Are you having sore nipples? Email me if you need to - caroldave98 at hotmail dot com. Nursing after a c-section can be challenging!

You're going to be just fine, Cara. Take it one day at a time & if you think you need to, go back to your OB for some anti-depressants. Since you suffered from depression prior to pregnancy & delivery, then you may not escape it afterwards either. But right now, what you are feeling, totally normal! :) I think that you are probably experiencing some basic maternal instinctive emotions, actually. That is GOOD!

9:26 AM  
Anonymous molly said...

Casalita, when you didn't post yesterday, my mind flip- flopped back and forth between "she's just fine! In fact, she's too busy parenting to bother with posting! give her a break!" to "I could rent a car and be there in a few hours...oh, wait, what woud I do if I was there? Calling you out from work for an impromptu road trip was one thing, but I guess that's the last thing the new family needs...aaaaargh! How to help?" Soooo, I was relieved that you're back (but I'm ready-- say the word-- I can't seem to make it to weddings or any kind of "normal" visit, but depression? I'm all over it!). You look so beautiful and Julian is so lovely (as photogenic as his mama)...Stranely, last night I really wanted to ask you about baby poo. This is going to sound so ignorant (and just plain weird), but I lay awake wondering if they have any poo at all at first, since they've been floating and swimming and peeing and pooing in the belly pond, or if it's, ahem, mostly liquid like their diet... then I decided that milk is robust enough to make poo after all...then I thought of the day that I decided that you weren't the prettiest, meanest, scariest, most confident and most-likely to accidentally steal my boyfriend without-even-trying girl I had ever met, and that maybe we could be friends (you're still the prettiest): You walked past me at BBB and said. "oh, man, I have to take a shit. I'm crowning." I LOVE YOU!

10:27 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

You lucky duck! I still don't think my appetite has decreased and J is 2 LOL (kidding)
On the bladder front I know after I had J I had a terrible time. I had a cathator so when they took it out I felt like I had to pee all the time and I also could not hold it at all. Don't know if it's the same thing happening to you just thought I would share my bladder stories....I never got a chance before HEHEHE. I am so glad your feeling better. I am sure you have heard it before but I am going to say it again. The first 6 weeks of having a newborn SUCK. I would sometimes look at my husband and ask him why we ever decided to have a baby....that is of course after I kept myself from throwing her out the window from all the crying 38 times a day :) It gets better sweetie. Hang in there (((HUGS)))

11:33 AM  
Blogger Melinda said...

Defiently keep up with the Vitamins, I would even say do it for 2 weeks after you stop nursing. C-section. I have had both a Vaginal and C section. The recovery for a C-sec SUCKED! It was damn near impossiable to find a comfy position for anything! But YES keep up on the pain pills for like the first 2 weeks, dont try to be a hero! I would get so irritated when the pain would kick in! So i found if i took my meds in the recomended Intervals it helped EVERYTHING! For the nipples... I dont know if you are pumping at all but I found that sometimes if i sat in the bathroom with the shower on ...HOT, and i sat in the bathroom (not in the shower lol) It wouldnt hurt as much when i feed him or pumped I. You also have a big Boy. My boy X was 9 1/2 pounds when he was born so he ATE ALOT!! I think i was Breast Feeding him ever hr and half for atleast 15 mins on each side. Thus the reason i started Pumping. I also found the most Comfy Breast Feeding position During recovery for me was laying on my side and feeding him that way. I didnt have to worry about him Being Near my stitches and for some reason the cramping was as bad in this position. It does get easier Especially after the first weeks when yoiu feel like your body is more rested and healed.

12:34 PM  
Blogger RSM said...

Congratulations! What a cutie pie!

Don't worry too much about the baby blues, I had them too. I remember I was doing laundry and I just started SOBBING and my husband was like "what's wrong?" and I was all "she'll never be three days old again! WAHHHHHHH!" I was a wreck. But, as your hormones balance back out, so will your mood.
And I can't wait until I have my old appetite back, considering that I eat about 17 out of the available 24 hours in a day - and I spend the others sleeping!

12:37 PM  
Blogger Candice said...

I had almost no appetite after each of my boys were born. I would actually go without eating all day, just "forget" becuase I was so pre-occupied. Damn hormones! I too had back problems and soreness after baby no. 1, it just takes some time, hang in there and soon this whole breastfeeding thing will be a breeze!

3:53 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Flinger said...

Hon, I *still* forget to eat. It's all the new things around you and the extreme tired that'll do it.

And as someone who had a Uterin Infection two days after coming home.. um.. I thought it was a UTI (I ended up with a C-Sect, too) but turne out to be a Uterin Infection. Those seriously suck. So be on the watch (again.. I swear I'm not trying to freak you out. Just hoping to share what I went through so you can avoid it) :-)

11:34 AM  

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