Tuesday, August 16, 2005

My son hates me

I'm feeling entitled to a good, old fashioned pity party right now. I finally met with a Lactation Consultant because we're still having discomfort when breast feeding, after 5 weeks. I left there more depressed about it all then when I went in. Basically my nipples are sore because he does some weird tounge thing where his tounge doesn't always go over his gum allowing his gum to rub against my nipple. He doesn't always stick his tounge out but he's totally capable of doing it since he does it sometimes. It's not that he's tounge-tied. If he's latched on well, he'll keep pulling his tounge back and kind of clicking it at the roof of his mouth. You know when you put your tounge up and cluck it or whatever that's called? So either the gum is rubbing my nipple or his tounge is rubbing it. Now having a tounge rub your nipple doesn't sound too painful but having it done for 5 weeks daily about a million times a day can make it a tad raw. And my let-down isn't too fast..well it flows out fast but it's more of a dripping, not a spraying so this probably isn't the cause.

He also does a bunch of mouth and tounge movement before latching on, he has a tight jaw and a extremely high bubble pallete along with pulling back even when we have our hands forcing his head to stay on. So it could be any one of these things or a combo that is making breast feeding more difficult than it should be. She really couldn't give me any remedies only some tips as she didn't see any medical reasons or definitive problems. I can massage his tounge, stick my tounge out at him so he imitates me, pull his jaw open to latch him on (which made him VERY upset) and meet with a speach therapist that specializes in breast feeding babies to help train him to keep his tounge forward. I can tell you that ain't gonna happen. Now if he was having trouble actually eating or speaking I would but we all know he's eating just fine. I know people have had breast feeding problems and they meet with a LC they hear "this is your problem and this is how you fix it" and they go on their happy little breast feeding way. But me I was there for 2 hours and the whole time it's like "Hmmm, this is odd, it could be...or it could be...you can TRY this.." Like I said I left there more depressed then when I went in. I don't think anything is wrong with formula or bottle feeding expressed breast milk but something in side of me does not want to stop breast feeding.

To make today's event more depressing, he screamed almost the entire ride home. I was STARVING to death and desperately wanted to hit a fast-food drive thru so I wouldn't pass out (and for comfort, if he can comfort nurse I can comfort eat shitty food!). And with all of the trillions of fast-food places there are in this world, there is not ONE during my entire 30 minute travel. So I went on starving. A drive-thru was my only option since he was screaming and I'd have to scarf it down on the way home because once I am home I'll have to change him and feed him and naturally the dog will vomit so I have to clean that up, then give B an update, etc, etc, etc. Which is why I was starving in the first place because there is just NO TIME TO EAT. Fuck.

I was given a flyer on a new-mom support group my hospital has early in my pregnancy and I threw it out. No way would I need a support group, pa-shaw. Well the LC recommended I go and I kind of blew it off. But now guess where I'll be Thursdays at 10am. Hi my name is C and I'm a new mom...

*edited: I forgot to mention that Chaotic Harmony helped me soooo much with breastfeeding via email (I felt like I sucked up enough of her time) plus I spent many hours on a board that has reputable certified LC support, I've looked at every latch website and studied every latch instruction, common issues and tips and detailed latching pictures in the world and I still have trouble. J...gotta love him. He makes me earn my pay. Oh wait! We don't get paid for this shit do we?!


Blogger fuzzypeach said...

Sorry about the breastfeeding woes:\ I understand you not wanting to give it up, it's really a neat experience. But pain is no fun. I hope some of the suggestions she gave you help, if not in a week or two you might want to seek out another LC and see what that one says.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Veronica said...

I totally admire you..my kid WOULD NOT BREASTFEED even when straving...He could no latch on...The Lactation nurse was no help at all. I gave up and pumped instead. DONT GIVE UP... it such a great experience.

Try out the support group. It might help you out on many other things and notice that many other moms are going through the same thing as you =) take care.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

If I were you....I'd try another LC. also what about those nipple guards? I knew people who used them. or pumping.
and hey there is nothing wrong with support groups although they seem kinda cheezy to an outsider they can be very helpful.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Mama C-ta said...

Thanks everyone. I know it sounds like I don't have the most competent LC which very well could be the case but she was a lot more competent than I make her sound in my post. I may try a breast feeding support group at my friend's hospital if they allow outsiders, they have LC's on hand there.

5:36 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I must ssy... I am so impressed that you're still breastfeeding. After only 5 days of PUMPING (since he was a preemie) I had cried so much I decided enough is enough. LOL. You're awesome.

Julian is such a cutie! I can't believe he's already 5 weeks old. I love the pictures of him in the tub!

9:10 PM  
Anonymous Carol said...

Cara, just hang in there. You can work through this. Nurse him from only one side if needed. I'm a LLL Leader & a nursing mom myself, so you won't find me supportive of formula except in the most extreme circumstances. You mentioned that you see nothing wrong with formula. Please, look into that. Did you know that the FDA allows a certain amount of trace rat and mouse droppings in infant formula? Apparently, this was in a Consumer Reports article a few months ago. This is just one reason why I think human breastmilk should be more readily available for those who cannot breastfeed for some reason or other.

That said, I nursed DS1 for 5 months then formula fed him. If I only knew then what I know now, lol....kwim?

Try a LLL meeting! You might just find some mom's there who've dealt with exactly what you did. And please, don't think you're taking up too much of my time! Email me if you need to. Unfortunately I can only help so much via email. Your LC sounds like she was competent enough. The thing is, sometimes breastfeeding problems have various different solutions and mom just needs to try out a few to see what works.

Let me do some research on this though & see if I can find some *definitive* techniques for you to try to keep his tongue out.

Most importantly -- you are doing great. Your son most certainly does not dislike you, lol. He loves you!

6:53 AM  
Blogger The Mom said...

A big F&*@ YOU to anyone who ever said "Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world". It sure as hell doesn't come very naturally! It was about 8 weeks before my Ava had her latch down. I can't count the times I cried and cursed and thought I should just give it up and get the bottle. At almost 4 months, though, we're going strong and I absolutely love breastfeeding her. Hang in there, sister. It's still early. You know your little chunk is getting enough, so just give it a little more time. That said, if you decide you want to or have to go to the bottle, don't feel guilty about it for a minute (and don't let anyone MAKE you feel guilty). While breastfeeding is a wonderful thing to give your baby, a happy, sane mama is even better. Good luck!

7:29 AM  
Blogger Little Miss said...

As a mother of three, I have had many breastfeeding ups and downs. You're doing the right thing by staying in touch with a LC. The other thing is LLL meetings. I too blew it off for quite some time. When I finally went, I realized this was something I had been missing. Networking mothers is a tremendous help.

breastfeeding sidenote: my daughter had the same problem. I was advised to pump for a couple of minutes before putting the baby to the breast, that way, milk (let down) was already flowing and the baby had no choice but to lay down her tongue and begin sucking. The other thing I tried was giving her the bottle long enough to get a good suck going, (proper sucking), then make a quick switch to the breast.

Sorry to hear you're feeling depressed about it, but don't give up. You'll figure out what works best for you and your baby, just keep trying. (and whoever said breastfeeding was the "easy way out", was SO INCREDIBLY MISTAKEN!)

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Carol said...

"I was advised to pump for a couple of minutes before putting the baby to the breast, that way, milk (let down) was already flowing and the baby had no choice but to lay down her tongue and begin sucking."

This is good advice, Cara. :)

1:09 PM  
Blogger Rachael said...

GAH! I am so sorry to hear that breastfeeding isn't going well. I had inverted nipples (like you wanted to know LOL) so that made it so hard for me. Not to mention no milk supply.
I think it's great that you are keeping on it. But don't feel bad if you have to give up. Gavin has been bottle fed forever and he is plump and healthy :).

2:00 AM  

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