Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Way too soon for something so depressing

I did the unthinkable. I tried on my pre-pregnant clothes. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Now I'm going to throw out some sizes for the sole purpose of backing up my confession of a very poor self-image.

I used to wear a 2 on average. I had some 0's (whatever the hell size this is, and the clothes get bigger anyway just so people like me can feel good about wearing a "2" when it's really probably an 8) Anyway, I also had some 4's. Shortly before I got pregnant I started wearing more 4's than 2's and I was depressed about this new gluttonous weight gain. People always told me I was skinny which went in one ear and out the other. I KNEW I was not skinny. I didn't care if my clothes were size -10, I had a HUGE ass, thunderous thighs and was just a big blob. Or that's how I saw myself. In my defense I never starved myself. I always had a very big appetite but I generally tried to eat somewhat healthy and low-fat. And I used to work out but I swore I looked like a pig. And it's not like I would look at people who were bigger than me as if they were worse, I saw everyone better regardless of their size. No matter what, I was worse.

Since about half of my pregnancy weight is gone (imagine if I actually gained the recommended 30 lbs) I thought I could dig out some of my regular gear. I purposely only picked out the things that used to be big on me or were exceptionally stretchy. OH MY GOD. I felt like I was trying on little kids clothes. I could NOT believe these were my clothes. Me! The pig! I couldn't pull anything up over my knees, no exaggeration. Things that would fall off me before I had to keep checking I was putting on right, you know not accidentally trying to stuff 2 legs into 1 leg hole. Nope, I am currently about 4 times the size I was.

How did I not see this before? Why did I not appreciate it before? How do I overcome such an unhealthy self-image? And most importantly, will I EVER be able to wear my original wardrobe again???


Blogger debbie said...

i feel your pain, but trust me, the weight will come off. with my first i gained 50+ pounds and lost most of it pretty quickly -- i think the breastfeeding did it, because i certainly didn't change my eating habits. it took about a year to really fit back into my old clothes, though. and then, just when i was starting to feel *okay* with the slight mommy gut i still had, along comes baby #2! i only gained about 35 pounds, but nate's 16 months old and i'm still not into all my pre-pregnancy stuff! i'm coming to terms with it, though the mommy gut is harder to overlook this time! heh. i hate that lowriders are so popular now!

your body has changed -- think of it as a good thing, and cut yourself some slack. you're definitely not alone in feeling freaked out about how your postaprtum body looks and feels, but don't give up hope! you probably will fit back into your old wardrobe someday, it's just gonna take some time.

7:43 PM  
Blogger fuzzypeach said...

I hear ya. I did the same thing.

7:58 PM  
Anonymous Carol said...

My preggo belly is what held my ass up apparently because after I had my babies, nothing fit over my ass (not even my maternity jeans!).

Trust me - it WILL come off. Your uterus hasn't even returned to pre-preg size yet. Relax! And remember, it took you 9 months to put it on so it'll certainly take you more than 3 weeks to take it off :)

I've had 3 kids, gained 55'ish lbs, 35 lbs and 45 lbs respectively and I'm about 10 lbs. heavier than I was when I got pg with #1. Not so bad!

Hang in there!

8:38 PM  
Blogger Melinda said...

Size 2, I havent seen that size in 11 long years! But remember it took 9 months to get the weight on. Breast feeding will defiently help. IT sucks! Atleast you didnt get streach marks. I did so evenif i was to return to a size 2 i still wouldnt show my belly! lol. And wheni was a size 2 and 4 i could find every inch of fat on my body and act like i was 500 pounds!

9:39 PM  
Blogger Monkey said...

at 6 weeks i could fit into my pre-preggo clothes...but i am a size 14...and i am happy at a size 14...so its all good...lol...

and i never saw a size 2...ever...i was a size 7 when i joined the army...yeah...lol...

give it some time Mama...


11:25 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I am right there with you...
I have followed the same sizes you wear/wore and had the same after baby clothing dilema. Funny, I thought I looked so good the day I squeezed back into my pre-preggo jeans - it was Halloween so Ryan was 4 weeks - but the pictures from that day tell a different story! I literally looked like 10 pounds of laundry in a 5 pound bag. Don't worry, it will come off, I would think you should be back into your 4s soon (although I am not sure if the C-section makes a difference). By the time Ryan was 4 months old I was back to my original weight and by 7 months I actually had a waist again (all with almost no excercise!)

7:01 AM  
Blogger KELLI BELLY said...

Cara, Julian is so young still! You will eventually fit back into them sooner than you think! I know what you mean. I always had a distorted self image too! I've said the same stuff to myself! My old pants to me, look like kids pants:0) Like they cover one leg. Give yourself a break and don't try them on for a while. BTW, I would love to get together tommorow. I'm going to call you in a little while:0)

7:10 AM  
Blogger Kira said...

Cara, 4 months after my son was born, I was still about 20 pounds over my pre pregnancy weight. I had gained about 50 pounds, starting out at 130 or so.
I packed all my clothes away to go to goodwill at that time.
When my son was a year old, before I took stuff to Goodwill, I found out that it fit! In fact, with doing NOTHING other than nursing, no exercise or dieting at all, I lost all the weight and some extra.
Nurse a long time and be patient, I recommend :)

7:35 AM  
Blogger dakotablueeyes said...

Oh sweetie unless you are a movie star with tons of money so you can hire a trainer to whip your ass back into shape, its gonna take time. You'll get there if you stay motivated. Just enjoy the baby right now.

8:17 AM  
Blogger beautifulmess said...

i'm totally with you on the unhealthy self-image thing, but i still haven't figured out how to get rid of it. it seems to be getting worse with age instead of better. i used to be a size zero, too, & felt like the biggest, fattest slob on earth. so, now that i'm a size 10, what does that make me?

8:39 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

GIRL this is a very senstive subject for me. I am still not down to the weight I was before I had J over 2 years ago. The simple fact is that once you have a kid your body changes. Of course inless your rich with a personal trainer and someone to make all your low fat meals. Even if I did loose the last 10 pounds I need to my hips will never be the same. I decided to just be happy with who I am. I too thought I was HUGE before and now I would give my next pay check to back at that weight :)

10:15 AM  
Blogger Veronica said...

Well it took you 9 months to gain the weight at least give yourself another 9 months to take it off ( that what my dr said) You just had a baby!! no one fits in thier cloths THAT quick...

Just keep breastfeeding and your uterus will return to it's size and the weight will GRADUALLY fall off.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Katie said...

Girl, My kiddo is 7 months and I think your body just changes sizes. I am so much lighter than I was pound wise, but I still can't fit into any of my clothes. Your muscles go that hold everything in and then hips widen etc. Give it time, I know how you feel!

11:19 AM  
Blogger Anne said...

just chill. you had the baby WHEN? i still have 5 lbs to go and it's taken me 8 months. you'd better put those prepreg clothes the hell away and out of sight for awhile.

2:53 PM  
Anonymous supa said...

i echo everybody here: nine up, nine down. shrinking back to normal before six or even three months postpartum is, i think, unusual.

[though I'm at seven and lord knows what i've got going on in the abdomen department!]

3:32 PM  
Blogger Rachael said...

I gave away all my old clothes. I got too depressed trying them on all the time and not having them fit. Just give it time.
I have way bad self image. So I can't really comment on that :)

12:41 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

It has taken me until now, 7 months postpartum, to be able to fit into the majority of my pre-pregnancy clothes. Give it time. It'll happen. :)

10:44 AM  
Blogger reet said...

you are a beautiful woman cara and you just had a big boy. yeah, you did gain weight, but it's not like you are lying around on yer ass doing nothing. all of the above comments are true. it does come off. i cant talk because i'm a fat ass. but right now, i don't care about it enough. once the weather cools down, you all can go out for more walks and as soon as his feet touch the ground, you will be a 2 again! i promise!

5:22 PM  
Blogger rina said...

One day you will look in the mirror and realize you are back where you once were... or even better! Nurse, nurse, nurse. It works. Keep eating, you need the calories and nature will take it's course. Patience.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

your hips have to go back to thier natural places. which may not be exactly where they were before. remeber that they had to move a lot to accomodate childbirth.
so even if you were instantly back to pre-preg, pants wouldn't fit b/c of that.
I was 20 pounds less than now after botyh b/c of fluid.(which is 14 pounds less than now;) and my pants wouldn't close. crazy, but it was b/c it took about 6 months for my hips to come back.
so get you some cute yaga pants and rock on.

7:52 AM  
Blogger holli said...

Let me give you advice from my own experience - I don't know if it applies.. But I gained 95 pounds with my pregnancy and then lost 105. Somewhere along the lines multiple people convinced me to throw out all of my size 2 clothing. I now wear a size 0, but even a size 2 would be nice for some things.. So I have had to rebuy a lot of stuff.. and I don't have the money to rebuy an entire wardrobe. New babies can melt the pounds of you.. You'll get back into your old wardrobe - keep the faith.

Been there/done that - with the whole world watching.


9:33 AM  

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